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Original poster

Sexist comment by older man in pub

145 replies

BevMaker · 01/12/2024 22:26

Hi everyone
Realy upset by this … take our 8 month old lab puppy to our local fairly often. She’s a regular.
She’s still learning and will often pull away from us and sit in a ‘thoroughfare ’ so to speak. We always move her when we need to. Sat with my husband. An older man was trying to pass mid to late 60’s I’d say (I’m early 50’s) and I apologised and moved her . He said ‘typical woman, won’t do what you what them to to eh?’ Directed at me.
I was not impressed at this sexist jibe so I gave him a look, Then he squeezed my shoulder as he went by. It all happened so fast and as he touched my shoulder I told him to not touch me fairly assertively … he took offence at this and said something derogatory about me to my husband which my husband said something along the lines of ‘ she’s fine sorry she’s over sensitive ‘
i was absolutely furious and really upset.
I’ve challenged him about it now we are home (we were staying on in the pub for a quiz with friends - different side of pub to the weird man fortunately) and he says he maintains the man didn’t do anything wrong and the comment was ‘directed at the dog’ and not me, He says he can’t be expected to ‘have my back’ all the time or words to that effect .
I’m appalled by his lack of support to me in this kind of situation
Please help me out here guys.. AIBU?

OP posts:
username358 · 01/12/2024 22:29

He was sexist but I think his comment was directed at the dog. He shouldn't have touched you and your husband shouldn't have belittled you like that.

FionnulaTheCooler · 01/12/2024 22:33

Everyone is unreasonable. The man was a dick, so was your DH and you shouldn't be letting your dog cause a nuisance to other people and getting under their feet.

Scamilton · 01/12/2024 22:35

Sounds like he was talking about the dog but strange to assume the dog is a female hence the wont do as she's told joke.

As for the exchange between the men, what would you have preferred? An Andrew Tate defending your honour duel?!

Oh and this is MN, most of us dont want to see dogs inside a pub so sympathy will be scant especially parking the thing in a thoroughfare.

Interested in this thread?

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Behaviour & development
Moveoverdarlin · 01/12/2024 22:38

Why do you take a puppy to the pub? I have a lab the same age and wouldn’t dream of taking her to a quiz night in a pub.

I’d also brush off the comment and take it with a pinch of salt, puppies don’t do as they’re told, yeah it was sexist and a bit old fashioned, but he meant it as a joke, he was probably harmless.

GretchenWienersHair · 01/12/2024 22:40

All of you were BU. The man is in the lead for his two offences: the sexist comment (aimed at the dog or not, it’s still a dick comment) and for the unsolicited touching, your husband in second place for having the dog in the way and for not supporting you, and you’re in third place for the single offence of having the dog in the way. So, you’re the least unreasonable, if that helps? The man was a fool, and your husband did nothing to help.

TallNeckedGiraffe · 01/12/2024 22:40

Is there anywhere safe from entitled dog owners now?

RaininSummer · 01/12/2024 22:40

I would have been annoyed at the oversensitive comment but you did seem to make a bit of fuss about a bloke's silly comment and cheeky touch of your shoulder. I know it's out of order really but it's a lot of drama for an out of touch oldish chap who probably thought he was being funny.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 01/12/2024 22:42

FionnulaTheCooler · 01/12/2024 22:33

Everyone is unreasonable. The man was a dick, so was your DH and you shouldn't be letting your dog cause a nuisance to other people and getting under their feet.

I agree. And also agree with the pp that the man's initial comment was obviously directed at the dog.

But noone comes out well in this scenario.

Original poster
BevMaker · 01/12/2024 22:42

Moveoverdarlin · 01/12/2024 22:38

Why do you take a puppy to the pub? I have a lab the same age and wouldn’t dream of taking her to a quiz night in a pub.

I’d also brush off the comment and take it with a pinch of salt, puppies don’t do as they’re told, yeah it was sexist and a bit old fashioned, but he meant it as a joke, he was probably harmless.

My husband took her home before the quiz started

OP posts:
BilboBlaggin · 01/12/2024 22:45

Well, you obviously weren't taking enough notice of your dog's location if the man had to struggle a bit to get by.

Yes, the man's comment was sexist, but he's older generation when this would have been "banter". I'd have played him at his own game and called to the dog, in a loud enough voice "make way DDog, sexist coming through!"

CucumberBagel · 01/12/2024 22:46

YANBU. Seems your husband cares more about placating a sexist male stranger than you. You know what he thinks now, he just hides it.

Yesiknowdear · 01/12/2024 22:46

Men of that age think its appropriate to joke like that, however if there was no malice in it, which it seems there wasn't! I think an eye roll and get on with the evening would've been the way to deal with the situation.

Your husband on the other hand...making excuses for you and calling you oversensitive to someone who had annoyed you. I'd be having words about that... even if there were truth to it.

Original poster
BevMaker · 01/12/2024 22:46

BilboBlaggin · 01/12/2024 22:45

Well, you obviously weren't taking enough notice of your dog's location if the man had to struggle a bit to get by.

Yes, the man's comment was sexist, but he's older generation when this would have been "banter". I'd have played him at his own game and called to the dog, in a loud enough voice "make way DDog, sexist coming through!"

Excellent .. I’ll try to use that one next time . Thank you 🙏

OP posts:
Nikitaspearlearring · 01/12/2024 22:46

Ugh. It's hard for us to judge if it was directed at the dog or not because we weren't there, but I wouldn't want some randomer squeezing my shoulder, and I think you need to train your DH on why this is unacceptable.

CucumberBagel · 01/12/2024 22:47

BilboBlaggin · 01/12/2024 22:45

Well, you obviously weren't taking enough notice of your dog's location if the man had to struggle a bit to get by.

Yes, the man's comment was sexist, but he's older generation when this would have been "banter". I'd have played him at his own game and called to the dog, in a loud enough voice "make way DDog, sexist coming through!"

And OP's DH still would have apologised.

Fuck misogynistic dinosaurs and those who pass it off as "banter".

Original poster
BevMaker · 01/12/2024 22:47

CucumberBagel · 01/12/2024 22:47

And OP's DH still would have apologised.

Fuck misogynistic dinosaurs and those who pass it off as "banter".

Show quote history

Thank you ☺️

OP posts:
SmalllChange · 01/12/2024 22:48

You were all unreasonable, including the dog 🐶

5128gap · 01/12/2024 22:51

He was calling the dog a typical woman, not you. It was a sexist thing to say. He shouldn't have touched you. However I think I'd have dealt with it with a hard stare and removing his hand from my shoulder and left it there.
As galling as it is, when I'm with my DP or adult DSs I'm pretty conflict avoidant for their sake. If it escalates to violence, it wouldn't be me who got punched.

Scamilton · 01/12/2024 22:52

CucumberBagel · 01/12/2024 22:47

And OP's DH still would have apologised.

Fuck misogynistic dinosaurs and those who pass it off as "banter".

Show quote history

So its misogynistic to pass it off as banter but also toxic masculinity to say don't you dare talk to my wife like that! What was DH meant to do?

Comedycook · 01/12/2024 22:52

The blokes comments were just dated humour....not malicious but yes sexist. I'd take the shoulder squeeze as his way of showing there was no ill intent although he shouldn't have done it.

Redwinedaze · 01/12/2024 22:54

It was aimed at woman and he was using the dog to make a point, I can’t believe people are not getting that?

I’d have said something along the lines of the poster who said make way for the sexist coming through also.

Original poster
BevMaker · 01/12/2024 22:56

Redwinedaze · 01/12/2024 22:54

It was aimed at woman and he was using the dog to make a point, I can’t believe people are not getting that?

I’d have said something along the lines of the poster who said make way for the sexist coming through also.

I always think of things like this after the event !

OP posts:
bozzabollix · 01/12/2024 22:57

Scamilton · 01/12/2024 22:35

Sounds like he was talking about the dog but strange to assume the dog is a female hence the wont do as she's told joke.

As for the exchange between the men, what would you have preferred? An Andrew Tate defending your honour duel?!

Oh and this is MN, most of us dont want to see dogs inside a pub so sympathy will be scant especially parking the thing in a thoroughfare.

Speak for yourself. I love to see a dog in a pub, but then I’m not bloody miserable.

MarmaladeSideDown · 01/12/2024 23:00

CucumberBagel · 01/12/2024 22:46

YANBU. Seems your husband cares more about placating a sexist male stranger than you. You know what he thinks now, he just hides it.

This.

DarkAndTwisties · 01/12/2024 23:00

It doesn't matter if the comment was aimed at the dog, the "typical woman" bit makes it sexist regardless. And he shouldn't have touched you. The comment is something I'd have let slide simply because I cannot be bothered to argue with sexist men - I wont change their mind, and it will only irritate me more.

But you are also unreasonable for letting your dog be in the way. It shouldn't be on other people to wait for you to move the dog.