People who drop out of life

[Dappy777]

Over the last week or so I've had two separate conversations about people who've 'dropped out' of life – no job, no friends, no interest in anything.

Last night, for example, I went for a meal with a family friend who was telling us about his youngest brother. He is 30, lives with their mum, and has no life at all. He has no job, no relationship, no hobbies and very few friends. He spends all day in the flat eating takeaways and drinking, then sleeps most of the afternoon, wakes up around 8pm and sits up all night playing video games. He's never been abroad, and never even been to London (he lives in north Essex).

I had a similar chat on Christmas Day. A neighbour told me about his brother and how he's "given up on life" (as my neighbour put it). Doesn't work, date, socialize, pursue hobbies, nothing.

It isn't so much the not dating or not working that puzzles me. Plenty of people don't want a serious relationship, or kids, or even a job. I can even understand not socialising (I'm a bit of an introvert myself). What I find so puzzling is the lack of interest in life/being alive – you know, just going for a walk on a spring morning, or swimming in the sea, or looking at the stars. Is it depression do you think? I know of quite a few people like this – young people who play video games, smoke weed, and seem to have opted out of the world. I don't know if it's my imagination, but it seems to be more common. Is it just me?

ForeverDelayedEphiphany - so sorry that seems like you have had and continue to have a hard time . I am glad that you have the support of your DH and have been able to have a family of your own .You seem like you are a lovely Mum to them .

I do hope that some of the more aggressive posters read the posts by you and others as to why some people have multiple issues and have the potential to drop out of society . I am glad that you had the support not to do this , but obviously sadly some others are not so lucky .

Psychiatric hospitals are crammed with people who can’t cope with life. Most of the people you describe are in the same boat except they are lucky enough to have family who can/ will house and support them.

So sorry twistingmymelons . I hope that you are able to access some support .

Thank you so much for your lovely and caring words and kindness. That really means a lot and is a very good way to end my year. ✨️❤️ Much love and good wishes to you too ❤️

@Noncomm Have a lovely 2025

Just to say I am so sorry to hear this. Sending you good thoughts.

Oh God, completely agree. I could write a book on the shocking treatment of mothers.

Either you're pampered and loved by your man and family

Or you're on your own. And when people see you're on your own, or things arent going so well, they take the opportunity to kick you. A woman, who's just had a baby.

My theory is, that if you're a woman who is connected to a man, people will respect you. If they sense there's no man, for whatever reason, they won't.

I'd definitely love a friend, and a friend would've been a godsend during the early years of dd's life 🥺.

Last night, for example, I went for a meal with a family friend who was telling us about his youngest brother. He is 30, lives with their mum, and has no life at all. He has no job, no relationship, no hobbies and very few friends. He spends all day in the flat eating takeaways and drinking, then sleeps most of the afternoon, wakes up around 8pm and sits up all night playing video games. He's never been abroad, and never even been to London (he lives in north Essex).

It’s interesting - I don’t know if the Op agrees but I feel we’ve got increasingly further than the type of lifestyle/person they describe. They talk about someone with very few friends, lives at home, doesn’t socialise or work, lives on takeaways and probably zones out on drink and passes the time by sleeping and has never even traveled to their own nations capital despite living a couple of hours away.

Many people on this thread who claim they have dropped out actually work - be it WFH or in the office - have relationships, artistic or social hobbies, enjoy going outside and experiencing nature, may even have children even and have been abroad even if not recently. That’s not quite the same as what the OP describes.

To answer the OPs question, yes I think it is possibly more common now due to the internet and things like gaming. When I was younger I’d often get bored if I stayed into much, now as long as I have good Wi-Fi I’m golden 😁 I think some people have low level depression often or have some suffered some trauma, and if parents/benefits are enabling them to continue their lifestyle they just say why not.

Not sure if anyone has mentioned it but in Japan this sort of thing has been an issue for quite a while among a certain kind of man. They don’t work, don’t have relationships (although some are deeply into porn or blow up dolls etc) and don’t have any friends.

Big hug.

@IfYouLook
There certainly is!

Obviously that's where you'd start with everyone. You're just lucky your DD was able to do that and see it through. Not everyone is capable of seeing that through, or sometimes the goal has to be something as simple as 'have a shower' or 'have breakfast'. Sometimes just getting through the day is all someone can manage. It's good your DD wasn't in that space.

I'm so sorry for you and your team, as well as her family and friends.

This is such an informative thread. Thank you especially to all the posters who have described their experiences of 'dropped out' life.

Yours is a simplistic view.

It's not just partners. Arseholes are everywhere and they deliberately or subconsciously target those they perceive as weak or vulnerable. Lots of people will be in a situation where if they go out into the world they encounter arsehole after arsehole after arsehole. The "strong character" (who others manage to deflect, avoid or somehow keep at bay) at every group or hobby they join will start to bully them. If someone in the street is about to get mugged or assaulted or verbally abused - its more likely to be them.

It doesn't matter that most people are basically good, if the 1% of time they're insensitive and thoughtless is at the same type of vulnerable adult (who is on the receiving end of lots of people's "1% bad"). Or if, of the 100 people on the high street that day who are mostly good, it's inevitably one of the ones who's mostly bad that you end up having some form of interaction with.

...sometimes it's because of what other people have done to them..their life experience hasn't been benign. Help is needed but I doubt there are sufficient nhs MH resources for them..🤷‍♀️

Simply not being able to cope with life will not get you a place in a psychiatric hospital. The streets and hostels are filled with people who can not cope with life.

@Ironfloor269
But the poster I was responding to - and if not that person specifically, many like them as mentioned on this thread - is also "paid" for by the rest of the people, e.g. benefits.
Which provide her/him with money to buy food / clothes / internet etc etc without having to work for that money.
So this person or others like her / him only take from the rest of the people without giving anything back.

While the farmers/sewage workers/engineers etc have to work in order to get paid - money which they use to buy food/clothes/internet etc etc. so they participate in inter exchanges with the rest of the people. They give and take, as part of society.

@ACatNamedRobin so what about a physical disability? Is it ok in your eyes for them to "take and not give back"?

I am the poster you were responding too and you're still being ridiculous. I don't get a cent in benefits. I have given far more than I have ever taken. Quite likely more than you due to vast quantities of professional time I have donated in the past for free or almost free to the people you despise so much. I'm probably in credit in terms of societal giving. I still give for free to help people, as often as needed.

While I would rather be working in the field I am trained in with people directly, I work from home sometimes and train many others to do that work instead. Although I do get paid for that part.

I still consider myself to have socially dropped out of society to some degree due to lack of emotional energy. You can't give from an empty cup.

There are few people in the world who don't really give anything at all. Even if it's a smile for a lonely neighbour they pass in the street if they go for a walk, whose own load is lightened because someone did that small thing.

Not everyone is in a position to contribute all the time. Maybe for some not at all.

One day you are likely to have to eat your words when you, or someone you know, needs help and support and benefits because they are incapable of doing it all for themselves. It's very likely. I hope you don't get one cent for you or any member of your family, or you're a hypocrite.

The only people getting benefits to live on long term as their sole income and not expected to work at all are those who are deemed too ill to work. It's not an easy status to get. You have to have medical backup or, whilst they might believe you can't work for a short period, they don't believe you can't work on a longer term basis. The status comes up for review regularly and the ill people have to prove all over again that they're still too ill to work. Nobody on benefits is "taking from everyone else forever and never giving back" as a lifestyle choice, because it isn't allowed.

Even if they are on benefits long term, chances are they give back to the community in other ways. Some volunteer, or provide other things that help other people. We can't all be the same.

If the poster you're referring to has her children in care while she goes to work, then the funding she takes comes from the public purse too. She should fund her own children's care and education or she's a hypocrite. I hope they don't get any routine family payments either (we never did). I hope they also have insurance for their own private healthcare (like we do). Income protection and life insurance to levels that they will never have to get public help if the worst happens. Otherwise they can't say anything.

Are you on glue? Women in their 50s are in no way socialised to accept their sons/ men as the 'head of the household'. It's not 1500!

most of the posts on this thread genuine, some are not, be aware peeps

Sounds like you reached your limit and couldn't take any more. Hell is other people, and if you avoid other people then you avoid problems. There's a big difference between trauma, unhappiness and clinical depression. Depression can just come and go for no reason but trauma has a lasting effect. Lots of people get treatment for unhappiness, mistaking it for clinical depression, but if you're going back to the same unhappy situation then it's pointless. I hope something wonderful happens to you in 2025.

Sorry, I did not acknowledge asd but wishing you well.