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Original poster

DSS saying hasn’t got enough space in shared bedroom

1000 replies

Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone · 31/12/2024 09:32

I’m trying my best to make it work and he’s being really ungrateful.

Me and dp have 2 ds (6 and 8) and dss is 15. 2 bed house (one very large bedroom one smaller that fits a double bed and one chest of drawers). Ds were sharing with 2 single beds in there and when dss stayed which used to be EOW me and dp would have the sofa bed downstairs.

Dss has now moved in with us so I got Ds 6 and 8 a bunkbed, a single bed for dss, a desk for dss, a small cupboard and cleared half the wardrobe so he had space for clothes. Put up 3 shelves for his things and used ikea shelves with storage boxes to partition half the room. It looks really nice. He’s furious . He wants our room as needs ‘privacy and quiet to study’.

My dc only use the room from 8-830pm each night as in the day they play downstairs. I’ve tried really hard to make this work (it was very last min due to an issue with dp ex).

I think it’s ok ? We can’t partition fully as renting. We can’t afford a bigger house so this is the best option. He thinks we should share a room with Ds 6 and 8 as wants his own space.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
MoreNetflix · 31/12/2024 13:38

trendingdiscussion · 31/12/2024 13:28

This man shouldn’t have gone on to have more children

He couldn’t afford them

I agree that he doesn’t seem to have provided a proper home for his child and I can’t stand crap parents like him, but the situation is what it is and it seems OP is trying to do what she can. I do wonder where her partner is in all this, I hope he is finally taking on the responsibility and not leaving it all to OP.

trendingdiscussion · 31/12/2024 13:39

Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone · 31/12/2024 10:01

I wasn’t actually aware when I met dp neither was he that he even had a child ! We found out when I was pregnant with ds1 as from what I can gather the person who thought they were dss father had doubts and then had a dna test then dp ex got in touch with other potential fathers and that’s when we found out and from that point he had regular contact and paid maintenance .

oh i see

this poor boy

trendingdiscussion · 31/12/2024 13:40

is living in a 2 bedroom rental unlikely to change in the imminent future Op? presumably very low income.? no possibility of extra work?

Octalinx · 31/12/2024 13:40

thirdfiddle · 31/12/2024 13:36

And? A child who is there so frequently deserved his own bed. Not someone else’s bed. He’s not a visitor. He lives there. He deserves his own space and to not be treated like an inconvenience.

What were they supposed to do? Live four people in one bedroom 26 days of the month so HRH could have his own room the other four? For a family struggling for space that would have been a total waste. Would he have preferred to be in with the younger children for those 4 days? It seems not.

Realistically, if he had been with them more of the time from a younger age, he would be used to sharing with his brothers. That is what the family can afford currently. He has got extra privilege as a courtesy to an occasional resident, now he is a full time resident that is not possible. Or perhaps it is, but I'd think they are setting up for disaster if they seriously plan to put one sibling in his own room with use of his own study and the other two siblings have to share with their parents.

If they can set the living space up for parents to use as a bedroom seems like the best option for now. Which would be similar to what they were doing before but on a more permanent basis.

OP, if your DH is no longer paying maintenance, might that help financially with saving towards a move?

Once again, they deserve a permanent bed, not bedroom.

But OP decided her idea of an idyllic little family mattered more and decided to have another child meaning DSS doesn’t even have a proper permanent place to sleep.

crumblingschools · 31/12/2024 13:40

@trendingdiscussion in OP's post at 10.01 they stated that her partner wasn't aware he was a dad when DSS was born and only found out when OP was pregnant with DC1

spuddy4 · 31/12/2024 13:41

@trendingdiscussion go to the OPs comment at 10:01 and she explains what happened. As I said it's not a typical blended family that MN hates, this time the mother is to blame but that's never popular on here.

MrRobinsonsQuango · 31/12/2024 13:41

Don't we all want the biggest and best bedroom! I do and l have it but l paid about 55% of the cost of the house so l can do that and l still share with my husband

I vote the study becomes his study and he sleeps in the shared room. It's not ideal but a bedroom can't be magicked out of thin air with no extra cash

berksandbeyond · 31/12/2024 13:41

JaneWolfHall · 31/12/2024 13:13

I don't really get all these people saying 3 children of different ages cannot share. Of course it is not ideal, but lots of larger families have 3 in one room. I know families in London renting, both privately and Council, with 5 or 6 children in 2 or 3 bedroom homes. These children share with wide age gaps and nowhere to study. At least the OP can offer a study space.
Many families are overcrowded with today's housing crisis.

People have GOT to start aiming higher than 'survival' for their kids ffs

Mostlyoblivious · 31/12/2024 13:42

Lentilweaver · 31/12/2024 13:20

Because they rent.

Show quote history

And renters can erect one with permission and they don’t have to be permanent ergo they can be moved when tenant does. OP is asking for support and suggestions and, having stated that they can’t move quickly, this seemed worth suggesting

CandidFruit · 31/12/2024 13:43

CandidFruit · 31/12/2024 12:46

@Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone

Here's an idea to erect a temporary partition wall to divide the larger room.
You said in your OP you've bought ikea shelves with storage boxes.
Are these the Kallax range?
Is it possible to screw a couple of sheets of floor to ceiling height plasterboard onto the unit (buy another if needs be, long enough to create a proper divide to make two "rooms")
You may need to attach a few wooden battens to screw into.
At least then it will create a substantial enough for the time being divide, rather than just open ikea shelves.

If room is large enough, you could even have kallaxes (tall ones) on both sides and just slot the sheets of plasterboard in between!

I hope you get the idea of what I mean.
I could draw a picture but I think my DCs would do a better job!😂

Here we go, just one example of what I was trying to describe
@Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone

I've been down a rabbit hole watching these since I posted!
Hopefully something along these lines is achievable?

Hope the link works...

www.tiktok.com/@frenchicpaint/video/7403388472234478880

lolstevelol · 31/12/2024 13:43

@Lentilweaver Is it easier if the Dad is the one that has no kids, but marries a women that has a child.

CandidFruit · 31/12/2024 13:46

ScribblingPixie · 31/12/2024 13:33

There are examples of this with videos online that you can find if you include 'Kallax Ikea hack' in the search - hack is important.

Show quote history

I was actually watching some of these after I posted!
Could solve OP's problem as the partition is not permanent but it does create two proper "rooms"

SemperIdem · 31/12/2024 13:46

trendingdiscussion · 31/12/2024 13:28

This man shouldn’t have gone on to have more children

He couldn’t afford them

Hardly helpful input. What is the op supposed to do with the existing younger children at this point?

She wants to support her step son, that is very apparent. It’s also apparent this boy has experienced a number of fairly unique and difficult circumstances, at a very young. He’s had a very hard time!

PureBoggin · 31/12/2024 13:46

Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone · 31/12/2024 09:50

I think to be honest I’m going to have to move the new single bed and ikea unit to our room and put our double bed in with the boys. I can’t see any other way . I know my feelings aren’t important but I thought I’d done really well it looked lovely ! But i was maybe approaching from the wrong viewpoint

So everyone in the home including the two adults who work and pay the bills have to share the smallest room whilst the teenage boy gets an entire massive room to himself. Don't be silly.

You really need to move. There simply isn't space for all of you. Are you receiving maintenance from his mum? Could this be used to contribute towards rent elsewhere?

KilkennyCats · 31/12/2024 13:47

crumblingschools · 31/12/2024 13:40

@trendingdiscussion in OP's post at 10.01 they stated that her partner wasn't aware he was a dad when DSS was born and only found out when OP was pregnant with DC1

And went on to have child no. 3, knowing they could only afford a two bedroomed place.

trendingdiscussion · 31/12/2024 13:49

crumblingschools · 31/12/2024 13:40

@trendingdiscussion in OP's post at 10.01 they stated that her partner wasn't aware he was a dad when DSS was born and only found out when OP was pregnant with DC1

indeed

but went on to have a third.

Tacocatgoatcheesepizza · 31/12/2024 13:50

Octalinx · 31/12/2024 13:40

Once again, they deserve a permanent bed, not bedroom.

But OP decided her idea of an idyllic little family mattered more and decided to have another child meaning DSS doesn’t even have a proper permanent place to sleep.

Show quote history

No need to be such a bitch. If you’d bothered reading the ops posts you would see that their second child was unplanned and the dh had a vasectomy immediately afterwards. Or are you now suggesting that women should be required to have abortions if they accidentally fall pregnant and their partner already has a child?

To me OP sounds like she is trying to do her best in what must be difficult circumstances for everyone involved.

trendingdiscussion · 31/12/2024 13:50

is there no chance of your partner getting a second job (if he has a job that is?) to enable an upgrade to a 3 bedroom?

trendingdiscussion · 31/12/2024 13:50

Tacocatgoatcheesepizza · 31/12/2024 13:50

No need to be such a bitch. If you’d bothered reading the ops posts you would see that their second child was unplanned and the dh had a vasectomy immediately afterwards. Or are you now suggesting that women should be required to have abortions if they accidentally fall pregnant and their partner already has a child?

To me OP sounds like she is trying to do her best in what must be difficult circumstances for everyone involved.

Show quote history

it’s a litany of excuses

Fluufer · 31/12/2024 13:51

SleeplessInWherever · 31/12/2024 13:32

Come off it.

Do you genuinely believe that everyone has the means, or space, to permanently keep a bedroom free for anyone who is there every other weekend?

I’ll admit, I do try and live by the “amount of beds needed +1” rule. But that isn’t always feasible, or affordable, and until recently it wasn’t needed here. He was there EOW and space was made available for him.

The issue is that space doesn’t meet the needs of him being there full time, before that isn’t what’s being discussed and at this point you’re all just aimlessly judging.

Show quote history

They managed to squeeze a bed in once they were forced. Why not 8 years ago when there were 2 fewer children?

trendingdiscussion · 31/12/2024 13:51

Or are you now suggesting that women should be required to have abortions if they accidentally fall pregnant and their partner already has a child?
are you one for hyperbole in real life?

Tacocatgoatcheesepizza · 31/12/2024 13:51

Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone · 31/12/2024 10:20

Wasn’t planned and dp had a vasectomy afterwards !!!

Show quote history

Just highlighting this post from the op for those going on about her having a second child.

Lentilweaver · 31/12/2024 13:52

No idea @lolstevelol. Only speaking for myself..I do realise life is not black or white.

Sagedragon · 31/12/2024 13:52

Tryingtoaccomodateeveryone · 31/12/2024 09:35

I’m wondering do I move our work stuff from the study to front room and make the best of it to give him the study and put his desk and gaming chair etc etc in there so he has that as a study / gaming space ?

That sounds like a good compromise, gives him his own space.

SleeplessInWherever · 31/12/2024 13:53

trendingdiscussion · 31/12/2024 13:49

indeed

but went on to have a third.

Show quote history

Who are you, the baby police? Is anyone asking you to look after OP’s kids, or try and house them all?

Life happens. And it sounds like it has happened a great deal to this family.

They’re trying their best to support everyone in what is quite clearly a really difficult time, and the nonsense from some is completely unhelpful.

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