Sexist comment by older man in pub

[BevMaker]

Hi everyone
Realy upset by this … take our 8 month old lab puppy to our local fairly often. She’s a regular.
She’s still learning and will often pull away from us and sit in a ‘thoroughfare ’ so to speak. We always move her when we need to. Sat with my husband. An older man was trying to pass mid to late 60’s I’d say (I’m early 50’s) and I apologised and moved her . He said ‘typical woman, won’t do what you what them to to eh?’ Directed at me.
I was not impressed at this sexist jibe so I gave him a look, Then he squeezed my shoulder as he went by. It all happened so fast and as he touched my shoulder I told him to not touch me fairly assertively … he took offence at this and said something derogatory about me to my husband which my husband said something along the lines of ‘ she’s fine sorry she’s over sensitive ‘
i was absolutely furious and really upset.
I’ve challenged him about it now we are home (we were staying on in the pub for a quiz with friends - different side of pub to the weird man fortunately) and he says he maintains the man didn’t do anything wrong and the comment was ‘directed at the dog’ and not me, He says he can’t be expected to ‘have my back’ all the time or words to that effect .
I’m appalled by his lack of support to me in this kind of situation
Please help me out here guys.. AIBU?

Thanks for this . You are right.

I'm guessing there were some clues that the dog was female. The OP had to move the dog, so she may well have called the dog by its (female) name, or said "Here girl!" or similar.

Letting a dog block a walkway in the pub is always reasonable though. The OP said they always move her when they need to, but they really shouldn't have waited until someone was trying to walk past. The dog should have been under the table or not in the pub.

This. ^

The one in the wrong most here is the OP's husband. If my husband has said 'oh ignore her she is just sensitive!' to a man who had just made a sexist comment to me (whether it was aimed at me OR the dog it was still sexist,) I would have gone fucking nuclear. How fucking DARE he? Dismissing the man's sexist demeaning comment by saying 'aww sorry mate, the missus is a bit sensitive!' FUCK. THAT. SHIT!

I can't believe a number of posters on here are dismissing this as 'older man banter!' No! it was sexist and demeaning, and the OP's husband is a spineless arsehole for not calling this man out!

People don't get to get away with shit because they're a bit older. Fuck that! No-one 'allows' people over 55-60 to say racist shit, so why is sexist shit allowed?!

And as for grabbing and squeezing your shoulder. Nope. He'd have been pulling back a broken wrist if he'd have done that to me. I'd have said 'don't fucking touch me!'

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Thank you.
dog or no dog, that is the actual issue ^

The blokes comments were just dated humour....not malicious but yes sexist. I'd take the shoulder squeeze as his way of showing there was no ill intent although he shouldn't have done it.

This, as @Comedycook said.

It must be fun, running a pub? Dogs in the way, old men not able to keep up with things, men who won't stick up for their wives, people getting stroppy instead of enjoying the ambience... How did you do in the Quiz, OP?

We came third . Won’t be returning, with or without dog.

Neither am I but I am allergic to dogs so the fact that people feel the need to take them everywhere now is a problem. Way worse since covid when so many people got dogs - the Dickheads with Dogs Brigade. Much more responsible owners pre Covid.

So you’re being ageist - that’s ok is it?
I’m mid 60’s and didn’t appreciate sexist remarks 40 years ago.
You do realise that it’s my generation that really fought against sexism. Honestly we’re not fucking dinosaurs.

No word of a lie a pub near me has just been taken over by a couple of blokes and they posted a photo of their Bully dog sitting on one of the pub sofas with a slogan dogs welcome. Firstly customers are meant to use that sofa and secondly its a Bully. I give them a few months and it'll be shut.

That’s actually made me now think twice about taking her out to the pub, I think i totally need to take this on board and leave her behind a bit more. Appreciate everyone’s candid comments .

The older man probably thought he was being witty but that was an unpleasant sexist jibe.
I'm not surprised you were upset that your DH didn't support you. Disheartening in this day and age.

I would have curled my lip at the sexist idiot and his "joke", but I'd be raging about your DH apologising for you like that. He completely humiliated his wife because he's a gutless weed. Deeply unattractive.

What do you do OP if your husband isn't there to defend your honour? It does sound a bit ageist and sexist to assume women must have a man to speak up for them and to challenge anyone who, in your view, makes a thoughtless remark.

I told him not to touch me.
i was mindful of causing a scene as my DS was there .

Yeah but 35-40+ years ago, sexism, and men groping and leering, WAS more 'accepted' and women were told to STFU, and suck it up, and stop being a baby if they cried 'sexist!' Very few people gave a fuck pre 1990s, about men being sexist and handsy! I know. I was there as a girl/young woman growing up in the 1970s and 1980s ... It was shit. Especially in the workplace. Me AND many other women I knew were told to grow up and stop being a baby if we complained about a sexist or gropy sex pest of a man. Like 'deal with it sugar tits!'

It's different today thank GOD, and women don't have to put up with this shit now. Yeah, younger men are capable of being sexist and misogynistic, and some are, but older men - 55-60+ - are more likely to be bleating 'huh, bloody women! Women drivers! Get back in the kitchen!' Yes they really are, whether you cry 'ageist' or not.

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I mean is your husband wrong? You’re absolutely furious? Why are you letting it take up so much headspace. It was a sexist man - you’re letting him get to you. Either defend yourself or just move on.

So you would be OK if a rude and sexist man aimed a shitty misogynistic comment at you, and grabbed and squeezed you, and your husband said NOTHING except 'ignore her she's just so sensitive!'

You would actually be OK with this?

REALLY?

I don't believe you.

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Why do you keep editing your posts to add a line and a full stop? I’m curious.

If you didn’t let your dog block the thoroughfare, none of this would have happened.
Imagine what he might have said if he’d tripped over dog and broken his hip

@BevMaker

1. Dickhead could have used so many different words to express disappointment at the dog being in his way. He was an arse.
2. Dog probably shouldn't have been in the way. I think dogs in pubs is fine, M&S etc - not fine. Dogs seem to be everywhere these days, and whilst I am a dog owner, I would not dream of taking mine anywhere other than the pub. Depends on the pub I suppose, but in general. Also, it will do the pup good to have that kind of activity around it.
3. Your husband should have told Dickhead to get back in his box. I wouldn't dream of letting someone speak to my wife that way.

I liked the world better when a squeeze of the shoulder wasn't a bad thing.

There's nothing wrong with taking your pup to any pub that allows it. Socialisation is good for puppies, pubs are ideal. BUT you just need to have eyes on them at all times & be sure not to allow them to get anywhere near any grumpy fuckers.

don't see a squeeze if a shoulder as something objectionable, BUT I'd be furious if my husband said what yours did. I'd wipe the floor with him!!

Why do you think you are entitled to inflict a puppy onto people in a pub anyway?
Unlikely to meet the cream of society at Quiz night. Just learn to be resilient and not a snowflake.

This is why dogs should be banned from pubs. They only cause conflict.

Man makes lighthearted comment about the dog that is blocking his way, you over react and your husband is embarrassed and tries to diffuse the situation and you over react.

I feel sorry for the dog.

None of this would have happened if you had simply not allowed the dog to be laying in a place where it would have to be moved if someone wanted to get past.