DSS saying hasn’t got enough space in shared bedroom

[Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone]

I’m trying my best to make it work and he’s being really ungrateful.

Me and dp have 2 ds (6 and 8) and dss is 15. 2 bed house (one very large bedroom one smaller that fits a double bed and one chest of drawers). Ds were sharing with 2 single beds in there and when dss stayed which used to be EOW me and dp would have the sofa bed downstairs.

Dss has now moved in with us so I got Ds 6 and 8 a bunkbed, a single bed for dss, a desk for dss, a small cupboard and cleared half the wardrobe so he had space for clothes. Put up 3 shelves for his things and used ikea shelves with storage boxes to partition half the room. It looks really nice. He’s furious . He wants our room as needs ‘privacy and quiet to study’.

My dc only use the room from 8-830pm each night as in the day they play downstairs. I’ve tried really hard to make this work (it was very last min due to an issue with dp ex).

I think it’s ok ? We can’t partition fully as renting. We can’t afford a bigger house so this is the best option. He thinks we should share a room with Ds 6 and 8 as wants his own space.

That's crazy talk. Don't give up your room.

It is still early days. Give it time. He can have the study in the evenings/night for his studying.

As parents, tou need tour room for private discussions, for time away from the family, for the sake of tour mareiage and it is more practical.

Moving out of your room because he has demanded it, sets up an entitlement that will be difficult to correct.

There are other solutions. He will adapt and adjust. He is just upset.

We’re going to arrive back at the same point here - what if giving him his own space involved a house move they couldn’t afford.

That’s a reflection of situation, not love or respect. Some people genuinely can’t stretch to paying for extra space.

Also the very first post says he is being ungrateful.

That poster means his own bed and storage. They obviously could, since they have now that they've been forced.

Then his father should have stopped at 2 children if he couldn't afford to provide a home for 3.

OP I have read most of this thread. What seems to be lacking amongst many fms of the effect of this upheaval on the younger boys. There is a real danger of them feeling pushed out.
The idea of the two youngest sharing a bedroom with you and your DH and the dss having a room to himself is a non-starter. The four of you crammed in one room would mean a total lack of privacy and, more importantly, the two younger boys would quickly feel very resentful at having to share with two adults whist dss gets his own space.
Turning the living room into a bedroom for you and DH means a lack of privacy for you and a frequently unusable family area.

Your idea of a partition in the larger bedroom, esp if it is a IKEA partition with shelving is sensible. I would put bunk beds in each half. The two youngest get one each and dss gets a bed and a lounging area or simply more storage. The downstairs study could be kitted out as a gaming/studying room with a lock fitted so that it is clear that this is dss' private space and stops the younger ones getting in .
I think you are going to gently tell dss that the two younger boys cannot be pushed out. Whilst he does not want to share, there is no other option until you are able to get a larger property. Tell him he will get a locked private area of his own, which is more than anyone else has.
Good luck.

I think you’re all losing the plot. That space isn’t good enough, he doesn’t want to share with his siblings.

They did give him his own space, separate from his brothers.

He wouldn’t have wanted to share, which is part of this whole conversation.

So to give him his own permanent separate space they’d have had to have moved into the lounge full time, or moved house. Is that what you think they should have done for the sake of those 48 days?

Right well he didn’t so we still need somewhere to put them all. Nobody here has a Time Machine 😂

This poster has issues with all OPs it seems. There was a shocking thread yesterday where the OP has cancer...worst thread I've ever seen. I see a few of the same posters here.

You realise we're not a hive mind with one singular opinion right?
They didn't give him his own space, at all ever. He didn't have a bed until now. Had he already been sharing with his brothers in his own bed, he wouldn't be so upset by the prospect now. They didn't, so now they've got a struggling teenager who doesn't even have a space he's familiar with in his dad house.
The fact that he saw so little of his son is frankly a separate issue. The bar is way too low for some of you...

It's worth reading the updates, since we've learned OP and DH didn't even know the lad existed when they chose to have their two ..

They knew he existed before they had the 3rd child.

Then his father should have stopped at 2 children if he couldn't afford to provide a home for 3.

Woulda , shoulda, coulda.

According to you and a lot of posters on this thread, we shouldn't have had DD either.

RTFT or even just the OPs updates! The youngest child was an accident and father has since had a vasectomy. Some posters are so judgemental 😡

Yes, it's always "unexpectedly" .

I’m not saying this again - he was there 4 days a month.

I personally would neither sleep in my front room full time, or pay an extra £400+ for a 3rd bedroom, for that level of access. It’s not feasible. Sharing is not the end of the world, usually. It’s certainly not indicative of shit parenting.

Can we all stop living in OPs past that we know nothing about now and try giving her some tangible advice that doesn’t involve going back in time?

I was on that thread too and can’t work out if you mean me or not! 😅

But you’re right, there seems to be something in the judgmental water at the moment.

If you can't say anything nice (or useful in this case) fermez-la.

Good grief. I don't disagree with your points, but did you mean your final paragraph to sound so breathtakingly snobby?

So, four people in one room and one in the other?

Because you were being sanctimonious and it really irked me. And no, the first poster to comment didnt say he was being ungrateful.

What does your very high income have to do with anything, @ByDeepOpalBalonz ?
It seems to be shoehorned in to your post to no particular purpose.

Op said he was. I am not being sanctimonious. Of all the comments in this thread you pick on mine.

I think she’s the sort of person to shoehorn it into every conversation.

And the birth mother shouldn't have been an incapable mother. And they shouldn't have gone for a 2 bed rental.

Friends who lived in a bed sit had something on the lines of photos. Theirs had a good quality mattress and folded away with duvet. It could be an idea for you and DP