DSS saying hasn’t got enough space in shared bedroom

[Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone]

I’m trying my best to make it work and he’s being really ungrateful.

Me and dp have 2 ds (6 and 8) and dss is 15. 2 bed house (one very large bedroom one smaller that fits a double bed and one chest of drawers). Ds were sharing with 2 single beds in there and when dss stayed which used to be EOW me and dp would have the sofa bed downstairs.

Dss has now moved in with us so I got Ds 6 and 8 a bunkbed, a single bed for dss, a desk for dss, a small cupboard and cleared half the wardrobe so he had space for clothes. Put up 3 shelves for his things and used ikea shelves with storage boxes to partition half the room. It looks really nice. He’s furious . He wants our room as needs ‘privacy and quiet to study’.

My dc only use the room from 8-830pm each night as in the day they play downstairs. I’ve tried really hard to make this work (it was very last min due to an issue with dp ex).

I think it’s ok ? We can’t partition fully as renting. We can’t afford a bigger house so this is the best option. He thinks we should share a room with Ds 6 and 8 as wants his own space.

I’m not the other commenters though.

If OP and her partner had given him a bed of his own, a place for his clothes and toys years ago this drama would have been a lot easier as the kid wouldn’t feel like a guest in his fathers home.

Does the DSS mother have a job? how much maintenance will she be paying?

Couldn’t possibly be his mother’s fault. Who by the sounds of it didn’t know who his father was and then has somehow lost access entirely.

Must be the man who found out he had a 7 year old child, and the standard evil step mother.

or…. wondering whether he could get a second job
but that’s presuming he has a job

you don’t think relevant whether the father of these three children has a job? Given their living situation?

Ohhhh that solves it then. It's ok OP, just hop in your Time Machine, alter your financial circumstances ten years ago and buy a three bed.

I completely agree with this.

and of course the inevitable “unexpected” pregnancy.

There invariably is.

For me it's the mother. A child and two blokes get their lives turned upside down because of her lies. Imagine how he felt when the man he thought was his father disappeared from his life and suddenly he was expected to call another man dad. Jeremy Kyle would have loved this scenario.

What if he stays until he is 20? I think you really need a bigger house it’s as simple as that. Even if it means a less desirable area to get the space you need. Any suggestion involving you giving up your room will be a disaster and you will create a little dictator in your own home!

It shouldn't take 8 years to buy your son a bed and a shelf. But for some reason, it did.

It's worth reading the updates, since we've learned OP and DH didn't even know the lad existed when they chose to have their two ... the "father" who his birth mum had foisted him onto found out he wasn't the father after all, so she looked for the next possibility and now seems to have dumped the poor boy completely

I do hope your DH has had a DNA test done OP? Obviously the lad's needs are paramount in this, and FWIW you appear to be doing your best in the circumstances, but you might as well be sure before turning yet more lives upside down

It sounds like that would mean they’d have had to have moved house. Which may not have been doable.

He was there around 4 days a month before now, I’m not sure anyone reasonable would expect a fully set up space for that amount of time.

When I was in the same position, I was a guest in my father’s home. I was there 2 days a weekend, twice a month. I wasn’t a guest in my home, where I lived, with my mother.

@Tacocatgoatcheesepizza if someone cannot afford another child then abortion is available, we're very lucky to have this option available to us in this country. The couple made a conscious decision to continue the pregnancy and have a 3rd child, not a 2nd, a 3rd. And that's absolutely fine - but this situation is a consequence of that decision and it's their job to pay for that (not the states/council as some people have suggested...)

Do you have any option to extend into the loft?

What do you even mean.

I’m not even thinking about the mother. She is no longer on the scene it would appear in any shape or form, which really says all i. red to know about her parenting skills ie none

I am assuming he has a job like most people.

Op mentions him paying maintenance which makes it sound like more than just the few £ a week he’d be paying if he was unemployed.

They are renting. Plus that is hardly going to give the boy a room tonight.

If he was paying any substantial maintenance, I would expect it to more or less cover the additional rent for a 3 bed to be honest. The difference round me is £250ish a month...

birth control is practically 99% safe

and yet in these similar threads there’s always tends to be an “unexpected” pregnancy

If i’d been i. this couple’s living situation. with two children, i’d have been on pill, coil and bloody condoms! oh and withdrawal just to be safe

He had a bed at his mum's house. The one that is now out of the picture.

I’m very sorry that you have some issue with blended families and step parents, possibly fathers too.

He was there a limited amount of time. They gave him their space when he was there. They didn’t have as many bedrooms as they did children. That’s life.

So? Dads can buy beds too. They're allowed into Ikea you know

“most people” living in a two bed rental flat with a 15 year old, 8 and 6 year old, have a job?

I think that’s quite an assumption

That money isn’t now spare though is it - now they are feeding and clothing and paying for everything else for the dss.