Can I ask my kids to pay towards Xmas food shop.

[I4gotmyname]

Would it be bad if I asked my 3 oldest, to give me 15.00 each towards the Xmas food shop. And ask them to pay for the alcohol. As I don't drink.

I'm struggling a bit this year . Not to a massive extent. But a bit of help would be nice. I feel bad though because they are my kids.

To add - I would never, ever consider, or expect to even know, the financial situation of every guest, in order to decide whether I should ask for money from them to host them a meal.

Either I'm happy to host, or I'm not.

How do you know the ins and outs of all your kids financial circumstances? I don't really think it's your business if they're all adults, especially ones living independently.

It sounds to me like you've build up some resentment about the amount of money they get, and them eating at yours, using gas/electricity, and taking food back home with them. My mums genuinely very poor and just would never. You are their mum.

Stop them taking food from your house, stop feeding them as much at other times - yes, Christmas dinner contribution, no, in my genuine opinion. It's the time of giving, not taking. But, it does go for them as well. It sounds like they're overall taking a bit much, and it's getting to you. In which case, just stop.

An interesting read, but can the prices be accurate? A jar of honey sounds unlikely at 75p nowadays; also enough potatoes for six people at 1.29. A link to a shop would be helpful.

No. you make it clear before they come tnhat they need to contribute.
No-one needs last minute costs,

Tescos has a 75p one, I bought it recently it’s from there value range the fake farm name one.

I'd just ask gently. 'I lobe you, so excited to have you for Xmas and cook up a storm. But I'm struggling with money to pay for the food and drinks this year. I'd be very grateful fir a £15 contribution to help out so I can make everything lovely for us all. But of course no matter what you're always welcome for Christmas.'

@SoNiceToComeHomeTo I have no idea, I was more meaning this article about budget lunch is pricing just a main for 6 at £20 and that’s no turkey. Add on a starter, desserts, cheeseboard, drinks, crackers, napkins, a tub of sweets etc it’s not cheap.

Oh please can I come shopping with you!!!

Get real, she has to feed at least 8 people on that. Herself, three adult kids, two grandkids and she has kids at home herself.

Large chicken £6 -£6.19 miniscule rations for 8 people
Bag of potatoes £2 -£1.90
Carrots 89p -£0.89
Sprouts £1 -£1.80 90p x 2 there are 8 people
Parsnips £1 -£0.75
Stuffing £1 -£1.00
Gravy £1 -£1.00
Christmas cake £5 -£7.00
Mince pies £1 -£2.00 (8 mince pies needed Nectar offer)
Cream £1 -£2.00 ( 2 x single cream - 8 people!!!)

Plus
Milk/Tea Coffee, Alcohol for adults, pop for a least 4 kids, gas/elec etc. if they are there for the whole day, how about the other meal too?

I think it’s ok to ask people to bring their own booze, and to ask the two adults for a contribution if you are struggling , but I can’t agree with asking a 17 year old to give you money…still a child

alternatively be upfront about the money situation this year and ask if people are happy with a simpler/cheaper Christmas meal

I wouldn’t unless I absolutely had to, & it doesn’t sound that’s the case for you. I’d tell them to bring their own alcohol but it really doesn’t have to be expensive to do a roast.

Ah yes, quite. I thought it was a bit hopeful even to get the main course for that especially if there are big eaters invited. I suppose the desert could be a pack of knock-down mince pies and a box of celebrations, but even so.

The people posting 'I would never charge my kids' are posting from a place of privilege. Every family is different. People are saying tell one DC to get crackers instead of paying £15 also don't get it. £15 on crackers is not possible for everyone. £15 for pudding is also not possible for everyone.

OP knows her budget and likely knows she can make £45 go further than some pudding and crackers.

I’d defo charge the oldest 2, wouldn’t be able to charge the the 17 year old though, he’s essentially a kid until 18. I personally wouldn’t feel right charging him. My DS is almost 17, he also has pip, he pays for his phone and iPad as he wanted specific tariffs etc, I pay for all his food unless he wants something specific or a takeaway outside of when I’m buying a takeaway. I just wouldn’t feel right charging him for Christmas dinner.

Ok. But my ds gets pip and uc. And I still pay for his phone. Ds also helps himself to what he wants food/meals wise. Plus takes food back to his accommodation. Ds is 18 in March. So I'm doing simlar to you even though I'm on a low income . Xmas period costs more than a standard day . You are saying your ds pays for his phone and tablet. My ds does not. I'm asking for a one of 15.00 which is very likely to be much less than what your ds is paying.

When I was 16 my mum was very hard up and said she couldn't afford all the usual extra treats that Christmas, so I put in £30 from my weekend job to pay for them. It was my choice, she didn't ask, but I was happy to do it so we could all enjoy our normal Christmas.

I think it's fine @I4gotmyname , lots of people on MN haven't a bloody clue. Your kids are adults too, I was still at school and was fine with it.

So is everybody in your house on benefits ?

@I4gotmyname does any body in your household work ?

He needs to start paying for his own phone.

Take him to do a weekly shop where he spends his own money on snacks.

He has £650 disposable income per month, I’d encourage him to use it.

I imagine the supermarkets will be doing their 19p veg promotion - carrots, parsnips and sprouts shortly. Bulk your dinner out with those!

That leaves you as the woman who decided to have all those children. It's a dinner, they can bring their own booze but if you can't afford it then don't host.

Also struggling to see how 3 "adult" children can't go to the shops in the next 3 weeks when they all live alone. They must be going to the shop anyway.

I think it sounds absolutely fine. A close family would be happy to do this IMO. I would be mortified if a family member of mine was struggling to provide xmas dinner and didn't ask for everyone to contribute.

It is the OP is struggling for money. The adult DC aren't short of money so of course they should contribute.

So just because OP had children she is responsible for cooking them a free Christmas dinner all their adult lives?

Things are tight for her, it’s perfectly reasonable to ask her dc to contribute to the cost.

My DS pays monthly for his phone however we brought the phone for his birthday and paid a fair chunk upfront so he’s basically just paying for his airtime. His air pad is not a necessity that’s why he pays and he’s been through about 6 in 6 years which we’ve bore the brunt for, but he breaks them easily so he pays now and funnily enough he’s a lot more careful with it. You asked were you wrong to ask, I basically just said I personally wouldn’t, your kid, there’s no right or wrong answer here, just a choice you have to make and live with.

I don't really like the idea of it personally, but I ask people to bring their drinks and sometimes desserts/starters etc, I think you are being slightly obtuse about them buying things to bring, like a christmas pudding, cheese board, alcohol etc.. They must go shopping and buy things for themselves? So why would it be such a big deal buying things for dinner?? They don;t have to go out at 3pm on Christmas eve to buy them.

Christmas puddings, cracker, cheese, frozen desserts and alcohol all have extra long dates that you would be able to buy at any time tagged on to the shopping.

If people don't want to be bothered with the shops then ask them for the monetary contribution instead. They should absolutely be paying for their own alcohol anyway, whether they bring it or you get it and they pay for it.

Alcohol is expensive and if someone else is paying for it I would definitely drink a lot more than if I was paying for it myself. I would tell DC you are only buying soft drinks this year because 1) you don't drink and 2) you can't afford it, so they need to bring their own. Let them see how much alcohol costs, I bet they drink less when they have to hand over the money at the till.