DSS saying hasn’t got enough space in shared bedroom

[Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone]

I’m trying my best to make it work and he’s being really ungrateful.

Me and dp have 2 ds (6 and 8) and dss is 15. 2 bed house (one very large bedroom one smaller that fits a double bed and one chest of drawers). Ds were sharing with 2 single beds in there and when dss stayed which used to be EOW me and dp would have the sofa bed downstairs.

Dss has now moved in with us so I got Ds 6 and 8 a bunkbed, a single bed for dss, a desk for dss, a small cupboard and cleared half the wardrobe so he had space for clothes. Put up 3 shelves for his things and used ikea shelves with storage boxes to partition half the room. It looks really nice. He’s furious . He wants our room as needs ‘privacy and quiet to study’.

My dc only use the room from 8-830pm each night as in the day they play downstairs. I’ve tried really hard to make this work (it was very last min due to an issue with dp ex).

I think it’s ok ? We can’t partition fully as renting. We can’t afford a bigger house so this is the best option. He thinks we should share a room with Ds 6 and 8 as wants his own space.

To be honest it's not ideal but he just needs to get on with it, I think letting him use the study would be a good idea so he has privacy in there. He could chill in your room but has to sleep in the bedroom.

Would it really make much difference if he was sharing with an 8 year old? Would that be fine.

Because it would still be sharing.

Only on Mumsnet is sharing a bedroom some sort of crime. It's completely normal in cultures all over the world and many of those kids turn out better than today's generation. Perhaps sharing is actually good for us.

I don't really mean that as it's not ideal but if it's just for sleeping and he gets to stay up later out if their way in his little study space it's not the end of the world.

Yes much better he comes home from clubbing and wakes up 9 and 11 year olds...

God Mumsnet is getting worse and worse.

FFS no, 4 people shouldn't share a room so that one person can have their own. Absolutely ridiculous that so many people are suggesting this.

No, he doesn't need his own space. Plenty of people share bedrooms, it's normal.

I know that you say you can't afford to move but that is the only real solution. What is the difference between renting a 3 bed property where you live, as opposed to a 2 bed and what can you do to raise the extra funds? Your husband has three children and he needs to be able to accommodate three children. He only has space for 2 of his 3 children and that was never going to work. I'm not having a go, just stating a facts. The issue with DSS's mum might have been unexpected but even if that had not happened, his DSS might have just wanted to move in with you. Just to add, there is nothing wrong with sharing a bedroom, I shared with my 2 sisters until we eventually left home. The difference was that we were close in age, had grown up together as sisters and the room was huge. My two brothers also shared a room. Plus there was a lot of space downstairs as well. It just sounds like the house you have isn't big enough for your family.

This is ridiculous OP and her DH wants to have sex not share with 2 small DC.

Given that OP has said he's not that long ago found out the child is his, exactly what planning were you expecting him to do? It's perfectly acceptable to think a two bedroom house is enough for two adults and two small children.

How did it go op?

In the longer term you need to rent a 3 bedroom house.

Have you offered him the sofa bed?

Newsflash - you can have sex at other times than late at night and other places than a bedroom. Shocking, isn’t it?

well, 8/9 years ago he found out

Perhaps he could be expected to be respectful and not wake up anyone?

Surely if he's at school and you WFH you can use the study during the daytime and he can use it in the evening for gaming after you finish your work.

I haven't followed the full thread but have you tried diffusing it by letting him know you're sorry he's finding it hard and asking what he thinks the solution will be. I'm not expecting that he'd find anything any better than the arrangement you've done your best with, but it just might help if he both knows you hear him and care and also interested in his solutions (if any) .

You are clearly very kind and caring OP.
Wishing you all well 🙏

Sorry just trying to catch up on here as it’s been a busy afternoon. Dp actually spoke to our landlord who has agreed to let us partition the boys room properly as long as we put it back to how it is whenever we move out. He was so nice about it (dp explained the circumstances) . Dss seems calmer too and is happy to have the study for gaming / homework and sleep in the partially partitioned room as he knows it will be sorted out soon to be his own space.

That’s a great outcome. Hope everything continues to be calmer.

That's a great outcome. Hope he begins to feel more settled.

Good news, and thanks for the update OP

Whoop! Good luck to you all. HNY

Amazing what just a few hours passing does 😆

Great outcome.

Amazing how many nasty people there are on this board

clearly msnet does wonders my dear