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Original poster

My sons behaviour 🫤

134 replies

MyThreeLittleLoves · 03/12/2024 21:07

Hello

It has taken me a lot to post of here, so please be kind and no negative comments.

I am looking for some advice on how to tackle my 8 year old sons behaviour.

In a nutshell he is a very loving kind and caring boy. However he doesn’t like the word “NO”

Let’s take this afternoon for example, after I collected him and my soon to be three year old son from school and nursery, I needed to go and get a few things from the supermarket/department store.

He asked if he could have some new drawing pens and paper, now I would usually buy them for him, but I am trying my best to get out of the habit of always saying yes to both boys.

So this afternoon, I had the courage to tell him that he couldn’t have them, bearing in mind he has lots at home, and we are coming up to Christmas, in which that could be another gift for him.

My other son also picked up something, I also told him no, he accepted that he wasn’t going to take it home with him today and caused no fuss.

My 8 year old started to sulk, when we got to the checkout I asked him to help me put the shopping on the conveyor belt, as he usually likes to help me.

He picked up the loaf of bread and threw it, and it nearly hit the lady working on the check-out, I immediately apologised to her and she gave me a warm smile, then I turned to him and said “No, we are not going to do this, how dare you behave like this in public?” thinking back, I shouldn’t have said anything.

He then replied “Shut up, you f**!ing bitch” and those in front and behind me and heard this, I ignored him to not escalate the matter further. Once I paid for and packed my shopping, I just wanted to get out of there, but he thought it was be great to walk very slowly behind me.

Then refused to get into the car, but eventually did. I told him I’m not happy with how he behaved in the supermarket and how dare him speak to me like that, and call me that and I will be telling dad when we get home. His words were “I literally don’t care, you can tell him what you want, I wish I had a better mum than you”

All this because I didn’t buy him then pen and paper, my husband and I make sure to give the boys to best life, which includes private education, holidays each half term (Lapland & DisneyLand in the next few weeks, then Jamaica after Christmas and a three day ski trip then back to school) nice days out and experiences and of course lots of love and cuddles.

I just don’t understand why my son acts like this, when we got home he showered and went to sleep.

Please can I have help/advice on how to tackle this, because it really upsets me. And every time this happens I have to open a bottle of wine, then I will drink it all then feel guilty that I’ve drunk it all to myself and I find myself crying, then to make myself feel better I open another bottle, it’s just a vicious cycle. I’m disappointed in myself as I’ve been doing so well regarding “drinking”

OP posts:
MereNoelle · 03/12/2024 21:11

He’s spoilt rotten and has no respect for you.

Jifmicroliquid · 03/12/2024 21:13

He sounds like a spoilt brat OP. You say yourself he gets a lot and you are trying to get out of the habit of always saying ‘yes’, which implies that previously he’s always got his own way.
If an 8 year old is calling you a F**!ing bitch, you have seriously lost control of him.

You need to do something about this NOW or god help you in a few years time. What are the consequences for his behaviour? What punishment did he receive for calling you that in the supermarket?

Sirzy · 03/12/2024 21:14

What consequences has he faced for his behaviour?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds 8 year olds Families
WarriorN · 03/12/2024 21:15

Way too many treats.

I've just recommended "my hidden chimp" book on another thread; but not sure if he's a bit old.

You'd have to connect with him over it when he's in a good mood. You can't get through when they're in that sort of mood.

"I don't respond to being spoken to like that" (a la Bree off Desperate Housewives) has worked a treat here since both were about 4.

Littletreefrog · 03/12/2024 21:15

Unfortunately it seems you have created a monster by allowing him things whenever he has asked in the past. This will take some time to undo.

Also don't threaten him with "I'm telling your Dad". He misbehaved while with you and swore at you. So you need to be the one to punish him not his Dad.

What consequences has he had for his actions today?

WarriorN · 03/12/2024 21:18

Mine would be grounded for a week after that.

"How to speak to kids and how to listen" has some examples for how to deal with things longer term.

I'd not take him shopping next time and remind him of his behaviour. Leave him, maybe take the other boy.

ditzzy · 03/12/2024 21:19

At 8 he’s old enough for you to have a rational conversation with him about this. Sit down with him (ideally at a time when neither of you are going to have to rush off, and he’s not too tired) in a calm environment and explain that it’s completely inappropriate for him to behave that way. That you were planning to buy the things for him later, but specifically because of his behaviour you now won’t be doing so.

I’d consider buying things the younger son wanted because he was sensible, so that your older son can see that better behaviour doesn’t get punished.

I’d also ask him whether something is bothering him at school at the moment. Lashing out like that could be a symptom of something else going on that you don’t know about yet.

So what I would do is to spell out the problem, a minor consequence and then see if there’s a reason.

Good luck with it all! All of us parents are just feeling our through every challenge as it comes up, I hope you get good advice on here

BodyKeepingScore · 03/12/2024 21:19

He's spoilt.

And he has no respect for you. This could be in part because you threaten him with his dad rather than showing him that you are capable of enforcing discipline and consequences for yourself. You need to make it clear for him that you can and will.

Tristar15 · 03/12/2024 21:22

You say that every time it happens you open a bottle of wine so the incident today can’t be a one off. You need a plan to stop the spoiling. Those holidays are very much a luxury, you’re taking him to very expensive destinations so he knows that you can afford things therefore he expects things. He’s old enough to be told that in the weeks running up to Christmas that he will not get additional treats. My DD is 7 and has been told the same and completely accepts this. You then need to limit saying yes, tell him he can ask for an additional treat / item once a fortnight, this will make him think about what he really wants. You need to do something to undo his sense of entitlement.

Original poster
MyThreeLittleLoves · 03/12/2024 21:23

There has been no punishment, every time he misbehaves like this he has a habit of going to sleep straight afterwards.

It doesn’t happen regularly, maybe once a week he’ll have an outburst, and I just try to forget about it, but it just hurts.

OP posts:
AmandaHoldensLips · 03/12/2024 21:24

Assuming you're not a troll, and your 8 year old really did call you that, you have a seriously spoilt nasty little boy on your hands who needs teaching a very serious lesson.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 03/12/2024 21:24

Start saying no a lot more and stick to it. You need to be firm and consistent and have consequences, preferably a natural consequence so it's linked to the behaviour, but it could also be less of something he really likes doing like screen time. There's no complex mysterious behsgiour here. He's reacting this way be he's spoilt so stop spoiking him.

cansu · 03/12/2024 21:27

You need to give a consequence. It doesn't matter if he goes to bed. You decide what will have an impact and you enforce it. You stick to it. He doesn't respect you because you don't give any consequences.

Jifmicroliquid · 03/12/2024 21:28

MyThreeLittleLoves · 03/12/2024 21:23

There has been no punishment, every time he misbehaves like this he has a habit of going to sleep straight afterwards.

It doesn’t happen regularly, maybe once a week he’ll have an outburst, and I just try to forget about it, but it just hurts.

So there are no consequences to this behaviour that occurs once a week.
Is it any wonder he calls you whatever he likes??
Seriously, parent your child! What are you doing? Why do you ‘just forget about it’?
He is your responsibility and you need to sort this out. Immediate consequences for the behaviour- “when we get home you will go straight to your room and there will be no tablet/gaming/whatever. The weekend plans are not happening and you are grounded. That means no friends, no days out, nothing.”

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/12/2024 21:28

Where did he learn to use language like that? Does anyone else speak to you like that?

You’ve got to get a handle on your drinking, see your GP as a start.

GranPepper · 03/12/2024 21:28

MyThreeLittleLoves · 03/12/2024 21:07

Hello

It has taken me a lot to post of here, so please be kind and no negative comments.

I am looking for some advice on how to tackle my 8 year old sons behaviour.

In a nutshell he is a very loving kind and caring boy. However he doesn’t like the word “NO”

Let’s take this afternoon for example, after I collected him and my soon to be three year old son from school and nursery, I needed to go and get a few things from the supermarket/department store.

He asked if he could have some new drawing pens and paper, now I would usually buy them for him, but I am trying my best to get out of the habit of always saying yes to both boys.

So this afternoon, I had the courage to tell him that he couldn’t have them, bearing in mind he has lots at home, and we are coming up to Christmas, in which that could be another gift for him.

My other son also picked up something, I also told him no, he accepted that he wasn’t going to take it home with him today and caused no fuss.

My 8 year old started to sulk, when we got to the checkout I asked him to help me put the shopping on the conveyor belt, as he usually likes to help me.

He picked up the loaf of bread and threw it, and it nearly hit the lady working on the check-out, I immediately apologised to her and she gave me a warm smile, then I turned to him and said “No, we are not going to do this, how dare you behave like this in public?” thinking back, I shouldn’t have said anything.

He then replied “Shut up, you f**!ing bitch” and those in front and behind me and heard this, I ignored him to not escalate the matter further. Once I paid for and packed my shopping, I just wanted to get out of there, but he thought it was be great to walk very slowly behind me.

Then refused to get into the car, but eventually did. I told him I’m not happy with how he behaved in the supermarket and how dare him speak to me like that, and call me that and I will be telling dad when we get home. His words were “I literally don’t care, you can tell him what you want, I wish I had a better mum than you”

All this because I didn’t buy him then pen and paper, my husband and I make sure to give the boys to best life, which includes private education, holidays each half term (Lapland & DisneyLand in the next few weeks, then Jamaica after Christmas and a three day ski trip then back to school) nice days out and experiences and of course lots of love and cuddles.

I just don’t understand why my son acts like this, when we got home he showered and went to sleep.

Please can I have help/advice on how to tackle this, because it really upsets me. And every time this happens I have to open a bottle of wine, then I will drink it all then feel guilty that I’ve drunk it all to myself and I find myself crying, then to make myself feel better I open another bottle, it’s just a vicious cycle. I’m disappointed in myself as I’ve been doing so well regarding “drinking”

Every time .. I open a bottle of wine .. then another and it's a vicious circle. You know this in yourself. You are stressed. You may benefit from arranging a GP appointment and being honest about how you feel/what you're doing as a coping mechanism. I wish you the best

Littletreefrog · 03/12/2024 21:28

MyThreeLittleLoves · 03/12/2024 21:23

There has been no punishment, every time he misbehaves like this he has a habit of going to sleep straight afterwards.

It doesn’t happen regularly, maybe once a week he’ll have an outburst, and I just try to forget about it, but it just hurts.

So he fell asleep in the car on the way home from the shops and hasn't been awake long enough to eat his tea etc? I doubt it. You have had plenty of time to tell him what the consequences of his actions will be.

MereNoelle · 03/12/2024 21:29

Once a week is regularly. I have a 10 and an 8 year old and neither have ever spoken to me like that, not once.
He keeps doing it because there are no consequences. He gets whatever he wants.

SlugsWon · 03/12/2024 21:29

What does your husband do or say? My husband would flip if my 8 year old spoke to me that way. As would I.

I'm a big softie but that deserves a serious consequence, not just because you deserve better, but because he does as well. He can't go through life thinking it's okay to behave like that.

Tourmalines · 03/12/2024 21:30

As everyone else has said, he is spoilt . He has no respect for you . You overindulge him with all the holidays and he doesn’t appreciate it . You have no consequences for his behaviour either . He sees you as a soft touch and he gets away with it . You need to make changes to how you react to him , and that means toughen up .

Sirzy · 03/12/2024 21:31

MyThreeLittleLoves · 03/12/2024 21:23

There has been no punishment, every time he misbehaves like this he has a habit of going to sleep straight afterwards.

It doesn’t happen regularly, maybe once a week he’ll have an outburst, and I just try to forget about it, but it just hurts.

So he is learning he can do whatever he pleases and get away with it.

you need to have clear and consistent consequences. When he is calm explain to him that a future behaviour like that will come with one warning (unless he swears at you etc then it’s straight to punishment) and then what the consequences will be. Then follow through no matter how much he complains or says he doesn’t care.

you need to be the parent.

BodyKeepingScore · 03/12/2024 21:32

MyThreeLittleLoves · 03/12/2024 21:23

There has been no punishment, every time he misbehaves like this he has a habit of going to sleep straight afterwards.

It doesn’t happen regularly, maybe once a week he’ll have an outburst, and I just try to forget about it, but it just hurts.

So if there's no consequences or punishment for the behaviour how on earth does he learn not to do it? The treats continue and there are no ill effects for him for having been abusive to his mum... little wonder he's not stopping it. He has no reason to.

Arran2024 · 03/12/2024 21:32

You sound kind of scared of upsetting him. Sorry I haven't read all the replies but how does his father treat him? And how does he treat you? Is he used to seeing women treated like dirt?

Original poster
MyThreeLittleLoves · 03/12/2024 21:32

Sorry I have been trying to work out a way to reply to all of you, I don’t want anyone thinking I’m being ignorant.

Please bear with me, my next post will be my replies.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 03/12/2024 21:34

There has been no punishment, every time he misbehaves like this he has a habit of going to sleep straight afterwards.

This suggests he behaves like this when he's very tired. But that's no excuse, and he absolutely needs to have a consequence. I would have sent my DC straight to their room when we got home and told them to have a think about their behaviour.

No one likes to be told no to something. I've found it better to avoid actually saying "no", but to say something like "Oh, we already have loads of really good pens at home, and you're really great at drawing, maybe you could use them when we get home."

I don't think this has anything g to do with how many nice holidays you go on, that's just his normal. It has much more to do with how you're interacting with him.