Why would people not believe me?

[sarahlayton06]

I want to ask something and I’m being completely honest.

So, I am academically gifted in that I have always been in the top set for all of my subjects and perform really well in class, always getting really high marks in homework assignments etc.

Based off of this, I was predicted really high GCSE grades and A-level grades as well. But, I also have an issue with procrastination and leaving work to the last minute. It’s not pure laziness but it’s related to the fact that I have ADHD and anxiety and that plays a role in causing me to procrastinate and leave everything to the last minute.

So, with my GCSEs I literally left revision to the last minute and with my exams in Year 12, I did so as well. I then got lower grades than I was capable of.

However, why does it seem as though nobody truly believes me when I explain this to them? For example, I was explaining to my teachers/classmates that I am truly capable of getting A*s in my exams and was capable of getting 9s at GCSE as shown by my performance in mock tests and homework and classwork but that I only got lesser grades because I left it to the last minute. They didn’t say anything to contradict me but I just got the impression that they thought I was lying and wasn’t as clever as I thought I was.

Im not even complaining about my results and am getting help for my anxiety/ADHD issues for - but maybe if my teachers/classmates were to say that I need to do better and stop procrastinating that would be one thing. But I feel like they don’t even think I procrastinate and that I’m not that clever.

Fundamentally, why would they think that seemingly think I’m lying?

Yes. You can't do it because of the procrastination you describe.

I was going to say that this type of thing was one reason way grades went up during covid,
We knew as teachers that some pupils would get higher levels than they would in exams due to no end exams and having to take a more holistic approach.

But you blaming covid for low levels even though you are "gifted" makes me think otherwise.

I could have earned a million pounds if I had taken a really good chance I had - but I didn't so I haven't.

I can't now go to the shops and tell them how I almost was a millionaire. And what difference does it make whether they believe or not?

The only difference is to your bruised ego, that's all.

Onward and upward OP - pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going. You have the intelligence - you just need to figure out how to get organised.

But I did take exams for GCSEs in 2022. My year was the first year to do so.

As long as you are motivated, that's the important thing. Why do you care what others think? Only person you have something to prove to is yourself.

That way I will have better exam results than most people at Oxbridge and I will feel much better about myself.

I can promise you that you won't have better results than most people at Oxbridge, so please don't base your self-worth on something so small and narrow

I would suggest that you go off this thread, take a break from thinking / obsessing about your studies and future for a few days, start focusing on it again after Christmas/ in the new year. You sound like you need to give your head a break

In the new year make a focused plan of action and stick to it. I think you are well aware of the mistakes you made so try and learn from them and move on. All humans, without exception are fallible so don’t beat yourself up about it too much.

You’re not capable of those grades because you’re not capable of putting in the work you need to achieve them.

It’s a life lesson. Your future self will thank you for learning it sooner rather than later.

Try reversing it, @sarahlayton06 If you weren't unusually intelligent or academically able, but you slogged your guts out and got all top grades in your exams, would you take kindly to someone telling you you shouldn't have those grades because they were a reflection of your hard work, not your innate ability?

You need to get the evidence. At the moment, you have no conclusive evidence of these abilities. If you're now in a position to put the work in and achieve your potential, focus on that. Then, once you have the evidence, you'll find people may be more prepared to believe you. This is something you're going to encounter throughout uni, work and life - people aren't going to just believe you because you want them to, you need to have evidence to support claims you make.

By all means go for the three A stars/ Oxbridge entrance. I’m sure you’re perfectly capable of it. But expecting this to feel better than other people at Oxbridge is simply silly. Many, many A* academically brilliant people there have imposter syndrome. Please don’t rely on exam grades for self worth. Build it by showing up for yourself, consistently.

I doubt anyone cares that you could of, would of, should of. What are you trying to prove. If it's that you could get good gcse grades you missed that boat lol.

I am quite sure you will ignore this post, but as someone who has been to Oxford, it is a really hard place to be if you have such low self esteem as you seem to have. It can be brutal for women (not sure if you are male or female, gay men were fine though).

You are literally in the place where so many theories/ideas/discoveries were made by genius people, and you are compared to them - every week, with every essay, come up with something new, or why are you here? You can’t copy the book, because often the famous author is literally your tutor, it’s fantastic and nerve wracking. If you would find that terrifying, or at least something you couldn’t be comfortable with, then your exam results are perfect for you, and show that you might want to scale your ideas back.

I was always considered to be highly intelligent as a child but never really did much with it. I was diagnosed with autism in my late 30s after doing fuck all with my life.

Nobody gives a shit about what you should have been able to do but didn't. Focus on what you can and are doing.

I could’ve played for England if I’d put my mind to it. I could’ve been a concert pianist if I’d practised. Blah blah blah.

You don’t just need talent / intelligence to achieve at the highest level. You need that, plus hard work and , possibly, some good luck and/or connections.

Potential is one thing. We’ve all got that. Achievement is another.

That’s why people don’t believe you. And they are probably sick and tired of you banging on like this.

Are you very young op? You sound it!

Because it sounds like a load of bollocks 🤷‍♀️ Loads of people say that sort of thing but, unless you’ve got the certificate to back up your words, you’re just a procrastinator with crap grades.

Why? Being predicted grades isn’t the same as delivering them. Why spread yourself thinner over 5 subjects instead of making sure you turn those predictions into reality.

Sometimes life gets in the way of dreams but the level of resilience and problem solving you learn from managing those obstacles can turn out to be key life skills.

I have a Mensa level IQ and I met people when I was a member who really thought life owed them something because of their IQ. (I didn’t last long). It really really doesn’t. Even a top 2% IQ means there are over 1 million people in the UK at the same level.

My own academic path was bumpy because one of my parents died when I was in 6th Form. I passed my a levels but not at the level I was capable of. I took 2 more years in the local college did 3 more subjects and got to do the course I wanted at a good Uni.
This taught me drive, resilience and sheer hard work. I couldn’t just rely on my intellect I had to pick myself up and drive for the results I wanted. As a previous poster mentioned that resilience is one of the biggest factors in my success since.

So if I understand correctly you're redoing your A levels hoping for high enough grades to pull back the Oxbridge law offer or another prestigious uni?

You showed a lot of ability in early exams but have struggled with health issues, COVID and ADHD plus motivation and organisational issues which may be part of the ADHD? All fine. Welcome to my world! Don't waste time going round trying to convince anyone you could've done better if only. That's life and you're describing pub loser behaviour (I could've played for Chelsea...). Address your issues, accept your flaws, as best you can on an ongoing basis, keep moving and do your best in future.

I would say focus. What's this about studying 5 a level topics when you need 3? If you need 3, do 3. Then, if you are a pantser, like me, it leaves you with some slack come exam time when you will invariably, still need to work hard. You can read up about the others or study them for fun later. Now isn't the time and nobody is interested in you proving yourself by stretching yourself too thinly.

I've got quite erratic exam results due to illness and ADHD but have learnt to accept that consistency just isn't my strong point and strategies to improve are a work in progress. I can pull it out of the bag when needed (such as to get into and stay in medical school) and am confident in my intellect privately, but have learnt to accept that sometimes there are times in my life when a pass is good enough.

Remember, exams are a bit of a snapshot. Ace the important ones but for a lot of others, good enough is plenty.

Practically speaking, get plenty of exercise and don't spend time much on screens apart from study.

That way I will have better exam results than most people at Oxbridge and I will feel much better about myself

The more updates I read from OP the sadder I feel that this seems to be all she can think of. Life is just so much more than A* and Cambridge and being better than everyone around you. It's going to be a very harsh lesson for her to learn.

I dunno, I'm not gifted and did practically no revision for my GCSEs and got decent grades, including some at A* and A. Also skived off a lot in my second year of A Levels and got ABC. I was a very lazy student at high school and at college.

I feel if you actually were gifted, you'd have done much better without lots of revision.

Your tunnel vision in your responses to people on here - including people who have achieved what you want to - and your obsessiveness about proving yourself better than most people at Oxbridge is showing your emotional intelligence and life skills intelligence have a long way to go.

You are studying 5 subjects to ‘prove’ yourself. That’s 5 subjects you will struggle to revise for in a timely manner unless you have transformed your procrastination tendencies. I’ve been diagnosed for years and am still learning strategies to turn mine around.

You think you’ll be better than most people at Oxbridge. Not a hope. There will be people there who got in younger, first time, higher score, more subjects etc. There will be people who are not struggling with ADHD or autism.

Your posts remind me of my cousin who was accepted into Oxford. But decided to travel the world instead. Except it was then Cambridge. And he never left his house, much less travelled the world. For literal decades he has told everyone who listened that he was better than them, cleverer than them, in all ways superior to them because he ‘could’ have been a Cambridge scholar. Or Oxford.

The reality is he’s 50+ with MH issues, living with his mum having achieved nothing because he thought being bright and just existing was enough and the world should have rewarded him for it, and he was angry when it didn’t. Whatever his potential was, he wasted it through arrogance. You could so easily go the same way.

Which universities have you actually applied for OP? You're too late to apply to Oxbridge.

I don't think your teachers did you any favours by predicting top grades for your A Levels, @sarahlayton06 . 🙁There was little basis for them to do so, since you had already underperformed at GCSE level. Despite how well you may have done in the classroom or on coursework, this did not bear out in exams. It has given you unrealistic expectations and, arguably, an inflated sense of your abilities which is fuelling this one-track obsession with Oxbridge.

On another note, anyone else here old enough to remember Brandon Lee/Brian MacKinnon or have seen My Old School, the documentary about his exploits, featuring Alan Cumming?

There's absolutely no point doing 5 A Levels. It proves nothing. Some 10 year olds can do A Levels. Also Oxbridge certainly don't require anymore than 3 A Levels.

You do realise that just about everyone applying to Cambridge will have 3 A* yes? So you getting amazing grades will not make you elite in anyway. So, it comes down to the notorious Cambridge interview.......and you're highly unlikely to pass the interview because of your (clearly) unhealthy, unbalanced view of the world.

I think I should quit my part time job just to devote time to the extra revision. That way I will have better exam results than most people at Oxbridge and I will feel much better about myself.

Can someone else explain to her what's very obviously going on here, please? I've had too much mulled wine.