Page 6 | Do housewives still exist?

Mumteedum · 2024-12-13T07:47:39+00:00

Had a funny moment in the supermarket this week where a lady was grumbling about something and we had a little small talk about how busy it is at Xmas and supermarket moving things so you can't find stuff. She referred to 'harassed housewives ' and I said 'yes and non housewives too'. She sort of apologised but I hadn't meant it to be as if I'd taken offense so made a joke of it all and all nice and fine, the end. But it just felt like a word from another era. I remember mum saying she was a housewife. Are there any housewives these days? I found it really odd that the lady would assume anyone was a housewife these days.

SweetBobby · 13/12/2024 13:45

MaybeALittle · 13/12/2024 13:21

It really is true, you know. There’s no need to be defensive,

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Who made you the authority?

I've worked and I've been a housewife. I had way, way more free time when I was working.

MaybeALittle · 13/12/2024 13:46

Needmorelego · 13/12/2024 13:38

This is another of those threads that I wonder do people really care that much what other people choose to do with their lives?
I don't.

I absolutely do. Frankly, every tradwife who thinks there’s no need for her to get any qualifications because she’s not going to work after she’s married, or who behaves as though obviously she’s the one who’s going to become a SAHP because hubbykins of course, earns more than she does (why might that be? Think very hard), or who behaves as though her career has suddenly become curiously optional the moment she has a baby are not making feminist choices, and are doing women a disservice. And because becoming economically dependent on the basis that the income-generator of the household will want to stay married to you is a dopey idea.

SweetBobby · 13/12/2024 13:48

MaybeALittle · 13/12/2024 13:46

I absolutely do. Frankly, every tradwife who thinks there’s no need for her to get any qualifications because she’s not going to work after she’s married, or who behaves as though obviously she’s the one who’s going to become a SAHP because hubbykins of course, earns more than she does (why might that be? Think very hard), or who behaves as though her career has suddenly become curiously optional the moment she has a baby are not making feminist choices, and are doing women a disservice. And because becoming economically dependent on the basis that the income-generator of the household will want to stay married to you is a dopey idea.

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People don't plan their lives around feminism. It's absolutely fine to aspire to be a housewife. It's still a vocation.

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 13/12/2024 13:49

TwixForTea · 13/12/2024 12:45

@Kia44 that wasn’t my experience. Being a “sahm” was a breeze compared to working ft before kids - I guess it very much depends what your job and commute is like. Obviously your “free time” is distributed in a different way and often you have your kids with you during your free time.

I do really struggle to understand why being a full time housewife such hard work. I tried it for three years when I had a preschooler and yes, I was busy, but it was nothing like work.

And now I work ft and have two school age kids and I cannot imagine what I would do all day if the kids were at school and I was at home. We still eat home cooked food every day, still do extra curriculars and homework and pop to the park and have play dates.

What on earth do you do… do you all spend hours at the gym and doing organic vegetable gardening?!

I can’t imagine how the hours get filled.

my granny now SHE was a housewife. She walked to the market and grocers to get her food. She made her own butter and cheese. she washed laundry by hand and used a mangle. she swept and beat carpets weekly. She was a workhorse.

Its not like that now though is it? It’s not the labour it once was.

I absolutely love being with my children full time, but I do find it quite hard work!

My children are 6, 4 and 1. One has SEN. I home educate the eldest two, so lots of hands-on teaching time as well as preparing the curriculum and having lots of trips out. They go to extra-curricular classes and groups, as well as playdates, but otherwise are all with me all of the time.

I cook three meals a day from scratch - I make most of the bread, the pasta, the sauces, the soups, the chutneys, etc. I grow lots of herbs and some fruit and vegetables.

I seem to spend a lot of time in the evenings mending, darning and altering clothes and the clothes nappies which are mostly on their fourth or fifth child.

I help out with caring for my father and my grandmother and try to help out with some other vulnerable people in the community.

It's nothing like the pressure from my old professional jobs. Most of the time our home is calm and happy. But it's still definitely hard work!

Parker231 · 13/12/2024 13:51

SweetBobby · 13/12/2024 13:48

People don't plan their lives around feminism. It's absolutely fine to aspire to be a housewife. It's still a vocation.

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It’s not a vocation - no training, qualifications or experience are required.

Upstartled · 13/12/2024 13:52

MaybeALittle · 13/12/2024 13:46

I absolutely do. Frankly, every tradwife who thinks there’s no need for her to get any qualifications because she’s not going to work after she’s married, or who behaves as though obviously she’s the one who’s going to become a SAHP because hubbykins of course, earns more than she does (why might that be? Think very hard), or who behaves as though her career has suddenly become curiously optional the moment she has a baby are not making feminist choices, and are doing women a disservice. And because becoming economically dependent on the basis that the income-generator of the household will want to stay married to you is a dopey idea.

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Gosh, you sound unhinged.

Dollybantree · 13/12/2024 13:54

I’m a housewife 👋

The dcs are older now and I could get a job I suppose but I don’t want to! I do a bit of volunteering and run our large house which takes up a lot of time and luckily my dh is appreciative and supportive bc it means he doesn’t have to lift a finger. I’m literally the only one I know in my friends/family though - it’s definitely an old fashioned thing!

Dollybantree · 13/12/2024 13:58

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 13/12/2024 13:49

I absolutely love being with my children full time, but I do find it quite hard work!

My children are 6, 4 and 1. One has SEN. I home educate the eldest two, so lots of hands-on teaching time as well as preparing the curriculum and having lots of trips out. They go to extra-curricular classes and groups, as well as playdates, but otherwise are all with me all of the time.

I cook three meals a day from scratch - I make most of the bread, the pasta, the sauces, the soups, the chutneys, etc. I grow lots of herbs and some fruit and vegetables.

I seem to spend a lot of time in the evenings mending, darning and altering clothes and the clothes nappies which are mostly on their fourth or fifth child.

I help out with caring for my father and my grandmother and try to help out with some other vulnerable people in the community.

It's nothing like the pressure from my old professional jobs. Most of the time our home is calm and happy. But it's still definitely hard work!

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Bloody hell, darning and cooking bread from scratch!? You really do sounds like you’re in the 1950’s! Good for you though if you enjoy it. I myself am far too lazy for all that and spend a good bit of time scrolling MN and watching tv!

CatContortionist · 13/12/2024 14:08

MaybeALittle · 13/12/2024 13:46

I absolutely do. Frankly, every tradwife who thinks there’s no need for her to get any qualifications because she’s not going to work after she’s married, or who behaves as though obviously she’s the one who’s going to become a SAHP because hubbykins of course, earns more than she does (why might that be? Think very hard), or who behaves as though her career has suddenly become curiously optional the moment she has a baby are not making feminist choices, and are doing women a disservice. And because becoming economically dependent on the basis that the income-generator of the household will want to stay married to you is a dopey idea.

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How feminist of you to judge and look down upon women who choose how they wish to live their lives.

Kia44 · 13/12/2024 14:09

TwixForTea · 13/12/2024 12:45

@Kia44 that wasn’t my experience. Being a “sahm” was a breeze compared to working ft before kids - I guess it very much depends what your job and commute is like. Obviously your “free time” is distributed in a different way and often you have your kids with you during your free time.

I do really struggle to understand why being a full time housewife such hard work. I tried it for three years when I had a preschooler and yes, I was busy, but it was nothing like work.

And now I work ft and have two school age kids and I cannot imagine what I would do all day if the kids were at school and I was at home. We still eat home cooked food every day, still do extra curriculars and homework and pop to the park and have play dates.

What on earth do you do… do you all spend hours at the gym and doing organic vegetable gardening?!

I can’t imagine how the hours get filled.

my granny now SHE was a housewife. She walked to the market and grocers to get her food. She made her own butter and cheese. she washed laundry by hand and used a mangle. she swept and beat carpets weekly. She was a workhorse.

Its not like that now though is it? It’s not the labour it once was.

As you say, it really depends on your job, kids, support structure etc. I’ve been away working full time and has felt absolutely amazing to have from finishing work until the next morning completely to myself and not even any housework to do (bar shopping and laundry for myself) As a single parent with 3 primary aged children I worked full time and my week was tiring but getting weekends free was awesome, I remember it as one day where I could just lay in bed/watch tv to recover and the next I was full of energy and time to do projects and other activities I could only dream of doing even when I was an SAHM with school aged children!

Needmorelego · 13/12/2024 14:10

@MaybeALittle blimey!
Chill a bit dear 😂

TwixForTea · 13/12/2024 14:18

@HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear

Well now I would call you a home educator; that’s a much bigger job! And one I wouldn’t take on.

You sound like you might end up very much like my mum - my db had a childhood illness so he wasn’t in school much and as a result she filled her life with amazing good deeds (scout leader, Sunday school leader, volunteer listening to kids read in school, carer for my granny when she finally became ancient) as well as having a 120foot garden full of fruit and veg. She didn’t own a dishwasher or a microwave and was an extraordinary cook. She could cut out material to make herself a dress without even using a pattern.

Those home-making skills are in many ways a dying art. I learned to darn, but I don’t bother with it. My daughter wouldn’t even know what darning is.

As for making chutney, yes I do sometimes but not in a way that is intended to actually sustain the family for any length of time: then again, mum and gran had a huge larder where they could store jams and preserves.

I think I could have enjoyed that way of life, very different to the one I ended up with

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 13/12/2024 14:20

Needmorelego · 13/12/2024 12:19

@eqpi4t2hbsnktd "unemployed" really actually only applies to some who is actively seeking work and/or receiving unemployment benefits.
Someone who simply does not work in a paid job because they don't need to is not unemployed.
They are classed (in stuff like the census) as "not in paid employment" or "not working".
A SAHP or housewife doesn't count as being "unemployed".

I looked it up... unemployed means "people who do not have a job that provides money"

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 13/12/2024 14:24

Needmorelego · 13/12/2024 13:22

@eqpi4t2hbsnktd which one are you saying has more to do?
I'm confused.

If we take 2 mums in the same situation (just go with it...)

Mum A has kids and a house and a husband and all the stuff that goes along with that.
Mum B has kids and a house and a husband and all the stuff that goes along with that AND 40 hours a week of paid work.

Not that tricky to work out....

Nothatgingerpirate · 13/12/2024 14:25

Yes, if course.
One here, 20+ years.
Wouldn't swap with anyone.
What is there to apologize for? The word Housewife? 😳

JaninaDuszejko · 13/12/2024 14:34

I'm mainly fascinated by the idea that someone who isn't in paid employment would still be harassed in December. Because this is the one month a year I do think we'd all benefit from having a 'homemaker' in the house to manage all the extra Christmas activities. And that's despite DH and I both pulling our weight and sharing the tasks and both in full time paid employment. Might as well carry on earning money then, at least that gives me the choice of paying for tasks to be done.

Homemaker is definitely a better term than housewife (married to the house) SAHP (limited lifespan), FT parent (offensive to those who WOH), tradwife (just no).

Cvn · 13/12/2024 14:39

I'm a midwife in an area with a high proportion of migrants from all over the world. We ask both parents' occupations at booking and I can tell you that there are many, many women who are housewives because they don't have the language skills to facilitate paid employment outside the home.

Cvn · 13/12/2024 14:40

Cvn · 13/12/2024 14:39

I'm a midwife in an area with a high proportion of migrants from all over the world. We ask both parents' occupations at booking and I can tell you that there are many, many women who are housewives because they don't have the language skills to facilitate paid employment outside the home.

I should clarify: the English language skills. Many of them speak 2 or 3 Asian or African languages, which does of course demonstrate linguistic skill.

crostini · 13/12/2024 14:43

I know lots of SAHMs and actually a fair few woman who are older and didn't go back to paid work after kids. Good on them I say!

Scentedjasmin · 13/12/2024 14:50

I'm a housewife. Or a SAHM if you prefer. I don't object to be called a housewife though as it conjures up slightly glamorous images of me with 1950s hair, a nipped in waist, some cocktails and valium at hand. Ok, so it's an outdated term but I don't take offence. I think that most people who know me realise that there's a bit more to me than just cleaning and servicing my husbands needs. If they don't know me, then i don't particularly care what they think anyway.

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 13/12/2024 15:02

Needmorelego · 13/12/2024 12:20

@imnotwhoyouthinkiam you don't have to put anything on the marriage certificate.
You can leave it blank.

Oh, well she (and the church administrator who helped her) obviously didn't realise that!

I think I'm listed as a housewife on dcs birth certificates, despite the fact I wasnt a wife

Needmorelego · 13/12/2024 15:27

@eqpi4t2hbsnktd "unemployed" the dictionary definition is different to the definition for legal forms such as insurance, census etc.
Still don't know which of the two mums you think has it busier.
The one working 40 hours a week (in a paid job) will be busy at her job for those 40 hours but that doesn't mean she any busier. Depends on the job.

Redsnowflakemug · 13/12/2024 15:34

Needmorelego · 13/12/2024 15:27

@eqpi4t2hbsnktd "unemployed" the dictionary definition is different to the definition for legal forms such as insurance, census etc.
Still don't know which of the two mums you think has it busier.
The one working 40 hours a week (in a paid job) will be busy at her job for those 40 hours but that doesn't mean she any busier. Depends on the job.

Edited

As I posted earlier I am a housewife, so absolutely no skin in the game on working parents vs stay at home parents. In my opinion both seem equally hard but in different ways and those ways can depend on a lot of different things. Of course there's some lucky ones in both groups who find it an absolute breeze and love it!

When my parent friends/family talk to me about their struggles or difficult times I absolutely do not judge them against each other and think we'll X has it harder than Y because X works or doesn't work etc.

NoBinturongsHereMate · 13/12/2024 15:45

JaninaDuszejko · 13/12/2024 14:34

I'm mainly fascinated by the idea that someone who isn't in paid employment would still be harassed in December. Because this is the one month a year I do think we'd all benefit from having a 'homemaker' in the house to manage all the extra Christmas activities. And that's despite DH and I both pulling our weight and sharing the tasks and both in full time paid employment. Might as well carry on earning money then, at least that gives me the choice of paying for tasks to be done.

Homemaker is definitely a better term than housewife (married to the house) SAHP (limited lifespan), FT parent (offensive to those who WOH), tradwife (just no).

Harassed as in having too much to do because it's nearly Xmas. Not harassed as in being harangued for being a housewife who ought to have a job.

Original poster

Mumteedum · 13/12/2024 15:59

Dollybantree · 13/12/2024 13:54

I’m a housewife 👋

The dcs are older now and I could get a job I suppose but I don’t want to! I do a bit of volunteering and run our large house which takes up a lot of time and luckily my dh is appreciative and supportive bc it means he doesn’t have to lift a finger. I’m literally the only one I know in my friends/family though - it’s definitely an old fashioned thing!

LOVE your username 😁 I get the reference.

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