Why would people not believe me?

[sarahlayton06]

I want to ask something and I’m being completely honest.

So, I am academically gifted in that I have always been in the top set for all of my subjects and perform really well in class, always getting really high marks in homework assignments etc.

Based off of this, I was predicted really high GCSE grades and A-level grades as well. But, I also have an issue with procrastination and leaving work to the last minute. It’s not pure laziness but it’s related to the fact that I have ADHD and anxiety and that plays a role in causing me to procrastinate and leave everything to the last minute.

So, with my GCSEs I literally left revision to the last minute and with my exams in Year 12, I did so as well. I then got lower grades than I was capable of.

However, why does it seem as though nobody truly believes me when I explain this to them? For example, I was explaining to my teachers/classmates that I am truly capable of getting A*s in my exams and was capable of getting 9s at GCSE as shown by my performance in mock tests and homework and classwork but that I only got lesser grades because I left it to the last minute. They didn’t say anything to contradict me but I just got the impression that they thought I was lying and wasn’t as clever as I thought I was.

Im not even complaining about my results and am getting help for my anxiety/ADHD issues for - but maybe if my teachers/classmates were to say that I need to do better and stop procrastinating that would be one thing. But I feel like they don’t even think I procrastinate and that I’m not that clever.

Fundamentally, why would they think that seemingly think I’m lying?

You're really giving it away with the COVID chat.

You may be capable, but you didn’t get the gcse results. You need to let it go. I don’t think they thought you were necessarily lying, but your results didn’t match what you were saying.

Having any child get into any Oxbridge uni is a big thing for a school.

You say you’re at Cambridge now. I hope you’re having a great time and doing well. The past is the past - leave it there, and live your life for now and going forward.

Maybe the teachers knew the boy would have knuckled down and revised had he had real exams. Whereas they knew the OP wouldn't.

Seriously, forget about him. It doesn't sound very intelligent to fixate on him and this situation. Work on your self-awareness and move on from these hang-ups, comparisons and what ifs. Find ways to manage your ADHD and play to your strengths then people can judge you by what you're actually doing in life.

I think many of us are similar op, especially if we're neurodivergent. I daydreamed my way through school but somehow managed to stay in the top sets (except for maths). I got very average grades and it did annoy me that I was seen as average when I knew I was well above average. I'm certainly not a genius - my IQ (if you believe this is any measure of intelligence) is around 128 but that's in the top 10 percent and this wasn't reflected in my grades.

However, you'll probably find that once you get older and no-one asks about your grades, people will know how intelligent by the way you speak and the things you say. And ultimately, the problem with our society is that our value seems to be based on our intelligence and only a certain type of intelligence. I suppose it's based on how we use our intelligence in order to contribute to society. Which is a load of crap.

I’m able but a total procrastination queen. This meant I didn’t get AAA for alevels and go to Oxford as planned. I got BBB and still went to a good uni, however I was raped and ended up dropping out despite good grades. I’ve always felt like a failure and irritated I left. I’ve managed to work my way up the hard way and just completed my masters level chartered accreditation and post grad diploma. I finally have a piece of paper saying distinction and proving I’m able. Until you have proof, you just sound like an arrogant knob full of excuses.

Very true.
Maths is probably the one subject that some people have an innate understanding of.
Our tutors had a lad who went to Cambridge to read maths- a naturally mathematically gifted individual, they ran out of problems to give him. ( In A level lessons) .

My teaching friend always said there are those that are clever and those that work hard. It is the ones that work hard that usually come out on top.

It takes hard work to study for whole course exams. They have probably seen it so many times every year, students with the brains to do it who procrastinate and/or are lazy and/or immature when it came to studying.

All of them could have done better if they had put the work in, you are not unique in that.

Sounds like you have an overestimated view of your own abilities. Your average scores speak for themselves. The skill in exams is the prep, not just turning up on the day and winging it.

Why would you go around telling people how clever you are. Work hard and get what your capable of.

Well done 👏
This is what employers value.
Dogged determination and application in the face of adverse situations.

It doesn't sound very intelligent to fixate on him and this situation.

Your post reminds me of my cousin. He is intelligent and obsessed with appearing intelligent and being thought of as intelligent, and as a result he does unintelligent things. Stuff like this!

It’s easy to claim you could have done anything but the actual results show you what you were capable of on the day, so that’s what peoples response is based on.

The fact you find this baffling is a case in point for academic intelligence not being indicative of general intelligence.
I don’t say this to be rude but because I also thought that being book clever was the only way of being intelligent. It really isn’t.

Common sense, social skills and emotional intelligence are as important to intelligence as academic intelligence. If you spend the rest of your life bearing a grudge against people who don’t see you as brilliant as you think you are and resenting people who have had the praise you seek, you’ll never develop the fully rounded intelligence needed to live a happier life.

Edited to add - I also have adhd so understand how procrastination can derail the best laid plans but still think you need to get over this.

It may not be that they think your lying, in the nicest way possible - they probably don't care how clever you think you are.

Why would anyone else care how clever you are? (potential employers excluded i suppose but either way they look for results, not how intelligent you think you are) - this is a very weird post.

I've never seen anyone get annoyed that other people don't think they are as intelligent as you think you are.

Fixation is very common in ND

The way to prove you're capable of getting certain grades is by actually getting said grades.

I suspect your friends don't particularly care what you got or didn't get.

Self sabotage. Come one revise and resist those exams and show what you are capable of . If you can't then do your best in the next crop of exams . Being clever is nothing to be ashamed of .

Several threads by the same poster and the details aren't consistent.

The thing with procrastination (and I am a procrastinator, not one Xmas present has been wrapped) is that you need to learn how to lean into it and weaponise it.

So GCSEs, I crammed the night before. But actually I'd spent weeks creating lovely technicolour cram sheets, which didn't feel like revision, but actually was in hindsight.

University essays. Started writing 3 hours before the deadline. But I'd spent time in the library getting my notes.

Work, the end of year finance return never goes in before the last day. But I've collated spreadsheets, checked in with everyone and it's just a question of inputting on D day. And I know how long that takes, sometimes its literally half an hour before.

Make it work for you. I need the pressure to function.

Some of my teachers thought I would fail. They even told me that to my face. They also thought I was stupid.

The look on my x language teacher's face when I got a 10 in the national oral exam was priceless. She told me so many times in front of the whole class that I wouldn't even pass, much less get a decent grade.

My good results were part brightness (wasted on me really), part efficient last minute cramming and part luck. It could've gone very differently, though definitely not fail. Meh.

Focusing on this doesn't help anyone, least of all you. Put this effort into who you will be, rather than what could've been.

I know, as my DS has ADHD and OCD so can fixate, but has therapy and tools to manage it which help a lot. Hence suggesting the OP gets that kind of help. Simply accepting and indeed feeding the tendency to fixate isn't going to help and will probably make the people OP wants to impress even more inclined to disengage.

Lots of people overestimate their own abilities so they have probably heard from lots of people who are deluded about their abilities before and think it is more likely that than ADHD (which statistically it probably is).

If you were academically gifted you wouldn't need to revise.

You may have been capable of it, but so are loads of people, but they didn't put the work in (neither did you; the reason is irrelevant). Part of doing well is putting the work in, it's not all about innate ability. This is especially the case as you progress beyond A-levels.

Why does it matter right now? Move on.