The midnight cuppa

[Themidnightcuppa]

Went to bed at 9.30pm and woke at midnight, just me here tonight so I can do as I please so it’s tea and toast and a scroll.

this is becoming a bit of a habit waking up for a cuppa, a scroll, and then going back to bed, am I the only one?

Early Morning all. Boy am I fed up of this being awake, fortunately I had a couple of hours on the sofa earlier but I’d been up since 4am having given Dave his 4am pain relief, yawn, then I couldn’t get back to sleep. Two hours until his next lot now, definitely seen an improvement today which is a huge relief.

We buried DH on Thursday, I had a cuppa sitting in bed this morning as the sun came up and the birds were tweeting madly and have returned to sitting on the roofs of the houses opposite. I sat and wrote two lists, one was fun things I want to do and get back into and one a bit more practical, starting with planting my sprouting bulbs.

Tomorrow I am going to book a hobby holiday a friend is going on in September and she’s suggested I go with her.

Thinking of you @Themidnightcuppa. I'm hoping that you're feeling better - so far as you can - now that you've had the funeral?

I remember that I found my husband's funeral service a positive experience - it was the planning and anticipation of it all that was stressful. (There was a month's wait, partly because it happened during lockdown.) I remember thinking that I needed to get through that.

The hobby holiday sounds like an excellent plan.

Hi @Themidnightcuppa , I have only just found your thread , it sounds like you and DH had a wonderful loving relationship, I am so sorry for your loss.
My DH died almost 7 years ago and while it's true that it does get easier some days are still bloody hard.

I also use to have a farty dog , he was called jack I dont think he farted more than average but by god when he did it was foul , I could taste it ! 🤢

I have ( mostly) only read your post so apologies if this has already been mentioned but do you know about bereavement benefit ?
This is a payment that can be claimed by you from the government.
It is not means tested in any way and won't affect any other benefits that you may be claiming.
The money is paid directly into your bank account either as a lump sum or monthly payment , you choose which one .
You need to have / set up a government gateway account which is a bit time consuming but useful for lots of different things.
Then fill in the benefit form which is straight forward and easy.
I opted for the monthly payments and put it towards my rent but you can use it for absolutely anything.

https://www.gov.uk/bereavement-support-payment/eligibility

On a much lighter note, come over to the Happy place cafe , this was set up by @sashh for fellow insomniacs and early risers and has been running for a few years now.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/the-wide-awake-club/5072086-the-happy-place-cafe-is-still-open-as-is-at-tilllys-dog-wash

Thank you, yes DH and I had the most wonderful relationship xx

im ok at home because he wasn’t here so much in the last few months but the minute I go out I find it soooo hard.

thanks too regarding the bereavement payment, I have claimed it but only sort of by accident, when I rang HMRC to stop DH’s state pension I asked about widow’s pensions but the very helpful but not English as a first language person I spoke to said no, by accident about something else he wrongly transferred me to someone in his same team who then realised he hadn’t told me about it.

I was also told as I approach state retirement age I should mention my DH’s passing and I believe I will get a bit more in my pension but this was told to me by not English as first language person so maybe not correct.

I also found out by accident.

Phoned up to tell one person that DH had died.

Then I got the death certificate - with the following day given as the date. My brain won't work now...I think he died 10.20 pm, but I guess it might have been 11.20, though I don't think so.

Did what I could, though I knew it was hopeless in between trying to get through to 999. Then the paramedics took ages to get here and did what they could before they called it.

I didn't realise that he'd officially died the next morning, so phoned back the DWP when I got the death certificate and got a different person, a young man. He asked my age and said "Do you realise that you're entitled to Bereavement whatever...? I'd never heard of it.

I hesitated and he said "It's not means tested.."

"I guess I could use it towards the funeral..."

"You can use it for anything. I'll sort out the forms for you."

I would never had known had it not been for him. It was a big help, I have to say.

@Themidnightcuppa it's frustrating when you can get the help that you need isn't it.
I am you managed to find it snd get it sorted tho.

Have you head of 'tell us once' its also on the gov website, you fill in the required details and they past all the info on to who ever needs to know , pension scheme, banks , council tax , benefits, etc.
Unfortunately it's not available in all areas ( I couldn't use it ) but it's useful for those that can.

@WearyAuldWumman , like you i only found out by chance, I found out because a friend's wife had died the year before and he told me.
It's a shame it's not more widely known about.
I always want to post the above link on the bereavement page but it seems a bit insensitive sometimes.

@ScottBakula

Yes, I'd never heard of it.

I used the "Tell them Once" but there was something that didn't quite work out. Turned out that the registrar had entered the wrong house number on the form. I managed to get it corrected, but I can't remember how. (The correct number was on the Death Certificate, however.)

This was during lockdown, so everything was done over the phone.

I steered well clear of tell them once as a friend had a really bad experience but I can’t remember what she said went wrong but it caused a lot of problems.

the bereavement payments is paying for Dave’s vets bills, jeez, they are an arm and a leg a leg, another £90 yesterday, but they say he’s definitely on the mend and an operation shouldn’t be necessary which I am heartily glad about as they were quoting five grand.

Dave’s farting is much improved since I started him on yogurt the other day.

Five grand?! Ruddy heck!

Any specific kind of yoghurt? Asking cough for a friend...

Kefir (Dave has natural yogurt but other flavours are available, and it’s the yogurt you need for flatulence).

Thank you! :)

Hope you’re all sleeping well, I’ve had family staying this weekend but they went early evening and Dave and I watched TV and I had at least four cups of tea and watched the very first Grand Designs.

Tomorrow I’ve decided to batch cook a few meals I like, cooking for one is a job I’ve decided I do not like and come 5pm it’s too cold to stand in the kitchen stirring things. We had roast lamb today and there’s lots left, thinking on a proper shepherds pie for tomorrow and fancy digging out an old curry recipe DH didn’t like that I did, so I can have leftovers in a coronation chicken sandwich.

Dave was a bit miffed he didn’t get the rest of the lamb but DC1 is very picky so lots left on their plate for him, plus a few sprouts, I pushed his basket to the other side of the lounge tonight just in case. lol.

The batch cooking is a good plan.

I really can't be bothered cooking for one, so I've done the occasional bit of batch cooking. Need to up this.

I've been eating out too much and went through an unhealthy take-away phase. I tried taking advantage of Iceland's pensioner discount day but...nope. It doesn't agree with me. (Too much gluten and dairy in the sauces, I think.)

Now trying to get back to regular batch cooking.

I didnt realise that the tell us once scheme was so bad.
Of all the times you need things to just work the way they should this is definitely high on the list.

I do a lot of batch cooking and freezing on a Sunday, I generally make 3 different things like curry , chilli , speg bol , i make enough each for 3 / 4 light lunches for work . Then when I get home I take out 2 of the same type of meal for my tea.
I also batch cook and frezze rice in individual portions.
I use tescos extra small zip lock snack bags for each portion of the meal and each portion of rice.
If you do this make sure you label the meals clearly ( use masking tape it's better and cheaper than frezzer lables)
Put the 1st layer in your frezzer then cover them with kitchen roll / baking paper/ tin foil to stop them sticking together.

I hope Dave continues to recover and doesn't gas you out of house and home later. 💨💨💨

Darn it. Haven’t even been to sleep tonight although I was definitely asleep earlier when trying to watch the new Bergerac on the tv.

just been down and got my cuppa, Dave is snoring well in the kitchen, he’s still not right but hopefully heading in the right direction.

I had a Ginsters pastie, mashed swede and baked beans for dinner. That was my can’t be arsed and I need to eat some of the freezer dinner. It wasn’t as bad as feared. Out to Lunch tomorrow so I’ll have something then and then it’s my Dads birthday on Saturday so I’m doing his favourite roast beef as I’ve got a joint in the freezer.

just binge watched the latest Kirstie and Phil Love it or List it as somehow managed to miss there had been a new series and now have huge dejunking aspirations after watching Sort your life out. Only aspirations mind, not actually done anything, although did throw away two chipped mugs the other day and now the door on the cupboard closes better.

hopefully you’re all sleeping well

Love to hear your updates, and glad that (not farty) Dave is on the mend.

I'm up feeding baby, who's now 2 months, and I'm finally able to do so from my own bed! Until 2 days ago she resolutely refused to be put down upstairs, be that in the co-sleeper or bed. She's finally allowed it, so now I get to sleep in a bed instead of on a (luckily very comfortable) couch!

@Themidnightcuppa do you think you'll do any dejunking? I find it very satisfying, listing things for collection and having people come who want to give them a new home. I've found that people will come and take almost anything!

Enjoy your lunch today, and your dinner with your Dad tomorrow.

Did Dad his roast which he thoroughly enjoyed and there’s a fair bit left so I can have sarnies tomorrow for lunch and Dave got some as well. I made a cake for the birthday boy with candles and everything because my dad never had birthday cakes as a child and even at 82 he gets very excited about it.

after dad went I did look in some rooms and cupboards because I’ve lost the power adapter for a bit of kit I want to use but then closed them all up again and spent a few wasted hours watching the dire Brit Awards and following a post on here about how crap it was, although I was more flabbergasted about the dress, or rather lack of it, sheer elegance has been taken to a new meaning.

can’t get to sleep as my hip is hurting something rotten, so just got up and had pain killer which I always only take with food so had Nutella on toast with a cuppa, Dave decided after my sitting down he wanted to go out and have a sniff round the garden and wouldn’t come in so now I’m cold as well, I’m going o be heading right back to bed in a moment and seeing if an episode of Lucy Worsley will send me off to sleep.

@CatCaretaker i love a good list, I think that’s an excellent idea, I did it a few years ago and sold a few things and it paid for DH and I to have ice creams on holiday. Glad you’re back in your own bed.

I've just read how dyer the Brit awards were(pun intended)
Danny Dyer hardly the voice of reason.

I nearly always have an hour or two awake in the middle of the night. Sometimes it's tea and toast, sometimes tea, cheese and crackers, sometimes just reading book or phone. I used to worry about not sleeping but it doesn't seem to affect me in the day. It's a terrible time if I've got other things to worry about though.

Sleep pattern went to pot Thursday night. Went to bed at a decent hour, but was still wide awake at 4.

Going to head to bed now.

Still awake. Fortunately I’ve got a quiet day tomorrow. I’ve munched Nutella on toast and I’ve a cuppa here with me in bed.

poked around is a few drawers today and threw away about half of each drawer. Quite satisfying but since laying here I’ve decided that some of the things I didn’t chuck I should have so tomorrow they can join the rest. At least forty 3..5 inch computer disks went in the bin, I kept another ten, why? I have no idea!

I found the map of Germany DH was annoyed he couldn’t find, it’s been missing at least 8 years, I chucked it as I won’t be driving there to see relatives again, I’ll go on the train or fly.

I did a huuuge dejunk of my bedroom on Sunday, totally cleared it all to a spare bedroom where I'm popping in a few times a day to try and deal with it, I’ll have to get my skates on as I’ve a friend coming to stay in a few weeks but I’m determined it’s not being dumped back in my room.

the sun has shone nicely for a couple of days and Dave and I went for a lovely walk and met a few neighbours who stopped to chat so we didn’t get very far but were gone a while. Dave was very waggy tail and loved being petted by the man round the corner who I call Mr Gravybones - not to his face - as even after three years of chatting I don’t know his name. 🤦‍♀️ but he’s always got a gravy bone for Dave. So tonight was a smelly evening in front of the tv. Even Dave had the grace to look ashamed at the stink.

hope everyone is getting a few zzzzzzz’s, im ready to try again, nighty nite xx

I dragged the recycling bin up to the front door, they are not due until Tuesday but I’m determined to fill it to the brim. Most of the 20 or so slimming world mags went in first then lots of other random mags which we get every month for being in various things, so many months of unread stuff that still won’t be read so out it went. Then a bag of Christmas cards from 2021 - I used to cut them up for tags but as I’ve still got 2023 I don’t need loads. It was past midnight when I last put stuff in the bin so thought I’d better stop in case I disturbed the neighbours.

Made a scrumptious curry earlier from scratch and froze several portions and am mulling a trip down stairs for Nutella on toast as I'm a bit hungry.

Tomorrow the weathers ok here and I’ve decided its the gardens turn as the other bin on Tuesday is the garden refuse one. Wondering if I can get the mower going, not sure I’ve ever mowed the lawn since we got a petrol one. My DD has a fancy one which mows it itself, the grand kids named it Mavis (the mower) - might investigate that. I inherited my mums robotic hoover which she called Peter. My family seems to have this weird thing for naming objects, mums car was called Peggy, and their camper van Vince. Mines called Mini (but that’s what it is, lol).

Dave’s not keen on Peter, he stands looking at it with an air of what’s this thing without a tail bashing my basket all about.

How are you getting on with your decluttering? Did you manage to mow the lawn?
Hope you are keeping well.
my (almost) 7 month old is in her big girl cot for the first time tonight so the semi-sleepless night made me think of you and your brews xx

I have managed a huge de cluttering but I have not mowed the lawn. Funny you should bring it up because I looked at it today and thought I might but instead I pulled a lot of green gunk from the pond as the fish looked as if they hardly had anywhere left to swim.

I’ve hardly had a bad night but I’m exhausted as there’s been a ridiculous amount to do after DH’s passing, a bit outing to say but basically I’m working on it all day and only scratching the surface. My DC’s are both coming next week to help. I’d love to fast forward six months and find some peace and quiet.

Dave had an unexpected op the other day and I'm hoping he will be better soon.

I hope your little girls sleeps well in her cot, the months are dashing by, don’t blink she’s be 21 before you know it. One of mine is pregnant at 30 and I told her she wasn’t old enough to have a baby 😂