People who drop out of life

[Dappy777]

Over the last week or so I've had two separate conversations about people who've 'dropped out' of life – no job, no friends, no interest in anything.

Last night, for example, I went for a meal with a family friend who was telling us about his youngest brother. He is 30, lives with their mum, and has no life at all. He has no job, no relationship, no hobbies and very few friends. He spends all day in the flat eating takeaways and drinking, then sleeps most of the afternoon, wakes up around 8pm and sits up all night playing video games. He's never been abroad, and never even been to London (he lives in north Essex).

I had a similar chat on Christmas Day. A neighbour told me about his brother and how he's "given up on life" (as my neighbour put it). Doesn't work, date, socialize, pursue hobbies, nothing.

It isn't so much the not dating or not working that puzzles me. Plenty of people don't want a serious relationship, or kids, or even a job. I can even understand not socialising (I'm a bit of an introvert myself). What I find so puzzling is the lack of interest in life/being alive – you know, just going for a walk on a spring morning, or swimming in the sea, or looking at the stars. Is it depression do you think? I know of quite a few people like this – young people who play video games, smoke weed, and seem to have opted out of the world. I don't know if it's my imagination, but it seems to be more common. Is it just me?

I do wonder if there are some people who are more suited to an institutional life.

Haven't read every single post on TFT but noone seems to have pointed out that computer gaming does mean socialising,online. People get companionship and interaction with others that way,often with less judgement.
Not saying that it's a healthy way to live without experiences in IRL though...

Also consider the menopause transition. Around that age a not insubstantial number of women scale back work or stop because they can't deal with it. I'm going through that at the moment and it really does make my energy levels less, so I can understand why that makes people more self contained.

I got your point.

You misjudge me. I certainly don't dislike 'different' people. By nature I'm an arty introvert and much prefer eccentric outsiders. I have little interest in careers or keeping up with the joneses either. My life is books and art and nature.

I did t realise I was drip feeding, I’ve answered questions all through this thread about my situation. I don’t actually want sympathy, more just an understanding of how people can end up in this situation.
I appreciate I am lucky to have a care coordinator and psychiatric input.

Blimey Shotokan101 there is absolutely no need for that level of aggression.

There are many people like this 😞

I had a much loved boyfriend who sometimes was like this, and whose brother was like this to an even more debilitating extent. They both had mental health problems, and had been abandoned by their mother as children. They funded the lifestyle through benefits, as both unable to work. They were poor and it wasn't (isn't) a life anyone would envy.

You weren't drip feeding. The person who replied to you is an idiot, you were answering a question and don't need to justify this with your whole life story.

This is very sad, you should seek help. Contact your doctor for referral.

I am under the MH team.

@WhatNoRaisins

I think supported living rather than institution would be better. My brother would definitely benefit from that type of arrangement. Expensive to the taxpayer though.

I had my gallbladder removed in Jan 2024 and I felt the woman across the bay from me was in the same situation as my brother. She really didn't want to go home. In the hospital, someone else was making sure she ate a healthy diet, took her meds on time, changed her bed, cleaned her area, cleaned the toilets & showers, socialised with her and her elderly mum came to visit each day. She was able to fill her day pursuing her interests (mostly online) without worry. She said herself that her two weeks in hospital were the best she had felt in quite some time.

We are certainly not meeting the needs of these adults who struggle to be independent.

There needs to be more options for people who aren't going to be able to manage living independently. The current system is a lot to expect from aging parents.

I am 56 and always suffered with my MH due to childhood trauma and young adult trauma. I always worked, had my first child at 19, went back to work when they were 18 months. Had another child 7 years later and went back to work when they were 8 months old. I had a mental breakdown in my early 30’s but still carried on working and raising my children. I was always on antidepressants and had counselling throughout this time. In my 40’s I got diagnosed with depression, anxiety, suicidal tendencies and borderline personality disorder.
whilst attending therapy I saw a lot of younger people who were mixed up emotionally and mentally.
I am now one of those people who have no interest in life. I don’t do anything, I can’t go out on my own and I literally have no interest in life. I would prefer not to be here.
I think younger people can access service much earlier which takes the strain and stress of life from them. They are supported and do not just have to carry on like I did.
Hopefully their lives will turnaround for the better if the emotional turmoil allows it.

You have leapt to a series of unkind assumptions! You have accused this person of being only a taker! There are many ways in which someone can be a positive in the world and you know zero about the financial circumstances of this person or about how people who know them feel when they are around. One of my oldest friends is now in her 90’s is unable to physically do much hardly leaves her house and doesn't have hobbies she can do anymore but she is kind and lovely and lifts my spirits every time I see her.

Yes I totally agree. What happens when those parents die? Worn out from stress and worry . The dependent child has then got no roof over their head and no skills to cope. My son will never be able to afford to buy anywhere. The prospect of renting with strangers in your forties and fifties isn’t a cheery one.

I'm not loving what you said.
I'm sending you love ❤️

@Uricon2 One of DH’s aunts is a nun and it’s pretty hard work from what’s she’s said. She’s now about 80 and semi-retired, but is still involved in various community service projects,

I think even the silent orders expect their participants to engage in some type of work, it’s not all prayer and contemplation.

That's so sad.

I absolutely agree with this. My brother is like this. Manages to hold down a job but works from home, sees no one, no hobbies, doesn’t go out or leave his town, shuts down all his old friendships and the only people he will see are parents for Sunday lunch.
He’s not happy but he’s also very fragile and a mortgage/family/responsibilities/a pet even would put him in a complete tailspin.
I’ve tried to rationalise it but I think some people (like DB) find life really hard and the things that lots of people find easy and enjoyable are actually a real struggle and maybe even unpleasant for people like him.

I have noticed that more people are live like this since covid and onwards.The anxiety both seen and unseen has taken a very heavy toll on people's mental health along with the constant changes in society and societal norms,the cost of living and a somewhat gloomy outlook on the future.

I can't help wondering - would you like to enjoy life more? If you were given the choice of waking up enthusiastic and curious tomorrow would you take it? Or are you fine as you are and the issue is simply other people badgering you to get more from life when you don't want to?

Yep my exH, he didn’t even live with me after we married, stayed in the family home with M&D, and came over 2 or 3 nights a week 😳 it’s a miracle the marriage lasted 4 years! No friends, no hobbies, but he did work (on his own, no colleagues)