Why would people not believe me?

[sarahlayton06]

I want to ask something and I’m being completely honest.

So, I am academically gifted in that I have always been in the top set for all of my subjects and perform really well in class, always getting really high marks in homework assignments etc.

Based off of this, I was predicted really high GCSE grades and A-level grades as well. But, I also have an issue with procrastination and leaving work to the last minute. It’s not pure laziness but it’s related to the fact that I have ADHD and anxiety and that plays a role in causing me to procrastinate and leave everything to the last minute.

So, with my GCSEs I literally left revision to the last minute and with my exams in Year 12, I did so as well. I then got lower grades than I was capable of.

However, why does it seem as though nobody truly believes me when I explain this to them? For example, I was explaining to my teachers/classmates that I am truly capable of getting A*s in my exams and was capable of getting 9s at GCSE as shown by my performance in mock tests and homework and classwork but that I only got lesser grades because I left it to the last minute. They didn’t say anything to contradict me but I just got the impression that they thought I was lying and wasn’t as clever as I thought I was.

Im not even complaining about my results and am getting help for my anxiety/ADHD issues for - but maybe if my teachers/classmates were to say that I need to do better and stop procrastinating that would be one thing. But I feel like they don’t even think I procrastinate and that I’m not that clever.

Fundamentally, why would they think that seemingly think I’m lying?

Those grades show how you actually perform, not how you could have performed in an ideal world, so they are more realistic than the grades you seem to think you should be treated as having achieved.

It doesn't matter what you could have/should have done, it matters what you did.

If you think about it OP, you'll realise that what you're saying is kind of insulting to someone who did get good grades. "Oh it's easy to do well, I could have done too but I couldn't be arsed." It's diminishing their achievement. That's why you get a lukewarm response.

I get you and get how frustrating it is when you're bright and underachieve for this reason, but at the end of the day, you're going to have to find ways of managing the ADHD realistically and practically in ways that give you the results you want in life, for example, putting systems in place that work for you to manage your procrastination. It'll serve you far better in life than using the diagnosis in ways that people will treat as an excuse.

It's also probably better generally to focus more on the efforts you'll need to make to achieve what you believe you deserve than to focus on "but I'm gifted, so I deserve it!" No, you're bright, you know you could be capable of achieving a lot more and you have something specific that you know is stopping you doing that. It's lucky to know that when you're young. And because you're young, you've got time to develop and build strategies (because there are strategies) to address that for yourself in the years ahead to achieve what you want to. Treat this as a useful learning experience and work accordingly.

Nobody who uses meaningless phrases like "off of" deserves an A or an A* in any subject...

@sarahlayton06 - as you grow up you will realise that in life what you actually achieve says more about you than what you - or others - think you could or might* *have achieved.

Might have and could have count for nothing.

You didn't organise your revision and exam prepartion properly, therefore you weren't actually capable of achieving the predicted grades at all

Part of being clever, is putting the work in. You didn't put the work in, so it's that you need to focus on . Building techniques and strategies , and pulling in support if you need it, will get you better results in the future.

Same here. Nobody believes that I could be a size zero if I avoided cake and mince pies.

Applying yourself and proving your worth is part of the process. So you might have the capability but if you don't do the work then it doesn't matter. You're not worth A+s and continually making the point that you are comes across as cocky.
I empathise as I'm exactly the same. A lot older than you but I didn't work particularly hard in my exams, left it all to the last minute, and got Bs rather than As. Enough to get to uni though. I somehow got through uni doing bugger all but then I applied myself during my postgrad year as I started to realise I really needed a decent career. So I got a distinction grade then and on to a grad programme. Even now at work I do less than I'lm capable of. But I can apply myself and 'hyperfocus' when it's necessary.

Planning your work and sticking to the plan are skills necessary before you can claim that you are capable of high grades. You think being capable of understanding the academic concepts is enough to qualify you as overall capable - it's not. You are making excuses for yourself, or possibly haven't learned yet that a complete skills set is required. That's why they look sceptical.

It's likely because saying you could have got good grades if you had worked hard makes you seem both self absorbed and devaluing of other people's achievements. Not a nice combination. You may find that when you have worked hard to achieve something meaningful not only will you get a sense of self esteem but you will find others are more appreciative and supportive about it. Btw there's a character in Pride and Prejudice called Lady Catherine de Bourgh who comments that she would have been a very good piano player if she had ever learnt to play the piano. If you know the book it should give you an idea of how you are possibly coming across to others.

It’s because when I got my Cambridge offer at first, all of my teachers were so happy for me and the fact that they congratulated me personally but didn’t for other students who got into less prestigious universities shows that it was a big deal.

Also, in A-level History in particular, there was one boy who three years ago got into Oxford and my history teachers kept talking about how clever he was. He got an A-star in 2021 during COVID. Someone suggested that maybe if he actually sat the exam in 2021 rather than getting predicted grades he wouldn’t have achieved an A-star but then my teacher said “No it’s likely he would have”. So, it’s the fact that they had such confidence in him years after and remembered him but didn’t have the same for me.

What exactly did they see in him that they didn’t seem in me to give them such confidence when I was getting full marks in homework assignments and as mentioned got the A* grade in Year 12 when I revised on time?

Do you believe I look like a prettier Kate Moss? Why not? No proof perhaps.

Have look at this see what you think?

Is demand avoidance ADHD or autism?

Neurodivergent demand avoidance refers to the fact that demand avoidance occurs more frequently in people with autism and ADHD. A person may experience demand avoidance for many reasons, including sensory issues, executive functioning challenges, task initiation struggles, and more.30 Aug 2023

PDA vs Demand Avoidance

Insights of a Neurodivergent Clinician
https://neurodivergentinsights.com › blo

Me too @Mansionscoldandgrey, I just don't understand it!

No one cares about your potential, it’s what you do with that.

Honestly op I think you need to take a step back from mumsnet, from reading your other posts today and lately this is something you might need further help with. Have you go anyone in real life you can go out with today, maybe help with the Christmas shopping instead of worrying about your grades and Cambridge, any why people look German.

As others have mentioned your other posts I had a gander, from there you are 18 and are taking a year out to resit your Alevels. You also mention that your exams were affected by medical issues (is that the late ASD ADHD diagnosis or something else?). Plus you mention that you have had care experience so your childhood has been disrupted.

All of this could have had an impact on your self esteem and see judgement when none is intended. No-one has said they don’t believe you, they probably haven’t thought about it very much to be honest. This matters much more to you than to anyone else.

Looking at the broader picture, accept that you got the results you got, given everything that was happening at the time and now more forward.

Put your UCAS application in, don’t worry about Oxbridge, look to the future. If Oxbridge means a lot to you then you can always apply to do a masters.

why do you even care?

In the real world nobody cares what you are capable of achieving, they want to know what you can actually achieve. Goodwill and pats on the back are pretty few and far between in the adult world. Any one of us could probably sit here and say if we really put our mind to it then we could have achieved more in any number of things but the end result speaks for itself. I’d advise not dwelling on this as it could come across as quite an irritating trait.

Lots of people are the same.

Why are you bothered that no one believes you. ?

Respectfully, focus on yourself and what you have achieved and your own potential, and not on what others think or get.

Quite frankly nobody cares about your predicted grades now you’ve sat the exams and got actual grades. And once you’ve got your degree your A Levels will become pretty irrelevant.

As someone that’s hired a lot of grads over the years, focus on getting a great score at Uni. And focus on doing something in your spare time such as volunteering or get a job so that employers can see you’re motivated and have some life skills.

It you show up at interview with a 2:1 telling the interviewer you were capable of and predicted a first, they will not give a flying rats tail.

Then there are those people (looks hard at DH) who get superb O Level and A Level grades whilst doing virtually zero revision. He also passed the Oxford open exam (the maths one) with no preparation.

OP it's those people who are truly gifted and exceptionally clever. Not people like you.

Most people I know (me included) got decent exam grades whilst making little effort. I'm pretty confident that we all could have got excellent grades with more application. By no means does that make us special or gifted.

My experience was the people who were academically gifted didn't need to revise much to get top grades. That's probably why they doubted you. You are more likely above average clever but didn't put the effort in.

You are ND. You have adhd. This absolutely can attribute to your lack of achieving the grades you are capable of.
So you are bright. You have the intellectual capacity to achieve but you have issues that cause you to struggle to achieve those grades.

You still are intelligent it's just that your cocktail of characteristics mean that your intelligence may not be measured in a typical educational setting.

Schools are typical educational settings. Sadly until they evolve to suit all people rather than a specific type, we will always have a situation where it isn't ye brightest who succeed but those who are bright and function in the way schools function.

You will have abilities that a hero typical person probably doesn't excel in. Hyper focusing. Working under pressure. Creative problem solving. Lateral thinking. Sadly these are not valued or measured in our current system. It's a problem as these are the skills we need in the new age.

I beleive most of what you say, because I'm a bit like that. I dont believe you're capable of a* though because you don't put the work in. Until you do and acheive what you think you can, it doesn't really matter what you or anyone else thinks.

They saw you procrastinate and not get the grades you were capable off so they didn’t expect you to get more.
Anyone that puts the effort in is more than likely to get better than if they didn’t.