Do housewives still exist?

[Mumteedum]

Had a funny moment in the supermarket this week where a lady was grumbling about something and we had a little small talk about how busy it is at Xmas and supermarket moving things so you can't find stuff. She referred to 'harassed housewives ' and I said 'yes and non housewives too'. She sort of apologised but I hadn't meant it to be as if I'd taken offense so made a joke of it all and all nice and fine, the end.

But it just felt like a word from another era. I remember mum saying she was a housewife. Are there any housewives these days?

I found it really odd that the lady would assume anyone was a housewife these days.

Being called a housewife wouldn’t bother me at all. Guess I’m just old fashioned. As it is I work, but if I win the lottery and give up I’ll be a housewife.

You’re entitled to your opinion. I’m also entitled to describe myself as an intensive mother. I’ve always done everything ‘intensively’ as that’s my personality (studying my degree at Cambridge, whilst working as a teacher, as well as being a stay at home mother). I’m a pretty intense perfectionist!

I don’t like the term ‘default parent’ as being a SAHM is my first choice, a very active choice. I also don’t use the term ‘full-time parent’, as my husband is very much a full-time Dad despite working, he is their Dad every moment of the day. Others may prefer to use those terms, and that is up to them too.

I find the term 'SAHM' a bit odd once the children are school age, though I can see why some don't want be called a 'housewife' (even though I feel that's exactly what they are). In that sense I could be WFHM while my children are at school but that would be a very strange thing to say.
I always interpreted 'housewife' literally as 'married to the house' meaning a woman who takes care of all household affairs, so it doesn't matter whether they're actually married or not as that's not what the 'wife' bit means to me.
Perhaps the term 'homemaker' is better.
If we could afford it (including paying into a decent pension for me) I would do it. I would love to be more involved with the community and would be happy to manage the household.

Lots of women don't work, OP, even when the kids are in school, so yes, there are absolutely loads of housewives. It's a term that's fallen out of use, though. People tend to use SAHM if they have young children. What do people call themselves if they don't work and they don't have children, or if their children have grown up? Unemployed only really applies if you're looking for work, I believe.

Well because housewife or SAHM usually comes up in the context of "what do you do?" So most of us would talk about our jobs and careers, and people who don't work need something to describe their role.

Interestingly the term ‘housewive’ was actually far more about prioritising and tending to one’s husband then the house then the children. So traditional housewives would hugely prioritise hosting their husband’s work colleagues, going on regular date nights, holidaying alone with their husbands. Adult time and the marriage came first. Children were sent outside to play freely with each other whilst housewives cooked and cleaned. There was a much greater sense of separation between adults and children than there is today. Find it all fascinating from a history perspective.

The community involvement as a homemaker is great- I’m a school governor and able to help my elderly neighbours and working mum friends after school. I can help our parents when ill/feed cats etc. I’ve got to know people locally in a different way to pre-kids and feel really connected.

I wish you well if you get the opportunity someday ☺️

I would love to be a housewife, unfortunately have to work full time. Also I hate the phrase "full time mum" for those who stay at home and don't work- I'm a full time mum too, I also have a full time job!

I worked with a fella whose wife was a housewife, their kids were grown but she was still at home. I found it really odd as he was only earning £35k so I was pretty shocked that was enough for a household. But they were older so I guess mortgage free. I remember during Covid he'd be in the kitchen and the washing machine was always on or she'd be busy in the background and I thought how much she must have been hating having him at home!!

I like 'housewife'. I'm not one, but it has traditional connotations of someone who looks after their home, children and partner, which in the past was something many women took great pride in doing. Yes, many of us now combine this with working outside the home, but to be sneery about it denigrates the effort and love generations of housewives have put in to making the lives of their families comfortable and easy. In my mind 'housewife' is different to 'can't be arsed to do anything other than lie on the sofa in my pyjamas and eat Pringles' (which may be its modern manifestation) it suggests someone who works really hard to keep everything and everyone running as they should.

Edited for typos

Damn, I wish I had sent mine to the nursery your friends used. I still had to potty train them!

I can only go on what I’ve been told…

One friend said she used pull-ups when at home as it was less hassle.

Another said she ‘couldn’t be bothered’ and that pre-school could initiate/sort it whilst there.

I’ve also had SAHM’s say the same thing, they find it too stressful.

So clearly one lots are struggling with, more support/advice possibly needed to help…

Don't bother with potty training at all.. wait until they're in Reception year at school and then expect the school staff to deal with it(!)
@SouthLondonMum22 You potty trained your child AND worked?!! How is this even possible?!! 😉

Intensity is over the top - raising a family is an intense thing for everyone. All parents are home making in wanting to make the best home for their family. Its not unique to SAMP’s.

Unless there is a medical reason I don’t think children should be going to school if they aren’t potty trained. Dealing with nappies shouldn’t be the role or responsibility of a teacher

I think she was joking.....
(I hope 😬)

I agree that of course all parents find it an intense experience. There is a key difference as a SAHP in the intensity of hours directly interacting and being hands on with your children. I am directly responsible for the day-to-day care 24/7 of both my children, so my hours are more intense than my husband’s, who is out of the house working for 8-10 hours a day, or than if I was working out of the house, as I physically wouldn’t be there. You cannot physically be in 2 places at once, it’s impossible.

I’ve taken this role over the past 7 years more seriously than anything I’ve ever done, put my whole heart, time and energy into it, so for me it has been an intense experience, and nobody has the right to define how I have experienced that apart from me. You are free to disagree and define your own experience as you wish, but not to dictate how I define mine.

Do you think working parents don’t take it seriously or don’t put their whole heart into it?

@Needmorelego Yes, I was being sarcastic.
20 years a primary teacher (now out of it - woohoo) and the stance of "I simply can't be bothered to potty train my neurotypcial/physically healthy child - I'll leave it up to school" is appalling.
Same goes for teeth cleaning.
Basic parenting.
Yet another reason for the teacher/TA recruitment and retention crisis.

My post wasn’t serious either, just in case you thought it was.

Of course I expected to potty train my own child.

Hi,

I never said that. My friends are all working mothers who adore their children and are wonderful mothers. Surely that goes without saying? You are clearly triggered by Stay at Home Parents stating facts about their own experiences.

I can tell you things I do think/am sick of:

• Being questioned constantly about when I’m going back to work. Being at work is not the sole purpose of life/only thing to value or show interest in about a person.
• Telling people since I was a child that I was going to be a Stay at home mum and having everyone from teachers to peers not listen, question me, ridicule me, misunderstand me. So offensive. My own Mum was a stay at home mum, she made my childhood incredible! She is my greatest inspiration, if I can achieve half of what she did I’ll be happy.
• Parents trying to make out their day is identical to mine when they are physically out of the house for the majority of their child’s waking hours. I would not dream of comparing my use of state school to a full time home educating parent, who takes that on themself. Zero jealousy, hugely admire their choice, hats off to them.
• People assuming I’m a stay at home mum because I can’t afford childcare/hated my job. It is my unequivocal first choice. I don’t care if childcare is free, I had a successful teaching career, been there done the career. This for me is my dream life, my greatest passion, my life’s work. I will never dilute that enthusiasm to appease anybody! Own your choices, be loud and proud!
• The term ‘working mother’- why am I not a working mother? If I transferred what I do next door, I’d be charging them 3 salaries!

Any further questions???

This, I feel SAHM is for people whose children aren't in full day school yet. Once the youngest is in school full days, I'd class it as unemployed/not working. This will obviously be for a whole host of reasons. People have to do what is right for them, and their families.

How old are your DC’s?

6 and 3.

Plenty of them around, especially the ones in their 60’s-70s who have their nails and hair done once a week, take the dog for a walk, and have the grandkids over occasionally. Oh, they have a cleaner too, and a gardener.

@SouthLondonMum22 Oh yes, I know. If you're the poster I think you are, I think you're also working mum as I am who shares quite a few of my opinions re maintaining financial independence etc?