Do housewives still exist?

[Mumteedum]

Had a funny moment in the supermarket this week where a lady was grumbling about something and we had a little small talk about how busy it is at Xmas and supermarket moving things so you can't find stuff. She referred to 'harassed housewives ' and I said 'yes and non housewives too'. She sort of apologised but I hadn't meant it to be as if I'd taken offense so made a joke of it all and all nice and fine, the end.

But it just felt like a word from another era. I remember mum saying she was a housewife. Are there any housewives these days?

I found it really odd that the lady would assume anyone was a housewife these days.

I am one, though use Housewife/SAHM interchangeably. Same with friends of mine who are also Housewives/SAHMs. People's reactions can be very different depending on which one you use, and I don't feel I should have to justify my choices because I'm perfectly happy with them and its nobody's business ofher than mine and my DH's.

Yes I recall being listed as a housewife on some document. But it's now SAHP/SAHM.
I remember once being asked if I worked and I replied 'yes I work 24/7 as a mum to two kids'.

@ThisJollyLimeBird @PoupeeGonflable
You are both right. My DD was under 1 at the time and I think I actually said I was currently not working while daughter v little, but obviously it doesn't fit into their categories, which sound like they need updating perhaps. Anyway, I've been fully employed for 34 of the last 36 years of my working age life, so this no longer arises!

I think it's quite an outdated term these days, most women would be called a SAHM, but not sure what you would call a woman with grown up children or no children who doesn't work - housewife is probably the only thing that fits

Me too

I think that's an interesting point. The man would have to be a high earner to afford this situation these days. I suppose we will find some 'housewives' or whichever term you prefer on MN, for that reason. Those threads about what people's salaries are always astound me. I didn't realise I was so badly off!

The pps who said about women who work outside the home having to do all that stuff as well as a job make a good point. I suppose unless you earn a lot and you're outsourcing the childcare and cleaning etc, then lots of women are doing both jobs, like me.

It is not to denigrate the choice to work in the home, but it's flipping hard trying to do all of it. I'm a single parent so nobody else to do it. My house is somewhat untidy. I can't stay on top of it during the week. I feel overwhelmed by life admin sometimes on top of a full on job. Trying to get work done on the house is hard too, because I can't always be WFH.

When my mum was a housewife, the house was always tidy and clean, and things organised and home cooked meals every day. It's lovely really if you can have that. I was probably lucky as a kid, but then I saw the downsides too, especially when their marriage had a blip. Mum was terrified at the thought of getting a job. Dad was resentful at the pressure to be the sole earner at times.

As someone whose husband left me literally holding the baby, it is risky and you must have a big level of trust in your partnership. But not here to judge anyone's choice. As pp said, it is nobody's business. I just hadn't heard it for a long time and found it interesting to muse about it a bit.

Housespouse.

They're called tradwives now.

"At work I use ... Home duties for unmarried parents who don’t have dependant children."

This is interesting (I wonder what line of work that is?). Tracing my family tree, I have regularly come across the term "home duties" used on censuses to indicate women without a job (although, more often than not, that field was just left blank). It then later turned into "unpaid domestic duties" by the time of 1939.

It describes my DSIS 1 to a T. She hasn't worked outside the home since my nephew was born in 1997. Although there have been extenuating circumstances as BIL job has meant that at times they have lived overseas and she has not been allowed to work because she's not had the right papers.

I’ve noticed on the threads about sahms, people seem to be waiting for someone to come along and say yes, I’m a sahm/housewife, my husband is minted so we live off his money and I swan around getting manicures and going to the gym and feeling superior to working mothers. But no one ever does. The reality is that it’s very unusual to be at home by choice just because you can afford not to work. In most cases, the circumstances are complicated and that is just the way that things have worked out. A lot of people on here seem to believe that everyone is capable of earning the same as their husband or partner as well. My dh is way more educated than I am, from a completely different background. Any job I could do would earn a pittance compared to what he can make anyway.

Nowadays we seem to be dropping words while on our way to Utopia.

Not as much as they used to. I agree with pp’s that SAHM is used more now.

Generally I love different regions having different words, but this is a case where I'd love us to adopt an American term: homemaker.

Homemaker covers not only all the care of the children and related work, but also the housework. And it's more than that - it acknowledges that it's doing something a little more than being the unpaid nanny and unpaid housekeeper - it's making a home.

And it can still be just as true of women without children, or with children who have grown up and moved away, or when who can't do all the physical housework themselves owing to disability or other reasons.

It doesn't imply that the woman never goes out (I'm technically only a SAHM when one of my children is too ill to leave the house!).

I've never loved the term "housewife", because it almost implies there could be another wife not at home!

My children are young so I actively "mother" them full time, but I try to avoid the term "full time mother", because I know it's not a helpful term for mothers who work outside the home to hear. (I use it here for comparison).

So it full-time homemaker were an option on forms, I'd choose it every time.

It isn’t just the way things have worked out though, is it? It isn’t a coincidence that men tend to earn more than women and if anyone stays at home, it is almost always the woman.

I guess they kind of do!

My plan was to be a SAHM until my children hit school age (having previously had a 'career' rather than just a job of that makes sense).

Both of my children have additional needs. It is a constant, daily (and I mean constant, not just sometimes) battle to ensure they have the right support and also to meet those needs at home after school.

They both school age now, and technically I'm a housewife as in I am not employed or in receipt of benefits, and DH is the breadwinner. We are fortunate that he has a well paid job.

But whilst my 'free' six hours a day do include 'keeping house', they also include all of the various different medical appointments, meetings with school, reviews of their support, appeals, blah blah blah.

I also volunteer on the side which sounds like a mad thing to do given how much other stuff I have on, but it actually keeps me sane and gives me some much needed and more positive adult interaction.

But to look at me not knowing all of this, you'd see a 'housewife' who is at home living the life of riley whilst her children are at school, I'm sure.

I was talking about people’s’ personal circumstances such as illness, disability etc. Personally, my partner doesn’t earn more than me because he’s a man. It is because I’m only capable of earning minimum wage or thereabouts and he is much better, educated and qualified than I am, so that’s not what I was saying at all.

So I'm also a housewife along with my FT job - I think there's lots of others like this too!

I don't work and have no kids, so I'm a housewife. The title doesn't bother me in the slightest.

Do you object to any word which describes a relationship to something else then?

Well said.

Homemaker covers not only all the care of the children and related work, but also the housework. And it's more than that - it acknowledges that it's doing something a little more than being the unpaid nanny and unpaid housekeeper - it's making a home.

Working parents also make a home.

Gosh, you're hitting me with the big philosophical guns! Maybe reread what I said.

Once my daughter started school, I classed myself as a housewife, and always gave this as my occupation if I was asked.

I wonder what the term would be for someone not married?