Safe place for those who don't enjoy christmas (for whatever reason).

[ueberlin2030]

A safe space to express how you feel this festive season, without judgement, whether you feel this way every year or are just struggling/having a hard time this year.
If you do enjoy christmas then feel free to comment as long as it's kind and not telling us why we should enjoy christmas too.
I'm not 100% sure why I don't enjoy it, and haven't for a while, though I do have some thoughts which I'm trying to work through logically. 🙃

My parents are dead, no other biological family for me. DH has brothers, nieces/nephews, great nieces/nephews and a dad left but no one wants to be with us. DS (18) is in his first year at uni and is being an utter arse and hasn't come back yet so I have to drive a 3 hour plus round trip tomorrow (dh is working till lunchtime tomorrow but will end up working all day, will have work to do on boxing day) to get him, then apparently he's going back the day after boxing day.

I nearly took all the food to the community pantry this morning I was so fucked off with the whole thing

I don't enjoy Christmas. I enjoy most of the year but from October onwards it's a drag. I paste a smile on my face and muddle through but in reality, I can't wait until it's all over. Sympathies to others who feel the same or similar, for whatever reason.

Struggle with it at the best of times. Difficult family situation, childless not by choice. This year is beyond awful, am in the middle of a mental health crisis, single, trying to switch meds for the second time in 6 weeks and need to somehow get my shit together today, pack my car and dog and drive to my mum and dad's tommorow which is a super stressful situation due to their health and lots of conflict and stress. I just want to run away and hide from it all.

I used to love christmas as a child, but as an (autistic) adult I do struggle with the disruption to my routine, and the fact that food shopping is so much more stressful.

Thankfully my husband and I make sure to take time off work and we live in a different country to any of our family members so we just spend the holidays doing Jigsaws and crafting. I hate big parties and celebrations and the materialism and consumerism around Christmas.

I much prefer a 1900s Christmas where we make our own decorations out of paper and give one gift each.

I've had long covid this year too so looking back over the year is bittersweet, I've had good times but also the lowest I think I've ever felt. You don't realise how energy intensive Christmas all is until you're ill (well, I didn't).

It's also my birthday just after which everyone forgets as it's hugely overshadowed by Christmas. This year I'm going to a spa on my own and I cant wait to just relax and get massaged. I'm always so glad when life gets back to normal after Christmas too.

I really really feel for you. Sympathy and solidarity (I had similar in years past) and all of the hugs x

The novelist Marian Keyes has an excellent video on You Tube sharing her reflections about Christmas. She really struggles with it all too. It's a mix of reflection and practical, sympathetic advice. I watch it at least once every Christmas as a little booster against all the madness and I find it so helpful. She has one for New Years Eve too

I normally like it but it's been a horrible year, I've spent far too much money and I'm just really tired. We always host which is expensive and I feel like all I do is bloody clean!
Have decided next year I'm going to wangle an invite to someone else's and just turn up with wine. No cleaning, no mad shopping no stress!
Failing that I'll see you all in Tenerife..

I find it incredibly tedious. Happy to attend christmas parties etc and stuff myself on the day (and the days before and after, if I'm being honest). And I like the time away from work. What I can't bear is the expected gift-giving with some people bankrupting themselves or saving all year long, everyone cooking the same thing, the gaudy decorations, the constant christmas chatter... yawn

I fucking detest it. I wish every year that I could cancel it and just have December 25th as any normal day. I'd even prefer to work it! Never once had a good Christmas growing up. It always triggers flashbacks of horrific events. I try to make an effort for DS (he's now 10) but the magic is wearing off for him and I just can't be arsed.

Sorry to hear this, @Twatalert , I hope you get through this few days and can get support in the future.
Have you thought of going away for the holiday, just not be around any of it, maybe to a non-christian country?

I didn’t do much for it last year (walks with friends but was otherwise alone) but this year am off to family for a couple of days.

But with every passing year I become more aware of how insane modern Christmas is. Cars queuing to get into supermarket car parks. Aggressive drivers because everyone is stressed. Awful traffic everywhere. Christmas markets selling absolute shite for twice the price because you’re buying it from a wooden shed. People forcing themselves and their families to drive for hours to spend time with people they detest (usually for good reason). The same 10 pop songs played relentlessly every year. People needlessly getting into (further) debt to pay for food and presents.

Why do we do it to ourselves? Nobody is forcing us! Most of us aren’t even bloody religious! There’s a lot to be said for dialling it right back and stopping all the performative nonsense.

Exactly my thoughts!

Thanks for this thread. I fucking HATE Christmas since I split up with my (psychopathic and abusive) ex. Holidays are shared by chopping them in half and we alternate Christmases. I have to keep putting on a brave face for my older DC who's from a previous relationship, has additional needs and spends every Xmas with me. My parents want to see everyone but are sad.
Last year the DC were away till Boxing day and I honestly wanted to just cry all day long on Xmas. This year they are with me on Xmas day and I thought it would be easier but then go to my ex on Boxing day till term starts. It is just looming over everyone.
I used to really enjoy Xmas but now I feel like my ex has stolen that from me and DCs who are very clearly saying they don't want to go and see their dad at all. But the court order states that they must go.

I can't wait till school starts again 😪

I've just been talking about this with DP. As an adult, I have always disliked Christmas. Then when my children were born I started to enjoy making it special for them, even though I struggled with all the 'events' like Christmas fairs, visiting Santa etc because I hate crowds.

I always feel very anxious around Christmas and can't really explain why. Not the usual stress of buying presents and organising dinner and spending way too much time with the in laws(😆), but a sort of underlying feeling of nervous melancholy that extends right into New Year. I try to keep it to myself as much as possible, but it's extremely hard.

I hear you all loud and clear. I think I used to like Christmas but the last few years, I just find there’s so much pressure. Didn’t want to go to one of the work events and got asked “what’s your excuse this time?”. HR putting pressure on me to go to other events because they “organised it and a lot of work goes into it”. I don’t fucking want to go!!!

DC1 is autistic and has REALLY struggled this year. We’ve also spent stupid amounts of money on presents and food (though we are foodies and this is our one pleasure as we don’t go out anymore). The supermarket scramble becomes more and more unbearable each year. And don’t get me started on having to spend Christmas Day at my mother in laws all cramped up in her not very large kitchen diner, plus everyone bringing big dogs when theres no room. Can’t relax as have to watch nephew and niece like hawks with my autistic child as they are just thoroughly rotten to him.

MIL commenting that we should have time at ours (erm no because they don’t respect our house or furniture).

The only things I am looking forwards to is a walk with DC tomorrow afternoon then making hot chocolate and toffee popcorn bark. And their excitement (but only if DC1 isn’t too overwhelmed). Plus watching Office Christmas Party (tradition) with DH and loads of Chicago PD. Plus his cooking. So food and telly are the highlights basically.

A whole load of fucking disruptive stress

Joining in to say SAD and an eating disorder makes this a thing of dread for me.
Zero energy that I force myself to work and that is it.
Vulgar overspending by people,crowds everywhere.
So dull and predictable.
I like aspects like the trees and lights however the day itself not so much.

I hate it. Abusive childhood, with Christmas day always ending up with my 'parents' fighting because they were drunk.

For decades I pretended everything was okay, I joined in with the family festivities even though it came at a huge emotional cost. I stopped with the fake bullshit about 15 years ago and I just treat Christmas as a normal day. The relief is immense.

I don't buy anything special food wise, I don't buy presents nor would I accept them from anyone, any cards received go straight in the recycling. The pressure people put themselves under is ridiculous, getting into debt, trying to out-perform last year buying tons of presents - it's crazy. I look at people with trollies full of tat and all I can think of is 'near future landfill'

I'm so glad I opted out of all of the madness. I just treat the time as a bonus few days off work.

I loathe it but have 2 young DS's who think it's absolutely amazing so do my best to fake it.

Reality is Christmases always felt forced, my "D"B would always kick off and start an argument and this year I have gone NC 2 weeks ago due to his bullying behaviour once again. This has made my DM upset as she hates the rift (now with DF gone even more so) and becomes a huge elephant in the room as we visit DM.

I then have to cook and DH would much prefer a Chinese in his pj's!

Only plus side is baileys is cheap!

It's just too much.

Too much spend.

Too much work.

Too much emphasis on one day.

One day that is just a celebration of spending huge sums of money, big stress on getting the lunch just right and navigating difficult relationships.

My dcs don't even want gifts anymore. They just regard it as the accumulation of yet more stuff that they don't particularly want. My youngest is 12 and he's the most vociferous about this.

I hate the food shopping frenzy as if the end of the world is nigh.

I just do not get the joy. If I had a personal chef then maybe. However I also do not want to detract the happiness from other people either. So I paste on a smile. Do my shopping duty and get on with it.

I hate it too. I hate the money spent, the change in my routine, the forced jollity, the noise, the flashing lights, the crowds, the screaming and laughing and shouting in the streets, the over rich food and unpleasant drinks. And the judgement, the disapproval, the sneers when I retreat and refuse to join the party. I don't WANT to listen to fucking Slade again. I want a nice quiet day, a crackling fire, a good book and a perfectly made mug of tea.

I hate it too. Soon be over. Next year I'll have to show willing as dgd will be old enough to understand a little of what's happening. She's only 7 months currently.

For those thinking of getting away, could I recommend Morocco? I spent one Christmas pre children travelling in the south of Morocco and they hadn't even heard of Christmas. It was bliss.

If it helps you will probably escape next year too!
DS2 showed zero interest last year now at nearly 3 does he find it amazing.

Well said

I haven't enjoyed Christmas since my parents both died in 2020. I didn't realise how much they "made" Christmas until then. Also due to her work schedule and distance, DD is never home for Christmas anymore (she usually visits the weekend after NYD). DP has never been one for celebrating the day since his DB died just before then at work many years ago. We exchange gifts on Christmas Eve but the day itself is purely about my birthday now.