DSS saying hasn’t got enough space in shared bedroom

[Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone]

I’m trying my best to make it work and he’s being really ungrateful.

Me and dp have 2 ds (6 and 8) and dss is 15. 2 bed house (one very large bedroom one smaller that fits a double bed and one chest of drawers). Ds were sharing with 2 single beds in there and when dss stayed which used to be EOW me and dp would have the sofa bed downstairs.

Dss has now moved in with us so I got Ds 6 and 8 a bunkbed, a single bed for dss, a desk for dss, a small cupboard and cleared half the wardrobe so he had space for clothes. Put up 3 shelves for his things and used ikea shelves with storage boxes to partition half the room. It looks really nice. He’s furious . He wants our room as needs ‘privacy and quiet to study’.

My dc only use the room from 8-830pm each night as in the day they play downstairs. I’ve tried really hard to make this work (it was very last min due to an issue with dp ex).

I think it’s ok ? We can’t partition fully as renting. We can’t afford a bigger house so this is the best option. He thinks we should share a room with Ds 6 and 8 as wants his own space.

just to say gently that you have no idea actually what the kid has been through as the OP cant go into detail, so I don’t think doing up Trauma Olympics is helpful to anyone

They are very good to take a teenager on permanently with such a tiny house.
Teen can’t dictate terms.

Are you for real @Oakleaffy? The OPs husband is the father. It's not being "good" to take responsibility for your own child, it's called being a parent.

Presumably the alternative is that the poor boy goes into the care system. No one ever called me and DH "very good" for having our DCs live with us as children.

Do you really want a 15 year old exploring himself in the same room as your 6 and 8 year olds? This is not a suitable arrangement for an older teenager. Rent a bigger house ffs.

@PureBoggin this really is the most sensible option but I got shot down for saying so. If this really cannot happen then the current solution is about as good as it’s going to get

its actually breaking the law

Either 3 boys go in the bigger bedroom.

or he goes in 'study'

There is no fucking law.

please read my above posts

You have to ignore any post that puts a father in a good light. Those are The Rules.

They're boys, if that makes a difference. It shouldn't, but considering you decided to swap the sexes for maximum impact, I suppose it does to you.

**Under housing law, there are two ways to calculate if your home is overcrowded.

1. By the number of rooms for people to sleep in. This is called the room standard.
2. By the amount of space in the home and the number of people living in it. This is called the space standard.

and the limits see above photos

So you suggesting they would be better thrown out in the street?

They can't afford a bigger home
No one will give them a bigger house/ if they get thrown out do you think a bigger home will appear? If that's what you think you have no idea just how many people are living in overcrowded housing!

They know it's a problem. Someone looking for suggestions is trying to make things better and should expect support and encouragement but instead they get
People fail to read thread and assume
-they can buy / extend ....

• they are benefit scroungers
• they should be Jesus and never make a mistake in their lives
• they have a Time Machine and can change things
• they are so awful they don't deserve and sensible ideas, just judgement

Hey - could this be a new MN bingo card?

Good luck OP

This, combined with the 'this has been deemed the safest living option for him post, changes everything.

Put the 6 and 8 year olds in the biggest bedroom to share as there are 2 of them and 2 are entitled to more space than 1. Put the 15 year old in their current bedroom. And you'll need to change the living room into your 'bedroom' for now with a proper bed.

The 6 and 8 year olds will need to play in their room going forward, not downstairs. The 15 year old will likely spend most of his time at home in his room.

Get on the social housing list if you're eligible in any way.

Find if there's any way you could move sooner rather than later, if your landlord has any other properties in the area, it might be an option.

He's had a major upheaval to be 'forced' to move his life at a difficult time in his life anyway (teenager, changing schools, exam years) with a 'parent' who wasn't his 'parent from the beginning due to circumstances well beyond the poor boy's control.

Counselling for him and the family if you can get it would also be ideal.

Good luck.

Beginning of thread: hi I need help trying to do what’s best for my teenaged DSS

Currently: they have too many kids they can’t afford, father probably doesn’t work, everyone will be traumatised if they don’t get their own space, if you live in a flat you’re probably an unemployed scrounge btw

I just

🤡

I misread, my mistake. I don't think its right to cram 3 kids into one room when one of them is a teenage boy whos about to sit his GCSEs. I'm only a teacher, what the hell do I know about child welfare...

Well good for @Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone then.

They might get rehoused.
It’s not her fault the stepson’s birth mother is so unsuitable.

If your floorplan allows, could you give him the living room and maybe turn your bedroom into a bedroom/living room?

@trendingdiscussion there are regulations for people living in social housing. There is no actual law, and due to the housing crisis, even councils/housing associations ignore their own regulations.

Now actually elaborating on your screen shot. It says number of rooms. Living rooms count as rooms now. So OP has 3 rooms and the two kids under 10 count only as one person. So she has 3 rooms and 4 persons.

No it isn't. Three rooms and five people. Plus there is no such law if you own your own house or rent privately (rent agreement may have number stipulated but it isn't law)

Eddie Straiton, MRCVS studied to become a vet while living in an overcrowded tenement.
He used to study all night .
He had a tough upbringing, but it made him a
determined, strong man.

It's not about what is right - it's about what is physically possible

I really don't like the idea of no family space - that is also not right and likely to harm all three children - this child needs family even if they don't feel they want to be part of it -

Technically OP could have another baby if she was completely bonkers and no one could say a thing, even if she was in social housing.

Not everyone has sufficient income to rent a larger home.
Not everyone can move to a cheaper area if it means having to find a new job and/ or be unemployed until they find something suitable.The
Not everyone can suddenly magic up solutions.

The OP is trying hard to find the best solution for all of those living in their current home.

It’s also not his son’s fault his dad’s practically a deadbeat.

Under housing law, there are two ways to calculate if your home is overcrowded