DSS saying hasn’t got enough space in shared bedroom

[Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone]

I’m trying my best to make it work and he’s being really ungrateful.

Me and dp have 2 ds (6 and 8) and dss is 15. 2 bed house (one very large bedroom one smaller that fits a double bed and one chest of drawers). Ds were sharing with 2 single beds in there and when dss stayed which used to be EOW me and dp would have the sofa bed downstairs.

Dss has now moved in with us so I got Ds 6 and 8 a bunkbed, a single bed for dss, a desk for dss, a small cupboard and cleared half the wardrobe so he had space for clothes. Put up 3 shelves for his things and used ikea shelves with storage boxes to partition half the room. It looks really nice. He’s furious . He wants our room as needs ‘privacy and quiet to study’.

My dc only use the room from 8-830pm each night as in the day they play downstairs. I’ve tried really hard to make this work (it was very last min due to an issue with dp ex).

I think it’s ok ? We can’t partition fully as renting. We can’t afford a bigger house so this is the best option. He thinks we should share a room with Ds 6 and 8 as wants his own space.

Absolutely right.
Hopefully the council will house them.
Renting a 4 bed house will be tricky and expensive otherwise.

Why is his father a deadbeat if he didn't even know he was the father of this boy?

Shame the birth mother is such a flake.

@trendingdiscussion who is breaking the law in this situation? The landlord/council or OP and her husband?

Is overcrowding against the law?
Landlords and agents break the law if they allow tenancies to become overcrowded.

This is why they can ask about the number, age and sex of people who will live there.

If your home becomes overcrowded because your child reaches the age of 1 or 10 you should apply to the council for a larger home.

As long as you do this, you are not breaking the law.

So not really against the law, the younger kids count as 1 person so that is four people with three rooms- if you are going to use AI search at least read it.
Plus the sizes mentioned are for HMOs.

Assuming Social Services know the housing situation at the Dad’s house as the OP said that SS advised teen would be safest there.

You are a ray of sunshine aren't you 😂

what a way to live

.

He had a bed!!! His father and stepmother gave up their bed to be his while he was there, while they slept on an uncomfortable sofa bed!! You're seriously projecting something here because this is reaching to the extreme. They clearly care. That is the ultimate point.

Was the father a mindreader? He didn't even know he had a son until his ex partner's partner decided to do a DNA test. He then took responsibility , was paying maintenance, he was settled with his mother, and the boy was staying EOW. Something happened with the mother, and now the boy is with him f/t. You cannot simply plan for every eventuality

for this poor boy
and the younger children

yes “what a way to live”

@Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone I hope that you find a solution that works for you. As a secondary teacher I would say that your DSS definitely needs someone quiet to study for GCSEs. However, I would also be asking his new school if there is an option of staying late and using the library as study space if your DSS finds your house too noisy. In the long run though I think you will need to look for a bigger house. It's worth starting to look even if it isn't possible immediately.

His Father has known him since he was 8. In all this time he has never set up a proper bed for him or space for his things.

The fact he didn’t even have a bed for his son leads me to believe that he wasn’t the most involved parent.

Also, let’s be real, his father was not close enough to his son for his son to open up about whatever he was going through.

I know my post calling him a deadbeat was removed and I don’t want to push my luck. But come on. He’s not exactly father of the year is he?

The problem is, if your DSS is 15, when is he going to leave home? Will he be kicked out the moment he's done his A-levels? I assume/hope not.

In which case you really can't have an 11 year old and 9 year old both sharing a room with their parents, which is the situation you will be in three years from now if you give up your room for your DSS.

Surely giving him the study is your only option.

Would it really not fit one of those mezzanine single beds above the desk?

Wow! That's too harsh.

They've ALL had their lives flipped.
She's clearly doing everything she can but he's behaving like an entitled brat.

If he wants his own space, he can use the small study for doing whatever it is he wants to do.

At the end of the day, everyone has to manage as best as they can till they can afford something more permanent like moving.

That’s completely unfair, and complete speculation.

Anyone with any understanding of safeguarding knows that children don’t always disclose, and if they do it’s not always linked to who they can/can’t trust, or who is closest to them.

They've ALL had their lives flipped
None as much as the dss.
They’ve known he existed since he was 8 years old, yet never made space for him until they were forced to.

If you really read all OP’s posts she is trying very hard, understands DSS’ trauma and is trying to work out what to do to accommodate him. Don’t assume she selfishly created a ‘shiny new family’ ? You don’t know if DH’s ex had an affair, could be anything. It annoys me when the assumption is that a step parent doesn’t care about a stepchild and wants to exclude them. She’s trying to make things work . I have four stepchildren, two of whose father I’m not even with any more and they made me their child’s godmother!

I can understand that. There no guarantee that he would have told him.

However, when you not even giving your son a permanent bed in your house, you can surmise that the relationship is very poor. Meaning that there was never really an opportunity to tell his dad, someone who he should trust.

But there is no relationship there, so there was likely never even an opportunity to open up to him in the first place.

Maybe you could get help from your local council or housing association's.
If it's a matter of safety as to why he's with you, then they could also fully support you in trying to find a larger, more suitable accommodation.
If he has a social worker, speak to them about help with housing.

would a high bed with a small desk under it fit in the study? if not he might have to spend more time in the library.

Never heard that word before! (Just looked it up - Romani origin, particularly associated with the Portsmouth area.)

They are probably of the belief that such peasants should not be allowed to have children.

I know of plenty of teenagers that share a room with younger siblings and while it may not be ideal for them, they have a warm bed in a safe and loving home and they will be just fine.

OP, I think the gaming/study room sounds ideal. His own space to chill out and study before going to bed.

Sharing a room is really not the end of the world. I am sure every teenager would love their own room, yet the world over there are teenagers sharing rooms in various types of set ups - some share a bed with numerous siblings in shacks and who the hell is anyone else (privileged and ignorant) to tell them they do not have proper home!!

He can 'want' all day long, but it doesn't mean he gets it. That would be my polite answer. I'd help him fine quiet time/places to study (younger kids out of the room, or him downstairs in a quiet space if they need to be in the room, noise-cancelling headphones, etc), but there is no way I'd give up my own bedroom for him. Sorry, but not happening. Many people through history have had to study in far worse conditions and been successful. He can, too.