Why would people not believe me?

[sarahlayton06]

I want to ask something and I’m being completely honest.

So, I am academically gifted in that I have always been in the top set for all of my subjects and perform really well in class, always getting really high marks in homework assignments etc.

Based off of this, I was predicted really high GCSE grades and A-level grades as well. But, I also have an issue with procrastination and leaving work to the last minute. It’s not pure laziness but it’s related to the fact that I have ADHD and anxiety and that plays a role in causing me to procrastinate and leave everything to the last minute.

So, with my GCSEs I literally left revision to the last minute and with my exams in Year 12, I did so as well. I then got lower grades than I was capable of.

However, why does it seem as though nobody truly believes me when I explain this to them? For example, I was explaining to my teachers/classmates that I am truly capable of getting A*s in my exams and was capable of getting 9s at GCSE as shown by my performance in mock tests and homework and classwork but that I only got lesser grades because I left it to the last minute. They didn’t say anything to contradict me but I just got the impression that they thought I was lying and wasn’t as clever as I thought I was.

Im not even complaining about my results and am getting help for my anxiety/ADHD issues for - but maybe if my teachers/classmates were to say that I need to do better and stop procrastinating that would be one thing. But I feel like they don’t even think I procrastinate and that I’m not that clever.

Fundamentally, why would they think that seemingly think I’m lying?

If you can’t manage to do the necessary revision - for whatever reason - then you AREN’T capable of achieving top grades, sorry. It’s like saying you are capable of passing Grade 8 piano but you just haven’t done any practice!

I have moderate to severe ADHD and managed to get top grades at GCSE and A Level by finding strategies that worked for me like mind mapping, doing short intense chunks of revision, planning rewards in etc. I didn’t have a diagnosis, I just had to find ways to work around the difficulties I was having.

And yet you reposted it for the rest of us. Thanks for that.

Look getting top grades doesnt mean you get into Cambridge. They look at a host of other things. As DS found out. He had perfect grades in GCSE and A levels.

There are other unis just as good. A fixation on any one uni these days is unadvisable. Ds is at his third choice Uni, and v happy.

Indeed. My older brother (who passed the 11 plus but left school at 15 in the days when you could with NO exam grades at all) said repeatedly to our mother "I could have done as well as our Vicky if I'd tried."

You DIDN'T try though, did you?

I believe you because I'm auDHD and when I actually try I get very high marks (I got 99/100 in an A Level exam. 91 on a degree assignment I did recently etc). When I don't try, I can get anything from very low to average.

The thing is, people tend to believe what they see. So they will just see what you're saying as denial or idk bragging or something. People are much more catty than is necessary and I wouldn't bother saying it out loud.

I’m a teacher. I’ve taught loads of pupils who are clever enough to get A*s, but aren’t always capable of it. It’s two different things.

Personally, I hate the current exam system (especially at GCSE) as I think terminal exams negatively impact on pupils with ADHD and the way some questions are asked (especially for English) negatively impacts on autistic pupils.

BUT

this is the system we have. I probably wouldn’t predict you A*s because you probably wouldn’t have consistently shown me you could achieve them. It wouldn’t mean I didn’t think you were clever though.

So much as people have been saying, then...you're intelligent, for sure, but you struggle to maintain your standards when circumstances are difficult; a psychological barrier (since you seem able to catch up when the problem is only missing the classes initially). True of most people, I think, but some are just better equipped to compensate for it than others. In real life, we don't always have ideal circumstances for what we want to achieve and as a result we don't always achieve it, even if we can potentially do it. There's more understanding of that in real life than you may think at the moment, but at the end of the day we have to go on the results we have.

I don’t want to have to settle by going to a different university or a Cambridge Foundation Year

It won't be the first thing you come across that you don't want to do, I'm afraid. I guess you have to make a choice based on the options available. If you really refuse to go anywhere but Cambridge then you'll have to keep resitting until you get the grades and do no degree at all until that happens, but if you struggle so much with exam pressure and psychological barriers of the kind you describe, I'm honestly not sure it's going to be the right place for you. And how long will you give it before it stops being an intelligent thing to do?

Do you really think there is nobody Oxbridge-level clever in other universities? What are you worried about? Why must it be Cambridge or nothing?

She’s blown the Cambridge application by not getting the grades the first time and not submitting the application on time the second time.

Two years trying to get into Cambridge is enough, it’s time the OP found a different course to apply to.

That’s not defeatist, that’s flogging a dead horse. “Those who are ambitious and achieve a lot” do so by adapting and making new opportunities when the first plan doesn’t work out.

I have a very positive attitude to life. I don’t think inflexible fixations on one outcome (Oxbridge) help young people in the slightest when there are excellent courses at other universities.

The OP failed to get into Cambridge twice and should be looking at other ways to achieve her goals.

Oxbridge for the sake of it implies the OP, in her youth, thinks the prestige is the thing matters and proves how clever she is.

@JingleB you seem to be taking this personally. The OP is young and smart. She has "blown" nothing.

Knowing someone is capable of getting top grades if they bother to put in the work, when they haven’t put in the work is just frustrating for teachers & anyone else who wants to see you do well.

What do you expect anyone to actually do/say except yeah just do the work then?

This private tutoring agency factored in my needed extra time which is why I was able to achieve my true potential. The fact that I was able to go from BBB to 3A-stars between just June and September shows that I’m not lying

It’s not about whether you’re ‘lying’ it’s about whether you pull your finger out and do the work so you get those grades in your final exams.

Even then, getting straight A* doesn’t automatically get you an Oxbridge place, has anyone explained the whole application/interview process to you?

Then you could have done that again before the real exams if it was important enough to you.

Anyone can say "I'm perfectly capable of excelling, I just don’t put the work in to get there." But putting the work in is part of what it takes to excel. People don’t believe you because you sound daft and as if you’re making arrogant excuses if you’re claiming you could do it, when actually you didn’t. It’s like someone saying "I could be a top concert pianist if I wanted to because I’m so brilliantly musical - it’s just that I never get round to doing any piano practice."

Grades, for everyone, reflect what you can do on the day.

You should have learned your lesson about procrastinating years ago not related to ashd. You are so clever, right?
You are aware of your adhd. Deal with it - there are many resources available.

You can make excuses or make a schedule and stick to it.
People who don’t have adhd, also need to work to a schedule & struggle getting things done on time.

Stop making excuses. Start making successes for yourself.

They have. I literally passed the interview/test process the first time.

@sarahlayton06 are you sure about studying law? Someone this prone to overthinking and procrastination may be better suited to another profession.

Kindly OP, you didn't get the grades no matter what the reason.

There are a lot of people like you, my DC1 is one. Same age, predicted A and A*s, didn't get them because he didn't put in the effort and lost his uni offer. I have heard various reasons why he didn't, but ultimately he could have overcome them.

My dad, brother, and I are the same - we have never got the grades we "could" because whilst we have the academic ability we lack the motivation, dedication, and other skills needed to get top grades.

My DC2 (who is just one year younger) will outperform her brother because she works damn hard all the time. She knows things don't come quite as easy to her. She is a B+ student who gets A/A*s because she has the necessary skills to make sure she does well- DH is the same.

My point is, basic intelligence isn't enough and it is unfair to claim you could be better if only "whatever," on those who did get the results. And many people are like you.

You’re overthinking this.

Why does it matter whether they believe you are academically gifted or not?

The relentless rigour of the system at Cambridge would probably see the OP crashing out of her course before the end of the first year.

I haven't read the whole thread but many people have commented the same thing I'm thinking. They don't believe you because you didn't do it. You might have an excellent brain but that is not all it takes to get top grades. It takes hard work, patience and time management. The latter of which you clearly struggle with. That will not just go away and is something you will have to plan for so maybe a foundation degree is the way forward.

I do understand where you are coming from. I'm naturally smart in that I can process information quickly. However, I too have traits of ADHD. It is only since my late 30/early 40s that I've proved myself getting another degree with a first and a masters with distinction and published research.

You're going to have to let this mindset go and try another approach. It isn't going to help you achieve what you say your'e capable of. Because continuing to focus on what hasn't happened is not going to change the end result in the slightest. What's gone is gone. Other people will judge by your results in life and that's an end to it, regardless of what you say the reasons are. You have plenty of time in life to get back on track.

I do think some people on this thread are being unnecessarily snarky, I get how upsetting it is when "being clever" has become part of your identity in your mind, and now it feels like you're being told you're not, but the ONLY thing that's going to make a change to your actual results going forward is what you DO, actually do, to avoid any ADHD-related procrastination in future and, as I say, find ways and build the skills to achieve what it is you say you're capable of. The past is gone - learn from it. Your future results are all that matters.

Yes, but the offer was conditional on you getting the grades and that rested on you having whatever skills were necessary on top of the raw intelligence.

The world is not divided into Oxbridge graduates and non-clever people. Are you going to put your life on hold indefinitely because it must be Cambridge or nothing? Why? What are you worried about?

Lovely - you are young, don’t waste your time and energy on this on here or anywhere. It sounds like you’re doing all the right things with your education, and maybe just need to learn a few more skills to help with the procrastination, you will do it, don’t worry. It’s challenging being ND, I hope you can get some support with it. I feel that you want to hear someone say they believe in you, and that’s okay, we all need a little bit of cheerleading sometimes. But don’t focus on it too much, ultimately the belief we have in ourselves is what matters the most. I believe you are smart, you will get to where you want to be. Just give yourself a break and don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re going in a spiral on here and it won’t result in anything good, go and do something you find fun or relaxing Xx