Why would people not believe me?

[sarahlayton06]

I want to ask something and I’m being completely honest.

So, I am academically gifted in that I have always been in the top set for all of my subjects and perform really well in class, always getting really high marks in homework assignments etc.

Based off of this, I was predicted really high GCSE grades and A-level grades as well. But, I also have an issue with procrastination and leaving work to the last minute. It’s not pure laziness but it’s related to the fact that I have ADHD and anxiety and that plays a role in causing me to procrastinate and leave everything to the last minute.

So, with my GCSEs I literally left revision to the last minute and with my exams in Year 12, I did so as well. I then got lower grades than I was capable of.

However, why does it seem as though nobody truly believes me when I explain this to them? For example, I was explaining to my teachers/classmates that I am truly capable of getting A*s in my exams and was capable of getting 9s at GCSE as shown by my performance in mock tests and homework and classwork but that I only got lesser grades because I left it to the last minute. They didn’t say anything to contradict me but I just got the impression that they thought I was lying and wasn’t as clever as I thought I was.

Im not even complaining about my results and am getting help for my anxiety/ADHD issues for - but maybe if my teachers/classmates were to say that I need to do better and stop procrastinating that would be one thing. But I feel like they don’t even think I procrastinate and that I’m not that clever.

Fundamentally, why would they think that seemingly think I’m lying?

So what happens if you go to Cambridge and you have a “bad” lecturer there? Or you don’t get as much extra time in exams as you want? Or you are too annoyed about something to do the work? Then you will be on here complaining about how you got kicked off the course but it was completely unfair and not your fault, why doesn’t anyone believe you blah blah blah.

Life is hard and unpredictable and sooner or later you have to accept that things won’t always go your way and you won’t always be the best at everything. Humility will get you a lot further in life than excuses.

My son has got a mensa level IQ. A educational psychologist said he is the most intelligent child she has ever met. Good gcses ( covid guessed grades). Straight A alevels. But he can't stick or turn up for anything. He dropped out of uni in week one.

Basically IQ means something but you don't have the grades so your not a top A student. My son is a genius but he is also a flacky drop out. Its just a sad situation that high IQ doesn't always mean your a successful high flyer by default.

My son is unemployed and still looks down his nose at me and I vastly out qualify him. His IQ is higher but my ability to step up is something he can't do. He has a superiority complex. He is better than everyone while simultaneously not even even hold down a entry level job.
Don't turn out like that. People see your actions not some possible potential you may never forfill

Coulda, woulda, shoulda probably comes to mind. I’d just stop trying to convince people. What’s the point?

I would do the Cambridge foundation year if it's still being offered to you. It's one year in the whole entirety of your life, and if it gets you into Cambridge, surely that's the dream materialised, rather than having to prove yourself to anyone. I would also get some diagnosis into your application or future application to make sure you're additional needs are taken into consideration.

So far, you’ve blamed illness in Yer 9 and 11, COVID, ADHD, autism, a teacher leaving and goodness knows what else.

Your style of writing doesn’t lead me to believe that your intelligence is superior. I’m surprised that your school didn’t apply for extra time for you during any of your exams.

You’ve started a number of threads about your situation and I think, since most of the replies are encouraging you to knuckle down and get on with studying hard, instead of deciding you’ve been treated unfairly, you should reflect over the holiday period and make a plan for the future. There are, as has been said, other well thought of universities.

I don't think this is about other people not realising how extraordinary you are, I think it's a case of you coming to terms with the fact that you're pretty ordinary.

There are lots of people who excel at primary school and key stage 3, full of promise. But as we get older life happens, hormones happen etc. we can't keep up academically and eventually we lose the edge we had.

I already said that it was too late for my school to apply for extra time as I was diagnosed and tested two months before the exams began.

Plus, it’s tricky to type fast on a phone to respond to comments and to have correct grammar, especially on a site like MumsNet which frequently autocorrects you.

You really need to let this go.

Getting the best grades and going to the best university isn’t the be all and end all of life.

You need to accept what happened is what happened and make a new plan from now.

Because it doesn't really matter what you could have got or how clever you are - it's what you come out with on the bit of paper with the grades at the end of the day. No one cares about whether you worked or not, whether you could have done it differently (better or worse), whether you put in hours of effort over a long period or time - all that counts is the grade. You may be really smart, but you are measured on those grades, how clever you think you are is not relevant.

😬 nailed it. Sorry OP but I reckon this is just part of growing up - going from coasting along being one of the cleverest in one school, to getting out into the real world and realising, oh shit! It’s a great time of life though, go get em! Either sink or swim - swim, you can do it!

This. It’s a bit…I can’t think what the word is but throughout life there are people saying “I could have done X but for Y” well some people had their own Y but they still achieved X! For a levels I was consistently predicted As based on mocks etc for two subjects. I studied hard and I felt super confident coming out of exams. I got Cs. Teachers agreed and appealed. No change. My school was small and the archers not exactly dynamic. I suspect the teachers at my school didn’t actually know clearly enough what level was required and thus we weren’t taught to A standard (no one got above C). But I’ve never said this to anyone about my grades as it sounds ridiculous

OP, it doesn't matter what people think. You need to look at your own abilities and how deadlines and high pressure situations that require this sort of studying affect you. Then choose a career based on that rather than what you might be capable of if you didn't procrastinate, because for academic or cerebral work good time management is part of the deal. I was the same as you, gifted but a terrible procrastinator. I did get straight As for my exams in the end and went to uni but I hated the studying and after that I hated office work, I hated sitting in front of a computer, hated deadlines and reports and writing emails. At 39 I retrained as a childcare worker and I'm much happier doing that. You might be better at physical work where you don't have stressful deadlines to work to, such as being a massage therapist, or a plumber, or a craftsperson or an entrepreneur.
In the end being good at academic stuff is just one kind of intelligence and there are also people who aren't super smart who do well with that kind of work because they are good at time management and can cope with things you find boring. Play to your strengths and don't be concerned with what others think about how intelligent you are. It may be that if you were known as the "smart kid" it's hard to not be perceived that way anymore and to come down off that pedestal. But it can be liberating too.

I don't think that anyone really cares but you. You can't be bothered so haven't reached your potential, you don't get anything out of life for just having potential. There will be loads of kids smarter than you who are living in countries where education isn't available to them. That's worth a discussion, you being lazy really isn't.

This thread epitomises, for me, exactly what is wrong with this country As my dear late fil law used to say, “What we need is more backbone and less wishbone.”

Be proud of what you have OP & stop stressing yourself about what might have been.

I am way older than you (triple your age) so did O levels and A levels before A stars were invented. I was in the top set of everything like you BUT when it came to my O and A exams I didn't really need to revise. The only revision I did was the past papers we covered in class from Easter till the exams and any homework we were asked to do (it's so long ago I don't even remember if there was homework post Easter).

I didn't consider myself academically gifted. I just felt lucky that I 'got it' quickly and I could remember it. When I went to uni I met some really gifted people and realised they were far brighter than me. I was distinctly average set against them. The most stressful exams I ever took were my first year uni exams as I desperately wanted to pass but was genuinely not sure if I was bright enough to get through.

If you are struggling to study for A levels and don't have the required grades first time for Cambridge I would say that you would likely fall by the wayside when you see the ease with which some of the Cambridge undergrads cope with the workload. Pick another uni for your sanity.

OP there are lots of clever people out there who didn't achieve a place at either Oxford or Cambridge, but still worked hard, obtained good degrees at other unis and then had rewarding careers.
It may be a result of your diagnosis, but I think that being obsessed with the past few years and the thought of Cambridge is really holding you back. Have you considered counselling?
Speaking from experience, being top of your class is very different to being at a top university where the other students were all in a similar position.

Never heard that before. What a wise man he must have been!

I could be a size 6 if only I ate less! The potential is there!!

I am confused about your circumstances but what I gather is you seem very obsessed with what other people think of you. In reality, no one is thinking about you. Honestly.

People don't believe because you've not delivered. You have to show people what you can do - and that's proved by results.

It's very rare in this world that unless you have a proven past track record that you'll be taken at face value.

@sarahlayton06 You seem very focused on getting into Oxbridge. Why?

@sarahlayton06
Most people don't care enough to think you are lying or not. It's all a pointless conversation because you got the results you got. You seem very concerned with what people think and this seems to be a big reason you want to go to Oxford or Cambridge.
I'm also fairly certain I could have got all A's in my final school exams if I had studied enough but I was quite lazy and so I didn't. I also think I have ADHD but that doesn't really make any difference in the long run. It would never have occurred to have explained to people that I could have got all A's if I worked harder, I just don't understand why you would have this conversation with anyone.
You're very young but the sooner you realise you don't need to explain things to people, it's none of their business and other than families and close friends most people are caught up in their own stuff. I wish you the best of luck with getting into the uni you want but as someone who didn't go to uni it's really not everything.

Indeed. It's definitely not the place for people who don't work consistently hard all the time.

Take the rest of this year to prepare again and make sure you have whatever help you need.