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Original poster

Do housewives still exist?

261 replies

Mumteedum · 13/12/2024 07:47

Had a funny moment in the supermarket this week where a lady was grumbling about something and we had a little small talk about how busy it is at Xmas and supermarket moving things so you can't find stuff. She referred to 'harassed housewives ' and I said 'yes and non housewives too'. She sort of apologised but I hadn't meant it to be as if I'd taken offense so made a joke of it all and all nice and fine, the end.

But it just felt like a word from another era. I remember mum saying she was a housewife. Are there any housewives these days?

I found it really odd that the lady would assume anyone was a housewife these days.

OP posts:
SouthLondonMum22 · 20/02/2025 19:05

OutandAboutMum1821 · 20/02/2025 18:42

Hi,

I never said that. My friends are all working mothers who adore their children and are wonderful mothers. Surely that goes without saying? You are clearly triggered by Stay at Home Parents stating facts about their own experiences.

I can tell you things I do think/am sick of:

  • Being questioned constantly about when I’m going back to work. Being at work is not the sole purpose of life/only thing to value or show interest in about a person.
  • Telling people since I was a child that I was going to be a Stay at home mum and having everyone from teachers to peers not listen, question me, ridicule me, misunderstand me. So offensive. My own Mum was a stay at home mum, she made my childhood incredible! She is my greatest inspiration, if I can achieve half of what she did I’ll be happy.
  • Parents trying to make out their day is identical to mine when they are physically out of the house for the majority of their child’s waking hours. I would not dream of comparing my use of state school to a full time home educating parent, who takes that on themself. Zero jealousy, hugely admire their choice, hats off to them.
  • People assuming I’m a stay at home mum because I can’t afford childcare/hated my job. It is my unequivocal first choice. I don’t care if childcare is free, I had a successful teaching career, been there done the career. This for me is my dream life, my greatest passion, my life’s work. I will never dilute that enthusiasm to appease anybody! Own your choices, be loud and proud!
  • The term ‘working mother’- why am I not a working mother? If I transferred what I do next door, I’d be charging them 3 salaries!

Any further questions???

Show quote history

It was simply a question. No, of course it doesn't go without saying, I know what some posters think of working mothers on mumsnet.

I've been called sick for sending my baby to nursery
I've been called selfish and materalistic for wanting to have a career as a mother
I've been asked why I bothered having children just so someone else raise them

etc

SouthLondonMum22 · 20/02/2025 19:07

everychildmatters · 20/02/2025 19:02

@SouthLondonMum22 Oh yes, I know. If you're the poster I think you are, I think you're also working mum as I am who shares quite a few of my opinions re maintaining financial independence etc?

That's me! I thought you knew but I just wanted to make sure.

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 20/02/2025 19:09

OutandAboutMum1821 · 20/02/2025 07:15

You’re entitled to your opinion. I’m also entitled to describe myself as an intensive mother. I’ve always done everything ‘intensively’ as that’s my personality (studying my degree at Cambridge, whilst working as a teacher, as well as being a stay at home mother). I’m a pretty intense perfectionist!

I don’t like the term ‘default parent’ as being a SAHM is my first choice, a very active choice. I also don’t use the term ‘full-time parent’, as my husband is very much a full-time Dad despite working, he is their Dad every moment of the day. Others may prefer to use those terms, and that is up to them too.

Show quote history

Everything you've said just sounds like parenting to me. Describing it as intensively parenting makes it sound like you think you're doing something more/ better than others.

SouthLondonMum22 · 20/02/2025 19:12

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 20/02/2025 19:09

Everything you've said just sounds like parenting to me. Describing it as intensively parenting makes it sound like you think you're doing something more/ better than others.

Show quote history

That's the impression I got too.

OutandAboutMum1821 · 20/02/2025 19:16

SouthLondonMum22 · 20/02/2025 19:05

It was simply a question. No, of course it doesn't go without saying, I know what some posters think of working mothers on mumsnet.

I've been called sick for sending my baby to nursery
I've been called selfish and materalistic for wanting to have a career as a mother
I've been asked why I bothered having children just so someone else raise them

etc

Show quote history

I am sorry to hear that, those are certainly not my views. That’s awful. Here are some of my thoughts/things I admire about my many friends who also work:

  • How do you do it all? I’m genuinely impressed at how some of my friends are combining being teachers/police officers with being such fantastic mums. They have very intense paid jobs and are so interested in and present for their own children too.
  • I’m glad to know working mums who could advise me on how to manage if/when I go back to work. I’m actually looking into school hour options for when my youngest start school, and value the time and advice my working mum friends have so far shared with me on various options (WFH, flexible working, lots of things that are new to me).
  • I’ve always been aware that if my husband were to become ill or die I’d need to return to work, so I’ve tried to keep a hand in with school through being a governor/reading volunteer. I also saved a great deal of my own money before quitting my job as a back up. Both my husband and I actually had a parent die young, so saw how much my Mum and his Dad had to do alone. We try to take pressure off each other as far as possible due to our own experiences.
  • I am grateful to the many working Mums who have done so much to help my own children (nurses, GPS, teachers, baby group leaders, etc).
  • I have a working Mum friend of 1 child who helps me as a Mum of 2 with the school run when my youngest is ill. I in return look after her son when she’s on work calls. We should all pull together and help each other.

I wish you and your family well ☺️

caringcarer · 20/02/2025 19:33

My Mum was a housewife and made a bloody good career of it. All meals cooked from scratch, she also grew a lot of vegetables in the garden, baked twice a week, all laundry, all cleaning, took us to most appointments like dentists, swimming lessons etc, supervised our homework, tested us on spellings and other homework and she often looked after other people DC if they worked until their Mum got home. She went into school and listened to readers twice a week, helped out at every Brownies or Guides Xmas or summer fayre making them cakes and biscuits. She ironed. She loved being a housewife to 5 DC. I often thought she worked harder than anyone else I knew. I don't think many don't work outside of the house now unless they care for DC with disabilities.

PicturePlace · 20/02/2025 19:41

Surely "housespouse" is better than "houseperson" - it rhymes and everything!

PicturePlace · 20/02/2025 19:50

Isn’t that more ‘codependently wealthy’ then?

Genuine LOL

PicturePlace · 20/02/2025 20:01

So clearly one lots are struggling with, more support/advice possibly needed to help…

But they're clearly not struggling with it? It seems like it was really easy for most of them, and that nursery also supported.

Longma · 20/02/2025 20:54

I'd imagine most people would say SAHM rather than housewife, though assume they're the same thing really.

CatteryCatss · 20/02/2025 22:34

My Aunt still calls herself a housewife, even though she’s in her late 50s, her husband is retired and all of her children are in their 30s.

I don’t understand it, personally.

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