Why would people not believe me?

[sarahlayton06]

I want to ask something and I’m being completely honest.

So, I am academically gifted in that I have always been in the top set for all of my subjects and perform really well in class, always getting really high marks in homework assignments etc.

Based off of this, I was predicted really high GCSE grades and A-level grades as well. But, I also have an issue with procrastination and leaving work to the last minute. It’s not pure laziness but it’s related to the fact that I have ADHD and anxiety and that plays a role in causing me to procrastinate and leave everything to the last minute.

So, with my GCSEs I literally left revision to the last minute and with my exams in Year 12, I did so as well. I then got lower grades than I was capable of.

However, why does it seem as though nobody truly believes me when I explain this to them? For example, I was explaining to my teachers/classmates that I am truly capable of getting A*s in my exams and was capable of getting 9s at GCSE as shown by my performance in mock tests and homework and classwork but that I only got lesser grades because I left it to the last minute. They didn’t say anything to contradict me but I just got the impression that they thought I was lying and wasn’t as clever as I thought I was.

Im not even complaining about my results and am getting help for my anxiety/ADHD issues for - but maybe if my teachers/classmates were to say that I need to do better and stop procrastinating that would be one thing. But I feel like they don’t even think I procrastinate and that I’m not that clever.

Fundamentally, why would they think that seemingly think I’m lying?

I am 45 years old and have adhd. I could have a tidy and organized home. But I don’t as I have adhd. I could have done better in my exams, but I left revision to the last minute. I could have applied for a better paying job, but a procrastinated until it was too late to apply. Coulda, woulda, shoulda. Until you ACTUALLY do it, you can’t if that makes sense.

Oops sorry quoted you @hamsandyams when I meant to quote the OP.

My point stands.Many, many people did GCSEs in Covid under worse conditions than in the UK.

Natural intelligence doesn't actually get you as far as some people like to think. Some pupils can coast along at primary school and the start of secondary, but everyone gets to a point sooner or later where being bright is not enough on its own. Pupils also need to engage with learning, work consistently over time, prepare for exams etc. You reached that point and you didn't do the work, for whatever reason, and you got the grades that you deserved at that time. What grades you could have got if you had done the work aren't relevant or interesting, because you didn't do it. You would do better to try to accept that.

But you didn’t get the grades, so why would they believe you?

Back in the days before conditions like ADHD and anxiety were commonplace (and I won't go into that particular minefield here), people would probably have said that you were academically very bright, but not academically brilliant.

For better or worse, exams tend to be the means by which academic achievement is judged. If, for whatever reason, you are not able to achieve the very highest grades in examinations, just accept this - or try to improve upon it. Making excuses because you are not the genius that you think you are and blaming others when they are rightly skeptical of this, is just going to make you look silly.

Yes, but Covid affected everyone.

Like all the rest of your peer group, you mean?

You are the same age as my son. He is already a term into uni, loving life and no one cares about what his A level results were already. Apply to somewhere other than Cambridge, go somewhere that BBB will be more typical. Rather than focussing on what didn't happen, focus on what you can do with what you have got.

As per my post previously, I have As coming out of my ears from school. I went to uni to do a professional degree and once there, I was utterly average compared to my peer group. It was incredibly levelling. No matter what I was capable of, there was always someone more capable. And even with my school grades, I started failing exams because I hadn't learned how to revise. There is only so far that cruising can take most people. It taught me to never rest on my laurels, to learn how to actually work.

Words are cheap. People don't want to hear that someone claims they could've got top scores, then reels off excuses as to why they did not.

The proof of the pudding is in the eating. They don't need to 'believe' you because you're just saying something that cannot be proven. And people will think you're just making excuses.

Most adults don't actually care about other people's academic grades anyway. Especially not imagined ones that are higher than what's there in black and white.

Just learn from your mistakes and try and improve next time. You don't need to convince anyone else.

Plenty of us - without ADHD or anything else - have underperformed in exams, because we were too lazy, or too keen on partying - or whatever - to put the necessary work in. But most of us won’t go around telling everybody how much better we really should have done, if only….

If I were you, I’d shut up about it. It’ll make you sound like a bit of a pain.

"I just got the impression that they thought I was lying"

You don't know what they thought. You have just made that up in your head.

You just need to start performing now and prove yourself.

OP, I was the same, and I am a bit last minute and procrastinate with some things still as an adult.

The thing is to realise almost everyone does it at some point and to try and work smart not hard to make it work for you.

What I say to myself is that I did the best I could do at the time. I had fun going out and got good grades. Yes I might have done better still if I had my nose to the grindstone, but that was never going to happen. How fortunate we are to be able to do pretty well without trying too hard. And when we do really try we can achieve amazing things. By being at peace with this, I actually am more chilled out and procrastinate less.

Most people don't know that ADHD can manifest as procrastination and anxiety and how completely overwhelming it is. People hear ADHD and they think hyperactivity.

Ds had exactly the same story but Ritalin has proved life changing for him. He can now manage a study plan instead of a last minute melt down.

I've no doubt you are intelligent enough, but exams are partly based on skill as well and if this skill is inhibited in you then it may be that until you develop it, you aren't capable of doing it. Not that it's your fault, not that you'd never be able to do it if you learn the right coping mechanisms etc. But if at present you can't get those grades without sufficient revision, and if at present you do not have whatever skills are necessary to do that revision, then yes, you're limited and this is the result.

The exam tests, in part, your ability to prepare for it. Some people can excel on bugger all work but most of us, even if we are very intelligent, still need to prepare. Some people are good on preparation even if they're not so naturally talented at retaining information and that compensates for them, or even makes them overtake people with more innate ability. One percent inspiration and all that.

You need to put your money where your mouth is; so to speak

Why talk about it all, let alone try to explain. People never do understand things like that and the term, 'lazy' is affixed far too easily. I do understand, op, very well indeed.

Just be yourself, you'll do OK when you find your niche. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone. GCSEs ae just a small part along the way.

I could have written your post both at GCSE and A’level. However I’ve spent my adult life not knowing about ADHD and just feeling like a failure. I now see why I found it so difficult to learn how to develop a work ethic and wish I’d known earlier. You are lucky you know so early what your issues are.
Here are my suggestions

• Look up rejection sensitive dysphoria to understand what some with ND are very sensitive to things like lack of acknowledgement
• stop procrastinating about finding ways to learn a way to get the work done. You live at a time when there is everything you need to know at your fingertips, make a plan, Google some strategies and USE IT.
• understand others acknowledging your brilliance is useless. We live in a NT world and have to learn how to succeed within its structures. Redirect the resentful energy of not being acknowledged into finding and trying strategies to help yourself.

NB assuming this is a reverse next time think about how it would feel the other way around. Disrespectful? Nicer to say ‘can you give my kid some advice’.

There's a saying that success is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration -

In other words, if you don't have the discipline to work hard in addition to natural ability, you're never going to achieve your potential and show people what you are capable of. So just telling them is not going to have any impact

Umpteen million years ago I think I would have got better grades if I hadn't procrastinated, had been more disciplined with revision, had made more attempt with subjects that I found boring/difficult (although maths was a totally lost cause) and had better exam technique (no assessed work when I was at school) The common denominator of all this is that it was on me and noone elses fault. Looking back over decades I can see that very clearly.

I think you should stop fretting over what can't be changed and work on how you go forward, with better strategies and learning from past mistakes.

Btw OP, DS got 4 A stars in A levels in Maths, Further Maths, Physics and Economics ( so not easy subjects). He didnt get into Cambridge. There were even smarter people who did the interview better than he did.

Meanwhile DS got into another good uni where he is very happy and doing well. Worked out for the best. Do not fixate on Oxbridge.

But WITH the ADHD and without the raw intellect you'd have done a lot worse.
My friend got assaulted 2 weeks before exams. Another lost her Dad.
I myself was really ill throughout Y10 and Autumn term of Y11. I was on a reduced timetable due to medical needs, I used to go home in the afternoons and sleep. I bust a gut in the subjects I missed in the afternoons as I didn't want to be making excuses - "I could have got As but...." My history teacher was ace, telling me where to direct my revision. If I'd been in a different group I could say "I could have got an A in History but the teacher was mediocre".
Exam results are an objective measure of how well you demonstrate a specific range of skills and knowledge at a given point in time. They aren't a measure of your value as a person. They also don't measure academic potential, just how did you perform at the time. Obviously universities use them as a proxy because they are standardised.

So many people state this... it's so easy to say isn't it?

Agreed.

Its a weird thing to care about.

I certainly could have done better in both gcses and a levels...I did close to no revision was drinking/clubbing the night before some gcse exams. I was lucky in that i got As but i cried for weeks about the lack of A*s...

Tens if not hundreds of thousands of people could truthfully say....
"If i did more revising / worked harder my grades would be higher"

Ie. there is nothing special about your situation

All that matters is what you do.

You can tell yourself any story you like about why you haven't done things - I certainly languished in this fantasy myself as a young woman - but all that matters is what you do.

In life, people look at what you do, not what a better/luckier/more focused version of you might have done in another timeline. At work, nobody pays you for work you would have done if you'd tried harder. Basically, the story of "potential" well meaning teachers tell you at school is a trick. You can't eat potential. It's time to work now.

You did not achieve the grades you say you're capable of.
I too left revision to the very last minute, or worse not at all. Also was out drinking the night before and hung over for some exams.
Obviously, if I didn't stupidly do those things I would have got much better grades than what I did.
Same with you and everyone else.