DSS saying hasn’t got enough space in shared bedroom

[Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone]

I’m trying my best to make it work and he’s being really ungrateful.

Me and dp have 2 ds (6 and 8) and dss is 15. 2 bed house (one very large bedroom one smaller that fits a double bed and one chest of drawers). Ds were sharing with 2 single beds in there and when dss stayed which used to be EOW me and dp would have the sofa bed downstairs.

Dss has now moved in with us so I got Ds 6 and 8 a bunkbed, a single bed for dss, a desk for dss, a small cupboard and cleared half the wardrobe so he had space for clothes. Put up 3 shelves for his things and used ikea shelves with storage boxes to partition half the room. It looks really nice. He’s furious . He wants our room as needs ‘privacy and quiet to study’.

My dc only use the room from 8-830pm each night as in the day they play downstairs. I’ve tried really hard to make this work (it was very last min due to an issue with dp ex).

I think it’s ok ? We can’t partition fully as renting. We can’t afford a bigger house so this is the best option. He thinks we should share a room with Ds 6 and 8 as wants his own space.

I think you're doing really great.

Your own post was somewhat hyperbolic. Accusing the op of just wanting her own little family with no thought for her stepson. I see no sign of that. She is trying to help.

And as you are having a go at her for having a second child, I am just interested in what you think she should have done when she found out she was unexpectedly pregnant?

You sound like a great family - that is what is most important.

Not giving someone their own bed for 7 years isn’t ‘trying their best’. It’s literally the opposite. They haven’t put any actual effort in and now are paying the price.

Excuses? More like a series of life events that didn't fall their way. Shit happens. Op cares and wants to minimise the shit and I dont see that beating OP up about it helps at all

Millions of kids grow up sharing beds or room in overcrowded accommodation - are you saying my parents shouldn't have had me because they couldn't guarantee me having my own room ? How many people KNOW 100% what their life wil be tomorrow never mind in 5 years time ? Are children a privilege only for the rich who can afford to live in a certain specific way ?

They can hardly move houses from one day to the next. Please be realistic.

The OP is looking at solutions for now, and she is doing great.

Seriously?

Despicable post

Anyone who can afford to give a permanent bed to someone who is hardly ever there has plenty of money

And if they can't understand someone else can't do that then they also have more Money than sense

Back in the day I stayed with a family in Finland who had a two bed flat with three children. The baby was in with the parents, and while I was there, the 4 year old was too.

They had a big wardrobe in the other bedroom which went across the middle of the room and almost created a complete partition. They took the back off a section of it to allow people to walk through and then the 4 year old and 12 year old shared it. However, you did still have to walk through one "bedroom" to get to the other.

Yes. He could have had the vasectomy after his second child.

i agree

if my children were living like this… i’d be taking on a second job

although that’s presuming the father has a job in the first place

So SS gets his own room and the other 4 members of the household, who have always lived there, have to share a room?

@Fluufer have you considered that SS was in the smaller bedroom to begin with? Then shared with younger sibling, then got the parents' bedroom for more space/privacy once the second sibling was old enough to be in a single?

Someone who is hardly ever there? It not just ‘someone’, it’s his child.

How is it despicable to suggest that the transition to living with his Dad full time would have been easier if he had an actual place to sleep already set up and felt part of the family?

I think you're being lovely considering giving up your room, the set up you did with the younger boys was very nice and you tried hard so I'm sorry you've ended up feeling bad. He's just in an awful time in his life right now, he probably really needs somewhere he can just shut the door. That doesn't mean you've done anything wrong though, many teens have to share with their younger siblings, it's a sad reality especially now that many families just cannot afford more space.

Ah. So he had a bed, but they gave it away to the new child. Much better. Very considerate.

If she’d given him his own bed, it would have likely been in the room it is now - with his siblings. That wouldn’t have been good enough for those commenting here either.

The other options were rent a 3 bed house, or live in the lounge. Neither of which make any sense if at the time he was there EOW.

It’s also entirely not relevant to the issue she has now, which to most of us it’s completely clear she’s trying to resolve and has his best at heart.

what are you on about?

I haven’t said this

I know, ridiculous the way step-children are treated as higher beings. Someone actually seriously suggested that he gets the entire bottom floor and parents vacate at 9pm upstairs.

d, I am just interested in what you think she should have done when she found out she was unexpectedly pregnant?

Ah yes “unexpectedly pregnant”

Loving that some on here are not content with bitching about the ops intentions but with no grounds whatsoever now appear to have decided that the dh is a waster with no job. Plenty of employed people cannot afford to move to bigger homes and are squashed into a too small space.

For me…. it’s the man in this scenario that’s appalling.

OP does he have a job?