Why would people not believe me?

[sarahlayton06]

I want to ask something and I’m being completely honest.

So, I am academically gifted in that I have always been in the top set for all of my subjects and perform really well in class, always getting really high marks in homework assignments etc.

Based off of this, I was predicted really high GCSE grades and A-level grades as well. But, I also have an issue with procrastination and leaving work to the last minute. It’s not pure laziness but it’s related to the fact that I have ADHD and anxiety and that plays a role in causing me to procrastinate and leave everything to the last minute.

So, with my GCSEs I literally left revision to the last minute and with my exams in Year 12, I did so as well. I then got lower grades than I was capable of.

However, why does it seem as though nobody truly believes me when I explain this to them? For example, I was explaining to my teachers/classmates that I am truly capable of getting A*s in my exams and was capable of getting 9s at GCSE as shown by my performance in mock tests and homework and classwork but that I only got lesser grades because I left it to the last minute. They didn’t say anything to contradict me but I just got the impression that they thought I was lying and wasn’t as clever as I thought I was.

Im not even complaining about my results and am getting help for my anxiety/ADHD issues for - but maybe if my teachers/classmates were to say that I need to do better and stop procrastinating that would be one thing. But I feel like they don’t even think I procrastinate and that I’m not that clever.

Fundamentally, why would they think that seemingly think I’m lying?

@sarahlayton06 I mean this nicely but you seem very obsessed with this (having read your other threads) and it doesn't sound healthy.
You are done with school. That's over. What your teachers/classmates thought doesn't matter anymore.
On your other threads you are obsessed with going to Cambridge. Why is that so important to you? What is your goal that you are aiming for (job/career)?
Focus on the future not your past. If you can't go to Cambridge find another path.
Stop winding yourself up about this. It cannot be good for you in any way.
🙂

You weren’t capable of it at the time though, were you? I was similar. My mum died during my GCSE’s and I went off the rails. If the subject of GCSE’s ever come up, I just say circumstances got in the way at the time and i had to redo Maths in my 20s. I did my A-levels in my 20s too and my degree in my 30s. Sometimes, it’s just not the right time. I also suffer with severe procrastination and definitely get lower grades than I am capable of, but they are still high enough so it’s okay.

As they used to say at school, success at exams is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration.

Absolutely spot on. You may be academically talented, but you weren't capable of getting the top grades because you didn't have the other half of the equation...... actually putting the work in.

Saying "I could have got the grades if I'd tried more" is meaningless because anyone can say that. People don't get top grades for all sorts of reasons, they struggle academically, they can't retain or recall information, they had personal matters distracting them. In your case it was procrastination. Plus it will annoy people that did work their arse off to get the grades.

Saying you're capable doesn't mean anything, you have to be able to prove it by actually doing it.

This has the same vibe of middle aged men going on about how they could have gone pro at their sport if it hadn't been for some random injury which was severe enough to stop them playing the sport, but minor enough that it doesn't affect their day to day life 🙄 like maybe it's true but they're probably talking out of their arse and it doesn't actually matter.

What you'll find in life is that you're judged by your actions and outputs, not your potential.

You are focusing on the wrong issue here; you should be trying to find strategies to revise and do better, not on whether someone believes in your excuses and potential. If you haven't been to your GP for medication I would suggest that you give it a go ASAP too help you with this.

You weren't capable though, its like me saying I am capable of something that I physically can't do.

Because anyone can get 9s if they put the work in, it’s not really a flex. You didn’t put the work in so you couldn’t get the grades. Presumably you did the best you could, but with ADHD that meant you procrastinated and were unable to put in sufficient work so you couldn’t get the grades.

I could’ve been an astronaut if I’d made different life choices - but that’s just not an impressive statement unless you actually made those life choices and became an astronaut.

Yep, they are assuming you are a Billy Bullshitter and honestly it comes across really badly when people do the whole “I was on course for a First but I was too busy having fun/ rowing/ playing sport. There’s no need ever to discuss exam results once you’ve got them except if raised at interview.

Why on earth do you do this? No one is impressed and you sound like a bragger, I mean even if you had got those grades it wouldn’t be the thing to go on about them.

If you were really academically gifted, I'd have expected you to get excellent grades in GCSEs regardless of ADHD/procrastination. GCSEs require very little effort for gifted kids. More advanced exams, i agree, you'd have had to put in some work.

But it's irrelevant anyway, because you didn't get the grades, did you? So why do you need to persuade anyone about what you could have got if you hadn't been you?

I mean, I have adhd, I get it, it can be debilitating. But it's part of who I am, and it is a factor in determining my abilities. There is no point in me talking about what I could do if I didn't have adhd because I do have it and it isn't going to go away. That would be no different to someone saying, well, I could have got an Olympic gold medal if only I had been more athletic. Or I could have got straight As if only I had had a higher IQ.

The ability to work hard and apply yourself is an intrinsic part of academic success at the higher levels of education. Raw intelligence is meaningless if you don't have the ability to apply it.

Are you getting help with your adhd? Learning how to manage yourself effectively will serve you far better than trying to convince others that you're cleverer than you seem.

I agree that you are focusing on something that doesn't matter. If people believe you or don't, it doesn't matter.

I didn't realise you were the poster who is really interested in Cambridge but missed the deadline.

I have struggled with people being disappointed with my levels of achievement because of my ‘potential’ all my life. Even into my forties people have told me I should have more confidence because I have such ‘potential’.

’Potential’ is bullshit, you can either do it or you can’t. There are many different qualities that go into being successful. I happen to have a couple of them in abundance, but am totally lacking in some other, very crucial, factors. I have achieved what I am able to achieve, that is the plain truth of it. I have been happier since I have accepted that fact.

Being organised, revision and working hard at things which don't come easily is probably more important than natural cleverness when it comes to success.

My son is much younger but sounds similar to you. He knows he's clever so doesn't bother to read questions properly, put in extra time and effort. Therefore he does worse than others who are less clever. He probably has ADHD too but life doesn't give you a pass for that.

I’m guessing they’re bored of you constantly bringing up stories of your missed academic opportunities, and so don’t engage with you on the topic.

You haven't proved that you can get the highest grades in external examinations, though. You've proved that you can get a high grade in a low stakes, comfortable and familiar situation where it doesn't really matter (as you can't legally be kicked out at the end of year 12 for doing badly) and you're being tested on one year's worth of course material.

The only way anybody will be able to see that you are capable of getting the highest grades is for you to work consistently in class, at home, in any more PPEs and then in the final examinations.

Otherwise it's like me telling you that I could have been an Olympic champion in Kickboxing if only I had bothered to eat right, train every day, take lessons and actually turn up to competitions and that it's not fair nobody believes me because I once put a Y9 boy that was pestering me on the floor.

It doesn’t matter whether you thought you could get the grades op - fact is you didn’t. That’s the concrete ongoing facts that will count in your life going forward, the actual results you got - we could all say we could have, we would have blah, blah. Get over it and move on, no one cares but you.

As my mother would say..."and if you had wheels, you'd be a bicycle". In others, easy to "if only X had been different, I'd have done Y". It wasn't different and you didn't do it.

Well capability to get those grades also includes putting in the effort to study and actually get the grades. Which you werent able to do. My brother is no more intelligent than me. He did however study alot more and therefore got better grades as a justified result.

You're not capable of achieving the grades if you're not capable of putting in the work you need to achieve them.

'I would have got better grades if I'd done the work' is worthless. The fact is that you didn't do the work and therefore you didn't get the best grades. You might as well say 'I could easily win a marathon if I bothered to train for it' and expect people to believe that too.

Well , I could run a marathon, if I put the work in and trained, but as it is, I can only run to the top of my road.

It's the same thing.

And also, being predicted top grades doesn't actually mean anything. It's the work you put in and how you perform on the day that really matters in terms of achievement.

Otherwise it would be like saying "Usain Bolt is predicted to win the race because he can run the fastest so let's just not bother running the race and give him the gold medal." You have to earn it.

The impact of COVID during GCSEs so no in-person teaching/procrastinating with catching up with lessons recorded virtually?

But you aren't capable of it. And you've proven that. You have the intelligence to remember facts and write a good answer but you don't have the exam preparation or exam technique to do well.

GCSEs are to show future employers and HE institutes what you are capable of and if your ADHD causes you to procrastinate then they need to know they are getting a 'lower output' employee to someone who consistently performs well.

I was the same though I was predicted all A* and ended up with B and C's, I am a massive procrastinator. Wrote every single one of my Uni assignments the night they had to be in and my end of degree project I should have written over 6 months in 3 days instead and therefore like GCSEs and A Levels I did not perform to my intellectual ability and got a 2:2.

And the same is true at work, I work best in a high stress practical role like TAing, teaching, first aid, emergency response. I'm currently in an admin role and I leave everything to the last possible minute because I can't get my head in gear until there's a rush. I don't have a diagnosis for ADD though although DD is autistic so it's fair to assume I have something else going on.

I'm really hoping that the '06' in your username is a reference to your birth year and that you are only 18 years old. It's the only thing that would make your insufferable attitude even remotely understandable.

This.
Seriously, op! Like anyone’s going to believe the old “I could have done it, I just chose not to” routine 🤣

This! Stop self-sabotaging!
If you are capable, find a way to do it.
If you want a career, you'll need to finf a way to do it, just being smart (or even "the smartest") is not enough!