Why would people not believe me?

[sarahlayton06]

I want to ask something and I’m being completely honest.

So, I am academically gifted in that I have always been in the top set for all of my subjects and perform really well in class, always getting really high marks in homework assignments etc.

Based off of this, I was predicted really high GCSE grades and A-level grades as well. But, I also have an issue with procrastination and leaving work to the last minute. It’s not pure laziness but it’s related to the fact that I have ADHD and anxiety and that plays a role in causing me to procrastinate and leave everything to the last minute.

So, with my GCSEs I literally left revision to the last minute and with my exams in Year 12, I did so as well. I then got lower grades than I was capable of.

However, why does it seem as though nobody truly believes me when I explain this to them? For example, I was explaining to my teachers/classmates that I am truly capable of getting A*s in my exams and was capable of getting 9s at GCSE as shown by my performance in mock tests and homework and classwork but that I only got lesser grades because I left it to the last minute. They didn’t say anything to contradict me but I just got the impression that they thought I was lying and wasn’t as clever as I thought I was.

Im not even complaining about my results and am getting help for my anxiety/ADHD issues for - but maybe if my teachers/classmates were to say that I need to do better and stop procrastinating that would be one thing. But I feel like they don’t even think I procrastinate and that I’m not that clever.

Fundamentally, why would they think that seemingly think I’m lying?

In the politely way you have been a "coaster" for your school studies. It doesn't make you academically gifted it just means you find certain understandings easier at certain levels then other people.

You can only coast for so long OP though so don't rest on the but I simply get it approach.

Frankly it doesn't matter in the long run about your GCSEs or your ability to pass an exam. In life you have to work at some point and if you don't put effort in that realisation will hit you like a brick wall!

My DH was a coaster through academia....til his masters which I helped him to understand some of the concepts.

I'm not a coaster but have consistently improved not great GCSE results though to distinction at masters level. 15 years after I finished academic studies I'm respected for being a hard worker and my career took off.

They don’t believe you because you didn’t achieve those grades. To be capable of something you have to have put the effort into achieving it, planning, revision etc. Unfortunately you didn’t do this so haven’t achieved the grades. We’ve all come across people who say they could have had this job or got those grades but unless you do it then it’s all just talk.

@sarahlayton06 If you were truly academically gifted, you’d be getting top grades .

That’s what being “Academic “ means.

Perhaps I was a little bit like this when I was young. I didn't say I was an A student but said I didn't really work hard or revise much. When I went to university however I decided that I was going to work hard in the final year and stop making excuses. Then I proved what I could achieve.

Only your results show when you go out into the big wide world. Not what I might have done if I'd made the effort. And there will be always people who achieve more than you if you don't prove your capability.

I am not sure it's that clever to wing it in your GCSEs and get lower marks then repeat for your A levels. Makes you sound like a knob to bang on about how clever you could have been..

The question I have is ‘so what?’. Many of us are predicted higher grades than we get… you don’t get into university on that basis nor a job.

if you are known to procrastinate (many of us are) find the tools to help you focus. The only person that will suffer is you… I say this kindly, no one else cares. Additionally being somewhat self aware and not going ‘but I could have got A*s’ actually would make most people think otherwise, especially when your results show that.

might I gently suggest that you have learnt a lesson and now know that revision is actually quite important - start now to create good habits and I guess you may get the grades you think you deserve.

She didn't apply this time round because she was too late.

She got an offer last year but her A levels were below the grades she needed for Cambridge. So she's resitting privately but hasn't applied for Cambridge and the Oxbridge deadline has passed.

"i want to be treated as being incredibly capable, yet have never proven that I am, but don't tell me I'm not because here's a laundry list of things you can't argue with"

Gen Z bingo, anyone?

OP, you are in for a short sharp shock when you get into the world of work if you keep this up, because knowing universities the way I do, they'll just continue to indulge you.

They simply look at the result. Your exam papers have shown someone who does not do their study and homework properly. This is not IQ test, just a proof of actual knowledge which is what is needed in a job.

Change how you view this, help your mental health issues and ND issues by all means, but as you character flaws also, be more wise into accepting the reality and do something about it, not later when you would need money for bills, mortgage and etc

I went to uni with an academically gifted lad who was reading Maths. He attended lectures but skipped the tutorials and did little study or revision outside of that.
He played sports while the rest of us were studying and still received a first.

If you have to revise in order to get A* grades at GCSE and A Level grades, I'd hazard that you're bright but not gifted.

I don't think the label "academically gifted" is actually all that relevant in real life.

Being brutally honest, employers won't care if you're gifted. They care if you can produce the required work, to the necessary standard, by a given deadline. And someone telling them they would be capable of delivering if only they hadn't spent weeks procrastinating is unlikely to play well.

But he didn’t even sit exams due to COVID

You got the grades in the end and proved them all wrong. So let it go.
My DD's History teacher had little faith in her. Predicted B despite doing well in mocks. Not only did she get A star, but 196/200, with only one mark off in her exams (3 in coursework). Does she dwell on it? Does she want to go back to her teacher and wave her results under her nose? No. She's too busy leading her life at uni (which she actually may not have gotten into with her PGs, but applied with grades in hand so did).

She didn't get the grades, she's resitting this year. And unless she pulls her finger out, it will be more Bs.

If you are talking GCSEs surely you must have moved on from this now? Are you still 17/18?
Why not take another qualification now?

Also, heads up for the post. Do not feel judged in any way when I use the word character flaw on here. We all battle those. Too many parents come here and use the ND as excuse for their ND kid's extreme behaviour, but never addressing the character flaw itself, lack of discipline, lack of routine and lack of boundaries. Ask just for help, but when you mention the moral responsibility has they are gone out of the thread in a flash.

I hope you won't do this too but take all the advice and wise up now, while you got the chance.

but when you mention the moral responsibility a parent has ....

Honestly I was like you many moons ago. The fact is I didn't get the grades because I didn't prioritise working hard enough.

You can't claim to be A* worthy because it's never just about natural intelligence it's also about effort.

Failing to put in adequate effort isn't impressive.

I do note that you have ADHD but there can be adjustments/ strategies around that.

There was a lad in my “A “ level class who bombed his GCSE’s . Failed the lot.( all under C) as it was then.
However , after a couple of years in menial jobs he got 4 Top grade A Grade A levels and got into a good university.
This was non modular when A was the top grade available.
A lovely, modest lad.

No boastful nonsense about him being “ Gifted “ either.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Are you real? Are you 12? You sound like a right pita tbh.

Gave me a laugh though.

However intelligent you are, OP, you are not going to do yourself any good by obsessing over what your teachers think would have happened with someone else three years ago.

What you are saying is if you had done things that you didn't do, you could have got grades that you didn't get.

Well yes. You and everyone else.

Doing well in exams is a skill in itself, which it seems the teachers knew you hadn’t learned. Not necessarily linked to knowledge of a subject, just a more practical skill of analysing what a question is asking for, planning your answer to show your learning, and actually organising yourself to get it all down on paper in a coherent way.

I’m guessing they (rightly or wrongly) saw evidence of your procrastination, or disorganisation, or missed focus, or something else during classes and in assignments, quite apart from your intelligence or knowledge, and assumed (with their experience of many students) that it would follow through to the written papers, which are highly stressful, and unlikely to make someone with ADHD ever perform well. Unfortunately you didn’t prove them wrong.

They don’t get to define you, or how well you do in your life though, thankfully. There will always be people ready to judge you harshly and be unfair - they are only right if you let them be though.

It doesn't matter what you get in homework assignments as they are not time monitored and you can get help. It doesn't matter what you get in mocks because they are teacher marked. It only matters what you get in the real exam and anyone truly academically gifted would get top marks with or without revision.
Your teachers are not as dumb as you think, they know what your ability is.

It's in the past now. You might find your peers are cleverer than you at uni and you will need to work.
Once you leave and start looking for work employers will want to see what you can actually do, rather than what you tell them you can do.

Because having the "potential" to be successful is completely meaningless in the real world. People genuinely don't care if someone is smart but didn't live up to their potential because of MH issues, illness, life circumstances etc. It makes things much more awkward if you keep trying to prove a point. It's the same as people who were artistically or athletically gifted as children. They may have been very talented at one point in their life but for whatever reason decided not to pursue it further. Then as adults they constantly talk about how they could have been a amazing artist, musician or sports star and it's honestly super cringy for everyone who has to listen to it.

One of the factors of true success or intelligence is the ability to execute. This applies to those with ADHD/ASD as well. There are hugely successful people who pushed through their neurodivergence and still managed to excel in their field. If you watch any formal interview of Elon Musk, you can seen how socially awkward he is and how much he clearly hates being put on the spot and made to speak with cameras pointing at him. However his achievements are insane and it's obvious there were many points of his life where he had to force himself through situations that were at direct odds to his ASD.

The educational system is designed to go up in tiers of difficulty. It's very easy to do well or at least "coast along" in primary school. It then becomes increasingly more difficult and of course some students inevitably start to slip on performance. It doesn't necessarily mean they were smart but lazy, but a literal reflection of how the academic system is designed to filter out those with skills that are not up to the standards expected of a certain grade. If someone is smart but still got low grades, it doesn't change the fact they can't perform with the same level of discipline and executive function as an A+ student for a high powered job. So the fact they have "intelligence" is meaningless.

I know! It's really shitty. And he'll wander through life having things easy. But that is because the world is set up for men like him.

Dwelling on it won't make it any easier. But I know it's really horrible and unfair.

You can choose to be right about it and be upset and stamp your feet and that can feel good, but it's not going to change anything.

Or you can choose to be effective, and do something that works for you. I don't know what that looks like for you, but it's absolutely worth finding out.

In an ideal world we would be both right and effective, but in the world as it is, you have a choice.

Do you want to be right or effective?