People who drop out of life

[Dappy777]

Over the last week or so I've had two separate conversations about people who've 'dropped out' of life – no job, no friends, no interest in anything.

Last night, for example, I went for a meal with a family friend who was telling us about his youngest brother. He is 30, lives with their mum, and has no life at all. He has no job, no relationship, no hobbies and very few friends. He spends all day in the flat eating takeaways and drinking, then sleeps most of the afternoon, wakes up around 8pm and sits up all night playing video games. He's never been abroad, and never even been to London (he lives in north Essex).

I had a similar chat on Christmas Day. A neighbour told me about his brother and how he's "given up on life" (as my neighbour put it). Doesn't work, date, socialize, pursue hobbies, nothing.

It isn't so much the not dating or not working that puzzles me. Plenty of people don't want a serious relationship, or kids, or even a job. I can even understand not socialising (I'm a bit of an introvert myself). What I find so puzzling is the lack of interest in life/being alive – you know, just going for a walk on a spring morning, or swimming in the sea, or looking at the stars. Is it depression do you think? I know of quite a few people like this – young people who play video games, smoke weed, and seem to have opted out of the world. I don't know if it's my imagination, but it seems to be more common. Is it just me?

I work in social care. This is a very real and increasing problem. Young men in my experience who have been diagnosed with various conditions come to live in supported housing. The ones with supportive family usually cope much better I’ve found.
Others will not bathe unless prompted, will eat only things straight out of fridge or cupboard, have no interest in anything unless it’s x box or PlayStation.
They are just simply existing. One day the same as any other. If they didn’t have carers going in every day goodness knows where’d they be.

@worriedhidinginplainsight your post really resonated with me, I feel like I could've written it myself. I'm sorry you've also experienced sexual assaults, the latest for me was my boss at work, I really didn't see that coming especially in my late 30's. I didn't feel strong enough to report or stand up for myself. I still work there but it won't be for much longer either I quit or I work somewhere else but to be honest I don't think I have it in me to start yet another job. This thread has made me quite sad actually...

No. I have 4 adult children. One lives at home, one is at uni. The other two live independently and visit a few times a year.

My husband doesn’t look after me. We look
after each other.

My ex was like this and I felt sorry for him.

I moved him in with me and occasionally he'd try getting a job and making some progress in life. The idiot I am had a baby with him. He ended up being violent towards me and neglected the baby (I was out trying to scrape a living and he would just leave her to watch TV, and scream at her for being a toddler)

In this period his parents significantly downsized and after he was released from prison (for trying to unalive me) he had to move into their tiny spare room. Shame. Wish I'd just left him to rot in the first place.

How do you manage your expenses?! Most of us have to work to pay the bills whether we like it or not.

i have various MH problems including PTSD and BPD i was told wanting to sleep in the day and be awake at night is a normal reaction. you dont feel safe in the dark so dont want to sleep then but can sleep easier in the day. I am lucky if I can overcome nightmares etc and sleep 4 hours at night but in the day I fight nodding off all the time

Well that's hardly ''dropping out of life'' if supported by a husband.

I covered this up thread. My husband works. We get a tiny bit of UC and I get PIP. I used to work full time.

I was kidnapped as a child and trafficked into sex work. For years I was traded for money, drugs, taxis, takeaways, building work, groceries, alcohol and other goods and services.

For years and years not one man said no to raping me in return for whatever my 'boyfriend' wanted and not one of them helped me.

When you know there are thousands of men out there willing to rape a child and teenager and young woman who is beaten, bruised, bloodied and held down you tend not to trust. Or believe that most people are good and kind.

I'm not sure how I could've just avoided those people and I'm not sure I was drawn to any of them either. I also wouldn't call my kidnapper and abuser a partner but he was a bully.

That bit really stood out to me. I am 70, (born 1954) so beyond “middle-aged”, and I don’t know any woman of my generation who believes we should defer to men. That was my mother’s generation, most of whom are gone or very elderly.

Yeah. Suicide's quite hard to do. This can be a way of precipitating a crisis in your own life (e.g. being made homeless when you run out of money) that will make it easier to kill oneself.

Yeah, there’s no bluebird in her heart.

What a grade 'A' piece of shit.

So glad you wised up to his vile behaviour and got out.

There was a thread on here recently where a woman met a 'partner' who is remanded for violence and has a volatile temper and she's expecting twins with the man.

I do get where you're coming from, but would you ask the same of someone with a physical disability? Do you think mental disabilities (or MH issues, or whatever people call them - not trying to offend anyone) are basically a choice?
Genuine question - not trying to throw shit at you.

I know a young woman who is like this. She's a fantastic illustrator and she did start a little business doing that for others but her self esteem and anxiety was so bad that she didn't have the courage to actually invoice people for her work so she did a few jobs but declined billing for it because she thought the work wasn't good enough. It's really sad because that is something that very well could have helped grow her confidence. Her dad has now bought her a flat and she is moving out to live on her own at 22, I am not sure if that will be good for her or if it will just further her isolation.

I feel like there is a chance she will be able to opt in to society again at some point with the right support but it's almost impossible to know what that support should look like. I am definitely not qualified to determine it. At the moment her life is only online with people she has never met. I feel like the online community helps her feel less alone, but at the same time it doesn't motivate her to go outside and into the "real world", which she might not have done either way.

This thread is about people living in isolation, so I assumed you were living alone. Which is why I asked about how you managed financially, because I'm trying to support a relative who seems to want total isolation (although I suspect he spends a lot of time in his virtual world) while expecting his cousins and any other relatives (small family, not many of us left) to pay his bills.

More and more people like this.
You can see it as "having no life", I see it as a valid choice and if they can fund these lifestyles, good for them.
Without further prejudice, nobody chose to be born.

My Mum died last year, almost 93, the thought of her or any of her friends deferring to a man is fantastic. But then we build tough Matriarches in Lancashire😁

She was one tough lady as was her Mum and sisters.

That doesn’t sound healthy at all

Agree.

I believe the internet and gaming have taken the place of real life for a vast swath of people.

Yeah.

When you think of the odds of any of us being here ... to just throw it away....being a dullard with no interests...

Or doing these jobs that don't exist, living and enjoying life without the expectation anymore of having a 14 stone whining lump of ungrateful uselessness to drag them down?

@Joystir59 She hasn't 'done this to herself' she has severe anxiety.
If someone had written that to me in one of my bad depression episodes I would take it as a judgy comment that it is my fault and I would feel even worse.

That's really awful.

Revolting men to do this.

I hope you were able to report these criminals to the police later so they were prosecuted.

A decent man wouldn't consider raping a child, and would surely have got help for you, seeing a child, desperate and afraid.

I was sexually abused as a 9 yr old,{Not a family member} and experienced physical violence from a family member, so have zero tolerance for anyone who is likely to be violent or abusive now and give them a swerve.

But have had friends, especially when younger, who go from one violent man to another, a repeating pattern.

I can see how it can go either way with virtual communities. I can relate a bit in that I had some old friends that I was in touch with mostly online and it probably did act as a link to the real world that tided me over until I was in a position to rejoin it.

Problem is for an outsider it's hard to tell if these online things are helping or harming.