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Original poster

Sexist comment by older man in pub

145 replies

BevMaker · 01/12/2024 22:26

Hi everyone
Realy upset by this … take our 8 month old lab puppy to our local fairly often. She’s a regular.
She’s still learning and will often pull away from us and sit in a ‘thoroughfare ’ so to speak. We always move her when we need to. Sat with my husband. An older man was trying to pass mid to late 60’s I’d say (I’m early 50’s) and I apologised and moved her . He said ‘typical woman, won’t do what you what them to to eh?’ Directed at me.
I was not impressed at this sexist jibe so I gave him a look, Then he squeezed my shoulder as he went by. It all happened so fast and as he touched my shoulder I told him to not touch me fairly assertively … he took offence at this and said something derogatory about me to my husband which my husband said something along the lines of ‘ she’s fine sorry she’s over sensitive ‘
i was absolutely furious and really upset.
I’ve challenged him about it now we are home (we were staying on in the pub for a quiz with friends - different side of pub to the weird man fortunately) and he says he maintains the man didn’t do anything wrong and the comment was ‘directed at the dog’ and not me, He says he can’t be expected to ‘have my back’ all the time or words to that effect .
I’m appalled by his lack of support to me in this kind of situation
Please help me out here guys.. AIBU?

OP posts:
Changingplace · 02/12/2024 05:09

Moveoverdarlin · 01/12/2024 22:38

Why do you take a puppy to the pub? I have a lab the same age and wouldn’t dream of taking her to a quiz night in a pub.

I’d also brush off the comment and take it with a pinch of salt, puppies don’t do as they’re told, yeah it was sexist and a bit old fashioned, but he meant it as a joke, he was probably harmless.

Getting a puppy used to busy situations like this is really good socialisation training, it’s not a bad idea to get young dogs accustomed to this kind of thing at all, it’s good for their development.

SharpOpalNewt · 02/12/2024 05:11

I'd rather have 100 puppies in a pub than one male dinosaur. If pubs had more dogs and fewer ignorant old men then I'd go to them more often.

Changingplace · 02/12/2024 05:13

SnoopySantaPaws · 01/12/2024 23:35

I liked the world better when a squeeze of the shoulder wasn't a bad thing.

Show quote history

Gregg Wallace is that you? 🤷‍♀️

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Behaviour & development
ForGreyKoala · 02/12/2024 05:38

He was talking about the dog. Honestly, how do some of you get through life? I am beginning to have some sympathy with those who use the word "snowflakes". There will always be people who say things you might not like, just ignore them and get on with your life.

QueenCamilla · 02/12/2024 05:43

As someone partial to uttering 'typical male' gags... I shall refrain from giving my two cents worth.
'That's what she said' doesn't fail to entertain me either.
And I can't get het up about Gregg, when Gordon shouting "Fuck off you French cunt!" was a cue to get kids out of the room and ready to bed.

Thunderpants88 · 02/12/2024 05:48

Yes he was sexist but you made
a drama out of it. You aren’t going to teach a sexist older man anything so drop the rope and roll your eyes.

and yes an 8 month old puppy is an obnoxious thing to bring to a pub and it got in peoples way

PaulineBrady · 02/12/2024 05:51

Get over yourself. An older guy trying to be friendly and make light of your dog’s behaviour in a clumsy and old fashioned way, and you trying on being offended for size.

ZoeLoey · 02/12/2024 05:59

If you're own husband is saying stuff like that then you're the problem. Poor guy

InWalksBarberalla · 02/12/2024 06:00

Men of mid to late 60s shouldn't be excused for sexist comments due to age - they know perfectly well they aren't acceptable. Maybe if he was in his late 80s or you could excuse it due to 'his time'.

InWalksBarberalla · 02/12/2024 06:02

PaulineBrady · 02/12/2024 05:51

Get over yourself. An older guy trying to be friendly and make light of your dog’s behaviour in a clumsy and old fashioned way, and you trying on being offended for size.

OP said mid to late 60s - retirement age is 66 so it's hardly like this guy is a doddering old dude that doesn't know better. He's just a sexist prick.

MaidOfSteel · 02/12/2024 06:17

bozzabollix · 01/12/2024 22:57

Speak for yourself. I love to see a dog in a pub, but then I’m not bloody miserable.

Show quote history

If only some of us weren't terrified of dogs. Or allergic.

Leave your dogs at home, folks, please.

FlatErica · 02/12/2024 06:24

Yesiknowdear · 01/12/2024 22:46

Men of that age think its appropriate to joke like that, however if there was no malice in it, which it seems there wasn't! I think an eye roll and get on with the evening would've been the way to deal with the situation.

Your husband on the other hand...making excuses for you and calling you oversensitive to someone who had annoyed you. I'd be having words about that... even if there were truth to it.

Looks like men of OP's age are better at hiding that they're sexist. Which is worst?

BitOutOfPractice · 02/12/2024 06:27

I’d just roll my eyes at the sexist bloke and silently fume.

I would be absolutely LIVID with my dp though. Livid.

I’ll also add to the chorus of “please don’t take your untrained dog to the pub”.

TENSsion · 02/12/2024 06:34

It all sounds very uncomfortable.
I don’t agree with what your husband said but I can’t think of anything he could have said better that would have diffused the situation instead of making it worse.
I think anything more protective or supportive of you would have come off as quite aggressive.
It was already escalating beyond what was necessary.
I’d probably have just rolled my eyes at his comment and called him a nob head when he left.

Coconutter24 · 02/12/2024 06:40

BevMaker · 01/12/2024 22:46

Excellent .. I’ll try to use that one next time . Thank you 🙏

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Or you could just not let your dog sit/lay in the way. I get dogs are allowed in places indoors but they should also be at your feet under the table out of the way. No one should have to ask for a dog to be moved to walk around a pub. This whole interaction wouldn’t have happened if the dog wasn’t in the way.

Bananamanlovesyou · 02/12/2024 06:42

But if an overreaction really. It’s always worth reading the intent behind these things. He sounds as though he was making a very misguided attempt to be friendly. I just couldn’t get excited about it.

Coconutter24 · 02/12/2024 06:43

bozzabollix · 01/12/2024 22:57

Speak for yourself. I love to see a dog in a pub, but then I’m not bloody miserable.

Show quote history

I dislike seeing dogs where I’m eating and drinking and I’m far from a miserable person. I just hate smelling them when eating

FrauPaige · 02/12/2024 06:50

TENSsion · 02/12/2024 06:34

It all sounds very uncomfortable.
I don’t agree with what your husband said but I can’t think of anything he could have said better that would have diffused the situation instead of making it worse.
I think anything more protective or supportive of you would have come off as quite aggressive.
It was already escalating beyond what was necessary.
I’d probably have just rolled my eyes at his comment and called him a nob head when he left.

This. We shouldn't put male family members at risk of a physical altercation just because we didn't appreciate someone's sense of humour - or indeed misinterpreted someone's attempt at humour.

SallyWD · 02/12/2024 06:52

I couldn't get worked up about the comment. I hear women make sexist "Typical men" jokes all the time. The other day, my friend said her dog was very disobedient, just like most men she knew.
I wouldn't like the shoulder touch. Your DH was being a typical embarrassed British person.
All in all, a storm in a teacup.

Soontobe60 · 02/12/2024 06:52

CucumberBagel · 01/12/2024 22:47

And OP's DH still would have apologised.

Fuck misogynistic dinosaurs and those who pass it off as "banter".

Show quote history

Why are you assuming that the bloke has behaved that way due to his age? Ive witnessed many younger men behaving equally as bad - misogyny is not the enclave of men over 60 you know.

dimples76 · 02/12/2024 07:01

Your husband's comment would have been the thing that angered me. He didn't need to say anything, let alone something negative about you.

saraclara · 02/12/2024 07:03

Man makes lighthearted comment about the dog that is blocking his way, you over react and your husband is embarrassed and tries to diffuse the situation and you over react.

In a nutshell.

And this ...

I couldn't get worked up about the comment. I hear women make sexist "Typical men" jokes all the time.

Yep, given that we're on Mumsnet where there are constant stupid generalisations made about men.

I'd have inwardly rolled my eyes at him and left it at that.

CyranoDeBergerQuack · 02/12/2024 07:05

BevMaker · 01/12/2024 22:26

Hi everyone
Realy upset by this … take our 8 month old lab puppy to our local fairly often. She’s a regular.
She’s still learning and will often pull away from us and sit in a ‘thoroughfare ’ so to speak. We always move her when we need to. Sat with my husband. An older man was trying to pass mid to late 60’s I’d say (I’m early 50’s) and I apologised and moved her . He said ‘typical woman, won’t do what you what them to to eh?’ Directed at me.
I was not impressed at this sexist jibe so I gave him a look, Then he squeezed my shoulder as he went by. It all happened so fast and as he touched my shoulder I told him to not touch me fairly assertively … he took offence at this and said something derogatory about me to my husband which my husband said something along the lines of ‘ she’s fine sorry she’s over sensitive ‘
i was absolutely furious and really upset.
I’ve challenged him about it now we are home (we were staying on in the pub for a quiz with friends - different side of pub to the weird man fortunately) and he says he maintains the man didn’t do anything wrong and the comment was ‘directed at the dog’ and not me, He says he can’t be expected to ‘have my back’ all the time or words to that effect .
I’m appalled by his lack of support to me in this kind of situation
Please help me out here guys.. AIBU?

The irony; you call out this 'sexist' behaviour then use the phrase 'guys' to a group of people largely comprising women

JingleB · 02/12/2024 07:09

“Ignore her, she’s over sensitive”??
Jesus, I’d be pretty pissed off if my partner said that about me.

Deathraystare · 02/12/2024 07:09

Well if he is happy with you being touched by a stranger does that give you carte blanche to have an affair???!!

I don't like dogs in pubs/cafes/shops either - where do you draw the liine.