Is there a thread for those having a crap Christmas yet? ☹️

[darkmodereactivated]

If not then I’ll start one.

Baby’s first Christmas, DH is an excellent dad and I couldn’t have asked more from him over the last three months. D(?)M has a few drinks and decides to criticise his parenting skills, how he rocks the baby of all things. She refuses to apologise when asked, then doubles down and mocks him verbally and with gestures. It was horrible.

DH hurt, upset and angry. He wants an apology and says she’s not welcome in this house any more. DF disgusted by her behaviour and has been considering an Uber home in the morning. I’m piggy in the middle and have spent £250 on food etc. We have a velcro baby and it has been such a tall order trying to get house ready and was so looking forward to an amazing time.

Tomorrow morning DM definitely won’t apologise, likely she won’t actually remember the half of what happened. Even if we fake having a good day it won’t be true enjoyment, and I am gutted that this is what we are all going to remember of our baby’s first Christmas. What a shit show.

Solidarity to anyone else whose Christmas has been ruined

So sorry, sounds like it's been a very tough year.

But bloody well done for not caving to the hints and having the Christmas you want.

In her first post, the OP does say "D(?)M has a few drinks and decides to criticise his parenting skills, how he rocks the baby of all things. She refuses to apologise when asked, then doubles down and mocks him verbally and with gestures."

So yes, looks like she did say other things, and I get the impression that this hasn't really come out of the blue. Add to that the fact the OP's DF was disgusted by his wife's behaviour I'd say it wasn't just one of those things where everyone was drinking a lot and a mountain was made about a mole hill.

OP, you're not piggy in the middle.

You stand together with your nice husband and lovely baby as a family. And we th your dad, too.

Whenever I see MIL/DM posts I picture my own mum in her 80s. But it can be quite surprising to realise some people's MILs/DMs are young enough to be my daughters!

Speak to your father (if he is well). Is she drinking a lot? Is it getting more? Has she always been like this? Is it getting worse?

Time for the three of you to step aside from embarrassment and hurt and start thinking is there something wrong and what can we do to deal with it.

She should absolutely apologise but without being prompted.
My DM was rude to my DH this time last year. I wasn't as firm with her as I should have been at the time and it hurt my DH. When she was finally pulled up on it a few weeks later, she gave a shitty apology which was more a load of excuses. She didn't really mean it. It was unfortunately the straw that broke the camels back after many instances of shitty behaviour. We have been low contact this year and she is still playing the victim. It's hard and I feel quite low today but I was sick of her rudeness to my DH and general behaviour towards me!

They don't need to go home. Your mother can be dropped off and your father can stay with you and enjoy the day.

It's shit, I know. 💐

As others have said, her not remembering isn't a free pass. She needs to be told and then she needs to apologise.

I hope you can still have a lovely day. 🎄🎄🎄

I'm so sorry so many are having a crap Christmas. I've been to the 8am quiet mass.

We are making the best of it. Our mothers are 88 and frail and failing. DH is in Yorkshire to spend Christmas with his, DD and I are leaving for the South Coast to spend the day with mine and step (who is also not in the best if health). DS and DIL are in South Africa where she has family and I suspect DS is nurturing a potential job offer there.

It's hard to look forward to when we will be together again because that won't happen until one of our mothers dies.

About to paint on the smile and pack the car. DD and I in an hotel tonight, will breakfast with them tomorrow and head home.

For all those with strained relationships and I have huffed through hosting a few Christmases feeling very put upon over the last 35 years, my advice would be to try and make up with good grace and forgive their excesses and misery gifting because in a decade or three they might be failing.

I'm an only child, DH is equivalent to being an only as the SILs both live abroad. It's tough when the load can't be spread out a bit.

So sorry to all who are having a crap Christmas, but know you are not alone. We lost our cat at the end of September and we are really missing her today. Usually she'd be mithering non stop for turkey!

Also, last night my DH had a bit of a fall (he is disabled). He is OK, but I know he was feeling a bit fed up of it all last night.

I agree with others, you’ve got to stick up for him. People tolerate crap behaviour and say ‘that’s just the way they are’. They’re the way they are because nobody challenges them! So well done for challenging her, I woundnt let it go until she’s apologised. If they go home it’s because of HER behaviour, so no need to feel bad. Maybe a big consequence is what she needs to reflect on her behaviour.

My in-laws are challenging and after 15 years DH has finally started sticking up for me, but it’s taken its toll.

Also, it sounds like she’s feeling triggered (guilty? Jealous?) of a man being so attentive with a baby.

DH opened our bottle of Champagne, one of very few treats we budgeted to buy this Christmas, at 1am last night and drank it all (he did offer me some but I have indigestion and can’t eat or drink, particularly alcohol, late at night, which he knows and I reminded him before he opened the Champagne and again when he served me a glass.) The Champagne was for Christmas, my recent birthday and my starting a new job in September all rolled in together as we are very stretched financially at the moment.

I'm on my own right now

I'm nc with my narc family-im the scapegoat and I couldn't take it anymore

I met dp 9 years ago (in oct) and we always go to his mums for Christmas (she lives over 200 miles away)

I see her as my mum-i thought she was amazing-she's a dream mil

I don't get on with my narc adult sd-she did a lot of hurtful things including revenge porn,shit stirring,running back to tell my narc family everything i was doing (which id asked her not to do)almost losing me my job,blocking the toliet daily and walking off (doesnt seem much to moan about but i got sick of dealing with her physical shit) stealing and breaking my stuff-our relationship was death by 1000 cuts-i wrote about it on here once and was pulled apart by some mumsneters

I cannot stress how much trouble she caused for fun-i was almost left homeless and jobless by her

Looking forward to Christmas which is a painful time for lots of reasons,but spending it with dp and his mum made it sightly less so

He dumped it on me that sd was going to be there,for Christmas,at his mums house on monday night(which is her right to have her granddaughter there) as sd has ran out of people to sponge from and she sees granny's house as the very last option for any occasion but needs must (trust me,if she gets a sniff of anyone better,she's gone)

Cue huge row with dp,lots of hurtful things where said (on both sides-im not innocent) and he walked out

He's left me on my own at home to spend it by myself,while he gets to spend time with them and have a lovely Christmas (his mum will spoil him) and I guess my relationships with both of them are over (which will give sd a lot of giggles-its what she's always wanted and set out to do in the first place)

I've had less than 2 hours sleep and somehow I have to find the strength to start again in life-i really cannot see a way back now

Sorry for spelling and grammer-in floods of tears

💐💐💐 to everyone who's having/has had a crap Christmas.

Not having the best one either - myself, DD and DS full of this dreadful cold, with no motivation or energy to do anything this past week and it seems to have peaked last few days. On my own (cancelled plans as didn't want to make others poorly) until 3pm when kids come back from exH.
I'm taking this as a message to end the year on a restful note.
Very jealous of all the lovely days people are having. Xx

I'm so sorry, hugs to you.

So sorry. Try to take some strength from knowing you are doing the right thing and things will get better. Is there anyone you could phone for a bit of a chat? (Lots of people might be grateful for a break from their families.)

@whatwouldyoudoifisangoutofkey Thank you for your kindness ❤

I’m sorry to those who are having really rough days, especially those dealing with loss. I’ve been there and my heart goes out to you.

I’m ill today. Just a common cold, but I feel like death warmed up. I’ve been running on empty all year, sleep-deprived, two kids, demanding FT job — and I was hoping to relax and rest up over the next few days as we’re with family and the little ones will be distracted by their cousins. But thems the breaks — and I’ll just try to enjoy myself as much as possible.

Don't be jealous. Even the outwardly most perfect family Christmas has hidden tensions! Hope you feel better soon.

So sorry to everyone having a crap Christmas so far. H

I'm stood prepping veg in silence.
My Dd came in off a night shift and we got up at 7am to do presents and breakfast. I have a 21dd and an 18ds, and a partner of 5 yrs. Finished breakfast and I said to my DD to go to bed as she had had a horrific shift. So she got up and went upstairs. My ds went to get ready to go round to see his dad, dd is going later after a sleep. Dp got up and has gone back to bed. I can hear him snoring. Literally left all the breakfast stuff on the table and has left me to it. Not a single offer of help. What a joke.
I'm sick of doing everything. I feel like I could snap.

I wish I had someone to ring
I keep my circle small and to people I can trust but they've all got families of their own
I know I'll get a bollocking from them in the new year for not getting in touch and spending it with them,but I can't face seeing or speaking to anyone
I didn't want this-i just wanted to spend it with my 'family' but to be told sd and his mum 'must come first-they are MY family after all' stings like fuck
9 years of my life went down the toliet last night

Sorry,I didn't mean to drag the thread down

Merry Christmas to everyone

Drink brings out the worst in people. Your mother should be ashamed but all is not lostm it's still quite early in the day. Families often have rows at Christmas.

All these Xmas ruined threads make me glad I pretty much ignore Xmas.

I’m sorry @darkmodereactivated, I have some difficult relatives too and know how hard it can be. I wish people could be self aware about how mean they can be when they’ve had a few too many drinks.

just wanted to say Merry Christmas to you @Vinvertebrate DD is autistic and if I used FB or Insta as a reference to a 'perfect christmas' I'd have punched so many faces!

Throw her the fuck out and have a nice day with your husband and baby. I don't care who you are I won't tolerate someone speaking to my husband like this.

It's also my baby's first Christmas, the lead up has been filled with family drama from relatives complaining they have never met my baby when they've never messaged let alone visited and also PIL issues that are unresolvable but the drama continues. Oh and now GILs are taking their side all of a sudden and they've cancelled coming here today. I don't even care anymore, they've treated my husband like crap his whole life I'm done with them. It's just sad it has come to ahead now when it's baby's first Christmas but I won't let them ruin it.

Not this Christmas, but one year I hosted everyone, both sets of parents, siblings and a few kids, about 15 in total. I had visions of a lovely family Christmas, music playing and games after lunch.

in reality my mum and FIL were at each others throats the entire time, according to FIL the breakfast I prepared was Jewish and not Christmasy enough (bagels and smoked salmon), the coffee had to be remade because he didn’t like that either, MIL pointed out I didn’t do a starter and was very put out and was also annoyed I put my trifle at the same time as the Christmas pudding she brought and tried to make me only serve Christmas pudding first. She was super offended when I said the kids wouldn’t want Christmas pudding.

Not one single person helped with the food and then I threw a tantrum because MIL spent a good hour waxing on about all the wonderful holidays DH took his ex girlfriend on.

Never again.