Is there a thread for those having a crap Christmas yet? ☹️

[darkmodereactivated]

If not then I’ll start one.

Baby’s first Christmas, DH is an excellent dad and I couldn’t have asked more from him over the last three months. D(?)M has a few drinks and decides to criticise his parenting skills, how he rocks the baby of all things. She refuses to apologise when asked, then doubles down and mocks him verbally and with gestures. It was horrible.

DH hurt, upset and angry. He wants an apology and says she’s not welcome in this house any more. DF disgusted by her behaviour and has been considering an Uber home in the morning. I’m piggy in the middle and have spent £250 on food etc. We have a velcro baby and it has been such a tall order trying to get house ready and was so looking forward to an amazing time.

Tomorrow morning DM definitely won’t apologise, likely she won’t actually remember the half of what happened. Even if we fake having a good day it won’t be true enjoyment, and I am gutted that this is what we are all going to remember of our baby’s first Christmas. What a shit show.

Solidarity to anyone else whose Christmas has been ruined

It’s a four hour drive - she’s not been well all week so trying to cut her some slack but equally it’s a bit of a nightmare…

going over to my aunts for Christmas dinner and I’m hoping having some other adults about might mitigate the situation!

We had a family death on the 23rd the mother of 4 small children. We already have two death anniversaries on the 24th. I had to get emergency dental surgery yesterday I'm unable to eat so im just alternating between icing and heating my jaw. Painkillers are doing nothing for the pain. On the plus side my son had a lovely morning and really e joyed santa visiting but il be glad to get this day over.

I’m sorry so many people are having a hard time and particularly for those of you who have lost loved ones recently.

It’s very much put into perspective our issue for the day, which is that OH managed to catch an iron gate at my parents driving in and it’s damaged the side of the car and the door (which now won’t open). Not ideal but hardly the end of the world.

@BeyondMyWits offering. solidarity over the teeth. I had two teeth out two weeks ago, gums have mostly healed but am struggling to eat, as there is now a huge gap at that side and have been mostly using the teeth at the opposite side of my mouth. Broke a filling eating a pig in blanket this morning so now have another dentist trip to look forward to in the new year.

I stopped doing Christmas with family in early 20s. I was no longer a child and I could actually choose to have a relaxing, stress-free Christmas.

Maybe don't invite your parents over next year?

Sorry it’s been so tough, OP. I agree there is no choice to be made here. She needs to leave.

Becoming so drunk that you’re belligerent and rude to your family in such a horrible, personal way is unforgivable. Your DH must be gutted and I feel sorry for your DF. Don’t let her get away with any excuses about ‘being 80’ or suggesting anyone is overreacting.

I'm a bit sad. My DB blurted out in a very rare/infrequent message exchange (birthdays/Christmas only usually) that he had never had family love in his life, and had to build his own family and emigrate to find that love.

I've wept many times in the last 10 years when he's shut down all my attempts at conversation, blanked me when I've tried to reminisce, or when he's made scathing comments about happy childhood memories I've brought up. I can't understand why he doesn't love me, why he left me with our devastated DM when he left the country without a look back. He seemed to want to forget all about our early life, and forget me too. Now he claims it's because he "wasn't loved".

But the thing is, he absolutely was. In fact he was DFs favourite. We were brought up in a normal, happy family - no toxicity or drama, no poverty, nothing. Yes our DF left when we were small (I was a newborn) and we were part of two large blended families, and people made mistakes. But I'm genuinely shocked and heartbroken that he felt unloved and I'm not sure how to process it. Not sure if he's deluded or I am.

Oh and have a bastard sore throat too.

I'm so sorry. It's very painful when someone tries to re-write history, especially if it's to position themselves as a victim and they were anything but.

Maybe now is an opportunity to be honest with him? That it's a shame he feels this way, but as he's rebuffed every effort you've made to try and have a closer relationship with him, you're glad he has now found what he's looking for, as it means you can draw a line now.

Having to accept that relationship won't be there, is hard. But there's freedom in being honest and knowing that you have spoken up for yourself, regardless of whether he listens or not.

Ouch... much sympathy.

On the funnier side, my dentist was flagged up in my top 10 visited places on Google maps.... we were all comparing. Some people had the spa, the pub etc... mine were the dentist and the pharmacy. Living life to the full...🤣

DS has Autism and ADHD struggles with christmas, and this is his first off anti-psychotics and anti-depressants in 8 years.

He's had a wobble recently with subtle early psychosis signs then seemed to be better. He's couldn't face a meal or a big deal today so we've been ultra low key.
This afternoon my dogs fought, my DS tried to separate them and got bitten right through his finger and a lesser bite on his elbow.

We've spent the last few hours in minor injuries and then me tracking down a chemist that's open to buy antibiotics. As a result my Ds is wobbling again and in a lot of pain.
Fuck Christmas.

My mum has alzheimer's. This year we decided it was best to take up food and cook at hers. We took all the food because 1) mum wouldn't remember 2) there are food hygiene issues. I spent the day emptying her stinking mess of a freezer and we had to wash the crockery, cutlery and cooking utensils before we could use them. And I found a letter saying she had missed 3 hospital appointments for an important scan that I'd been waiting to hear about because they had notified her directly and I didn't know about any of them. I've been moaning about waiting so long and she said nothing.

My problems are small compared to others - I'm just home after taking eldest to urgent care. Turns out she has a kidney infection. She's gone to bed without opening presents & understandably doesn't want to eat dinner. Dinner is still 90 mins away and I'm ready to eat the hind leg off a nativity donkey. Tomorrow is another day and hopefully is a better one for everyone.

Had to leave present opening to cry, young adult dcs could feel the tension between me and DH. We agreed a budget, spent that and he then bought dcs a load more, of course they think hes great and can’t/wouldn't understand why I’m upset. Ive been trying to bury it all day but its ruined my day. On top of that DH swings from being grumpy/ignoring me/us to over the top affection, very annoying. I was really looking forward, to christmas, dcs seemed to enjoy it.

I couldn't live like this. Why on earth would someone take out a loan to go on holiday?!

I'm just not feeling it this year. I've had a heavy year at work and I work in a very sexist toxic environment that I'm changing this year.

Christmas is all about women's unpaid work and this year I have refused to cook christmas dinner. Funny looks from everyone. It's stressed me out so much that I'm sick. My kids are also sick. We've bought them brand new iPad's and other lovely presents. In laws came over with tonnes of toys and my ds said that last year was better. 🙈 I can't drink wine as not well.

Really sorry to everyone having a hard time. Ours hasn't been the best, but feels trivial in comparison to many.

DD(2) has a double ear infection. She's been sick all week and none of us have slept. I woke up with a stonking cold, which at 28 weeks pregnant I can't take anything for.

Drove an hour to my parents, with a Dad who was hammered from 2pm and kept offering my toddler beer.

Mum had bought me a men's t shirt and hat - she'd misread my husband's Xmas list as mine, but for some reason didn't question it.

DD accidently smashed her Calpol bottle, the only one we have.

Then our DD fell asleep in the car home at 7pm, and will now be awake until midnight.

I'm so exhausted. I just want to curl up and cry.

So sorry. My son was in hospice this time three years ago and died in January. He was 12. It sucks xxxx sending love to you

So sorry. It’s very scary. Sending love

I have a horrible cough/cold lurgy and feel like shit

Heard last week I may be losing my job

Split up with partner a month ago

Daughter has thrown her presents at me, said they're not good enough, I'm the worst parent ever, I'm a f'ing bitch ... (she does have ASD and life has been hard recently, but still soul destroying)

Watching strike and crocheting which could be worse!

💐 🫂 for those that need it.

That's so kind, thank you. I've been as honest as I can without being accusatory - I said I understood that everyone experiences things differently, but that from my perspective we were very much loved. One of the issues is that we both came out of our "broken home" with some mental health issues which started in early age, but whilst I've managed my own for years, I hadn't realised just how badly they have affected him and followed him into adult life. There were many signs, I try to talk to him but he tends to clam up. Luckily he seems to have an incredibly loving and supportive wife, who sadly doesn't seem to like me much either.

Anyway, he seems to hold our parents responsible for not getting him help when they had the chance. It was 40 years ago, things were very much more stigmatised then, but I get his angst.

I think I represent the life he'd rather forget, but that's so painful to me. I love him, I cherished our childhood with him in it and I thought we might get closer as we got older. He's my only full sibling and I don't have any other family, once DF is gone that's it.

I'm so sad that he doesn't need or want me around him, but as he has been honest I guess I can, as you say, draw a line under it and stop wondering why.

Thank you for your words. And to everyone having a hellish time with loss, bereavement, illness and general shitty cards, I wish you all a peaceful Christmas evening and better times to come.

Not as crappy as a lot on here but in the middle of a horrendous bug. Been to parents for Christmas dinner which was lovely but been home since 5 with a banging head & nausea & retired to bed at 6.
Meant to be going back for boxing day but have pre-warned parents that I might not attend as dsis is on chemo meds & DM has lupus so both have compromised immune systems. Luckily they've said they'll understand if I don't.

@Hazelmaybe I'm so, so sorry for the loss of your boy. Xx

I’m so sorry to hear this. How hurtful of your mother.

huge hug from me.

Yep me. FIL arrived in the middle of a depressed episode . Barely able to speak. Dh then triggered as that was all his child hood christmases.DSS2 stropping as his virtual headset thingy didn't work. Exdh Going mad as he seemed to believe it to be my job to get DD's over to his house this evening, and decided to drink at whatever lunch he was having. They ended up getting a cab and neither wanted to go but I said they must,
Most miserable Christmas for a long while tbh,