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Original poster

Do housewives still exist?

261 replies

Mumteedum · 13/12/2024 07:47

Had a funny moment in the supermarket this week where a lady was grumbling about something and we had a little small talk about how busy it is at Xmas and supermarket moving things so you can't find stuff. She referred to 'harassed housewives ' and I said 'yes and non housewives too'. She sort of apologised but I hadn't meant it to be as if I'd taken offense so made a joke of it all and all nice and fine, the end.

But it just felt like a word from another era. I remember mum saying she was a housewife. Are there any housewives these days?

I found it really odd that the lady would assume anyone was a housewife these days.

OP posts:
GiantBears · 13/12/2024 11:47

I'm a housewife and I am happy and proud to be one. It's what I always wanted and I had to work hard to end up in a marriage in which that would be financially possible.

GiantBears · 13/12/2024 11:49

Mumteedum · 13/12/2024 09:45

I think that's an interesting point. The man would have to be a high earner to afford this situation these days. I suppose we will find some 'housewives' or whichever term you prefer on MN, for that reason. Those threads about what people's salaries are always astound me. I didn't realise I was so badly off!

The pps who said about women who work outside the home having to do all that stuff as well as a job make a good point. I suppose unless you earn a lot and you're outsourcing the childcare and cleaning etc, then lots of women are doing both jobs, like me.

It is not to denigrate the choice to work in the home, but it's flipping hard trying to do all of it. I'm a single parent so nobody else to do it. My house is somewhat untidy. I can't stay on top of it during the week. I feel overwhelmed by life admin sometimes on top of a full on job. Trying to get work done on the house is hard too, because I can't always be WFH.

When my mum was a housewife, the house was always tidy and clean, and things organised and home cooked meals every day. It's lovely really if you can have that. I was probably lucky as a kid, but then I saw the downsides too, especially when their marriage had a blip. Mum was terrified at the thought of getting a job. Dad was resentful at the pressure to be the sole earner at times.

As someone whose husband left me literally holding the baby, it is risky and you must have a big level of trust in your partnership. But not here to judge anyone's choice. As pp said, it is nobody's business. I just hadn't heard it for a long time and found it interesting to muse about it a bit.

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I think you are absolutely right about the financial aspect. I shouldn't go into our financial circumstances, but they are very significant in me being able to live this life.

Having said that, having a SEND child and chronic health problems also feed into the situation. If my child was well and I was well, I would like to have a job, but that's not possible right now.

Tarantella6 · 13/12/2024 11:52

One my male colleagues is 60ish and his wife hasn't worked since they got married. I'm sure she's not that unusual in that age group in not going back to work once the children were bigger.

Forgotmyraincoat · 13/12/2024 12:01

People who work full time are not doing all the things that you do when you’re at home. I don’t mean that as judgemental or negative comment at all but I get sick of people implying that because they can manage to keep the house clean and make sure kids are looked after etc, there is no benefit to being at home doing the bulk of the childcare and it’s a walk in the park. There are lots of benefits, especially for the children and it can be very hard at times. Plus a lot of people don’t find it easy to work full time and run the household. They are stressed out and overworked and exhausted trying to keep up with it all, especially if their partner doesn’t do an equal share.

Needmorelego · 13/12/2024 12:07

@Parker231 "homemaker".

Parker231 · 13/12/2024 12:10

Forgotmyraincoat · 13/12/2024 12:01

People who work full time are not doing all the things that you do when you’re at home. I don’t mean that as judgemental or negative comment at all but I get sick of people implying that because they can manage to keep the house clean and make sure kids are looked after etc, there is no benefit to being at home doing the bulk of the childcare and it’s a walk in the park. There are lots of benefits, especially for the children and it can be very hard at times. Plus a lot of people don’t find it easy to work full time and run the household. They are stressed out and overworked and exhausted trying to keep up with it all, especially if their partner doesn’t do an equal share.

If you work you still have to do everything at home. It doesn’t disappear from being needed to be done. Thankfully DH and I have always done an equal share - work, home and family.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 13/12/2024 12:16

SAHM is nonsense. I work from home so am a WFHM?

It's just a way of unemployed mums saying they 'work' too! (which is total crap when the kids go to school tbh....)

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 13/12/2024 12:18

Forgotmyraincoat · 13/12/2024 12:01

People who work full time are not doing all the things that you do when you’re at home. I don’t mean that as judgemental or negative comment at all but I get sick of people implying that because they can manage to keep the house clean and make sure kids are looked after etc, there is no benefit to being at home doing the bulk of the childcare and it’s a walk in the park. There are lots of benefits, especially for the children and it can be very hard at times. Plus a lot of people don’t find it easy to work full time and run the household. They are stressed out and overworked and exhausted trying to keep up with it all, especially if their partner doesn’t do an equal share.

Who does all the stuff that needs doing then? Working parents still have to do all the other life stuff - we just do it AND work.

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 13/12/2024 12:19

My friend had to put housewife on her marriage certificate, even though she isn't. Housewife implies she runs the household, and for various reasons she doesn't. But "looking for work" or "unemployed" weren't options. She's autistic and it really bothered her that it was wrong.

Needmorelego · 13/12/2024 12:19

@eqpi4t2hbsnktd "unemployed" really actually only applies to some who is actively seeking work and/or receiving unemployment benefits.
Someone who simply does not work in a paid job because they don't need to is not unemployed.
They are classed (in stuff like the census) as "not in paid employment" or "not working".
A SAHP or housewife doesn't count as being "unemployed".

Needmorelego · 13/12/2024 12:20

@imnotwhoyouthinkiam you don't have to put anything on the marriage certificate.
You can leave it blank.

Kia44 · 13/12/2024 12:22

CatContortionist · 13/12/2024 07:57

From the dictionary definition, I’d say a lot of women are still housewives, yes! And a bloody hard job it is, too.

A housewife is a woman whose primary role is managing her household. This typically includes responsibilities such as:
• Caring for the home: Cleaning, organizing, and maintaining a comfortable living space.
• Cooking and meal preparation: Planning and preparing meals for the family.
• Family management: Taking care of children, scheduling activities, and supporting family members’ needs.
• Budgeting: Managing household finances, paying bills, and shopping for groceries and other necessities.

Thank you, I do actually work part time but even when I was a SAHM with school age children I had much less free time than a woman in full time employment with no children. Just not as stressed and tired as many women with children working full time (with no additional help)

TwixForTea · 13/12/2024 12:45

@Kia44 that wasn’t my experience. Being a “sahm” was a breeze compared to working ft before kids - I guess it very much depends what your job and commute is like. Obviously your “free time” is distributed in a different way and often you have your kids with you during your free time.

I do really struggle to understand why being a full time housewife such hard work. I tried it for three years when I had a preschooler and yes, I was busy, but it was nothing like work.

And now I work ft and have two school age kids and I cannot imagine what I would do all day if the kids were at school and I was at home. We still eat home cooked food every day, still do extra curriculars and homework and pop to the park and have play dates.

What on earth do you do… do you all spend hours at the gym and doing organic vegetable gardening?!

I can’t imagine how the hours get filled.

my granny now SHE was a housewife. She walked to the market and grocers to get her food. She made her own butter and cheese. she washed laundry by hand and used a mangle. she swept and beat carpets weekly. She was a workhorse.

Its not like that now though is it? It’s not the labour it once was.

SouthLondonMum22 · 13/12/2024 12:56

Forgotmyraincoat · 13/12/2024 11:17

I was talking about people’s’ personal circumstances such as illness, disability etc. Personally, my partner doesn’t earn more than me because he’s a man. It is because I’m only capable of earning minimum wage or thereabouts and he is much better, educated and qualified than I am, so that’s not what I was saying at all.

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It might not be the only reason but it’s definitely part of it. Everyone is influenced by society to a certain extent.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 13/12/2024 13:03

I honestly don't understand how people can argue that it's harder to be a housewife with kids than someone who works full time with kids. Simple logic tells you that the person with more to do - has er... more to do!

SweetBobby · 13/12/2024 13:15

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 13/12/2024 13:03

I honestly don't understand how people can argue that it's harder to be a housewife with kids than someone who works full time with kids. Simple logic tells you that the person with more to do - has er... more to do!

That's really ignorant and not true at all.

Ohthatsabitshit · 13/12/2024 13:21

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 13/12/2024 13:03

I honestly don't understand how people can argue that it's harder to be a housewife with kids than someone who works full time with kids. Simple logic tells you that the person with more to do - has er... more to do!

Presumably it depends on their lifestyle and children and house and partners contribution. Do you imagine everyone lives just as you do?

MaybeALittle · 13/12/2024 13:21

SweetBobby · 13/12/2024 13:15

That's really ignorant and not true at all.

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It really is true, you know. There’s no need to be defensive,

Needmorelego · 13/12/2024 13:22

@eqpi4t2hbsnktd which one are you saying has more to do?
I'm confused.

MaybeALittle · 13/12/2024 13:22

GiantBears · 13/12/2024 11:47

I'm a housewife and I am happy and proud to be one. It's what I always wanted and I had to work hard to end up in a marriage in which that would be financially possible.

How did you have to ‘work hard to be in a marriage’ in which the other party agreed to you being economically inactive?

Upstartled · 13/12/2024 13:25

I think you must have an enormous chip on your shoulder if you object to how other people describe themselves.

Ohthatsabitshit · 13/12/2024 13:25

“Economically inactive” paints a slightly warped picture of how team partnering works though doesn’t it. You would have to add up all the money saved and then of course there would be the time and the “quality” to be factored in. On the whole people are good judges of what is worth it to them.

MaybeALittle · 13/12/2024 13:33

Ohthatsabitshit · 13/12/2024 13:25

“Economically inactive” paints a slightly warped picture of how team partnering works though doesn’t it. You would have to add up all the money saved and then of course there would be the time and the “quality” to be factored in. On the whole people are good judges of what is worth it to them.

Ok, ‘not generating income’?

CatContortionist · 13/12/2024 13:35

I can feel the condescension from here.

Needmorelego · 13/12/2024 13:38

This is another of those threads that I wonder do people really care that much what other people choose to do with their lives?
I don't.

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