DSS saying hasn’t got enough space in shared bedroom

[Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone]

I’m trying my best to make it work and he’s being really ungrateful.

Me and dp have 2 ds (6 and 8) and dss is 15. 2 bed house (one very large bedroom one smaller that fits a double bed and one chest of drawers). Ds were sharing with 2 single beds in there and when dss stayed which used to be EOW me and dp would have the sofa bed downstairs.

Dss has now moved in with us so I got Ds 6 and 8 a bunkbed, a single bed for dss, a desk for dss, a small cupboard and cleared half the wardrobe so he had space for clothes. Put up 3 shelves for his things and used ikea shelves with storage boxes to partition half the room. It looks really nice. He’s furious . He wants our room as needs ‘privacy and quiet to study’.

My dc only use the room from 8-830pm each night as in the day they play downstairs. I’ve tried really hard to make this work (it was very last min due to an issue with dp ex).

I think it’s ok ? We can’t partition fully as renting. We can’t afford a bigger house so this is the best option. He thinks we should share a room with Ds 6 and 8 as wants his own space.

As i say, i certainly didn’t feel like a guest
nor did my sister

Hi @Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone

Difficult situation that I can relate to as we have ended up stuck in a 2 bed house with 3 kids (boom time purchase, recession, multiple birth, housing crisis....a perfect storm). We have been working hard to move but there's a severe housing crisis in Ireland too and prices have risen faster than we can keep up with despite increasing income . So in the meantime I'm currently trying to figure out ways to reconfigure. Our rooms are tiny, but if you do have room for a partition, IKEA Kallax units can be put together to create a temporary wall.
You can fill them with inserts and it doubles up as storage too.

If you'd like to pm me i'm happy to help you work out the measurements and suggestions for layout if you send me floorplan.

Think outside the box.

I dream of finding a secret dining room that I never knew existed that would solve our problems. It's hard.

But....home is about safe, shelter, food and love.
You can still provide stability. His situation is so difficult but he can adapt with support.
Is he open to therapy?
Outdoors, fresh air, active life will help him regulate his emotions and deal with this trauma. This has been building.

You're doing your best ❤️

Honestly I think even saying to him "we're sorry we can't provide what you wish for, but we love every bone in your body and are here for you "💞

but given you’ve alluded to him being a dick generally - i’m guessing there’s a lot of mud on him

Fake outrage? He’s been called a spoilt brat and entitled. Loads of people have commented that he needs to lump it!

Your problem is you presume to much about everything and have been told multiple times that you are jumping to conclusions and had the OPs posts pointed out to you because you clearly haven't read the thread before jumping on to have a go. Even now after being told the OP has said her husband works you are still having a go, embarrassing and could be avoided by reading before judging.

I was just thinking that would be a great idea, and then make sure it is his and his alone.

apologies

Oh ffs, thousands of people live in houses that are two small for them and despite working and working hard they have no hope of getting something bigger.

Are we supposed to forget that there's a working class, or a housing and cost of living crisis in the UK?

That was intended for me.

My father is an abusive alcoholic. He has a long history of DV. He was violently abusive to my sister and I, and my mother, and then had an affair whilst she was pregnant with my brother. After their separation we ended up with social services involvement. I’ve had absolutely nothing to do with him since the day I turned 18.

You’ve mentioned a few times now the mud that sticks to my father etc, I hope that explanation is satisfactory for you.

But all of that aside - if both OP and her partner have this boys best interests at heart, are trying their best to support him and are offering him a loving, caring home - the bedroom situation can be resolved, is not the end of the world, and in no way reflects suffering.

OP posted at 9.43 saying that he works long hours.

bloody hell you’ve had quite a time of it 💐

I literally gave you the time of the post where op says he works long hours 🤷🏼‍♀️🙄 (9:43)

Show me a post before you commented that said he was a spolit brat or entitled? I cant see any!

What is your DH doing to help resolve the issue with his son and his new family? I'm guessing he's sitting back and letting you do all the legwork here and be the brunt of all of your DSS's aggression and anger.

This was my son’s experience, too.
Husband’s new partners rarely allowed DS to stay over - maybe once in a blue moon.

It’s ludicrous to suggest Op gives up her and her husband’s room.

They are very good to take a teenager on permanently with such a tiny house.
Teen can’t dictate terms.

yes the op makes no mention of what he is materially doing to improve the situation

it’s all on her

OP, I mean this in the best way possible, but if you were comfortable to bring this up now, you should have brought up this before mentioning that you were fine being treated as a guest in your fathers home. It adds a whole lot of context for you being treated fine as a guest in your father’s home.

Well DP is going to go through options with DSS?

I bet DSS's aggression and anger is small potatoes compared to the aggression and anger directed at her on here.

Op i can only guess your bending over backwards like this because dss has suffered severe trauma and been removed from mothers care and placed in yours and dp.

I would have let him share and given him the study but from your susequent posts I can see why you are being so mindful of dss

9.37.

Is there any option to board any roof space and let him have his bits up there for privacy and maybe gaming. He could still sleep in the bedroom.

does the landlord know that there’s 5 people living his in 2 bed flat?

A maximum of two people are permitted to share a room for sleeping irrespective of age. If there are two occupiers, they must be living together as partners, family members or consenting friends. A room shared by more than two people is overcrowded, and may be subject to enforcement action by the local authority.

@Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone

IKEA KALLAX TEMPORARY WALL example

https://www.tiktok.com/@frenchicpaint/video/7403388472234478880

I actually don't have tiktok but was able to watch this when trying to find an example for you 😊

How many people can occupy a room?
Under housing law, there are two ways to calculate if your home is overcrowded.

1. By the number of rooms for people to sleep in. This is called the room standard.
2. By the amount of space in the home and the number of people living in it. This is called the space standard.

Statutory overcrowding is when there are too many people living in your home using either of the calculations. Room standard No of roomsNo of people allowed 1 2 2 3 3 5 4 7.5 5+ 2 per extra room This standard does not include children under 10. Space standard Floor areaNo of people allowed 10.2 square metres (110 square feet) 2 8.4-10.1 square metres (90-19 square feet) 1.5 6.5-8.3 square metres (70-89 square feet) 1 4.6-6.4 square metres (50-69 square feet) 0.5 The floor area should be measured per room and the total of occupiers totalled for the whole dwelling. People counted are as follows:

• Baby under 1 equals 0 people
• Child 1 to 10 years equals ½ a person
• Aged over 10 years equals 1 person.