Sexist comment by older man in pub

[BevMaker]

Hi everyone
Realy upset by this … take our 8 month old lab puppy to our local fairly often. She’s a regular.
She’s still learning and will often pull away from us and sit in a ‘thoroughfare ’ so to speak. We always move her when we need to. Sat with my husband. An older man was trying to pass mid to late 60’s I’d say (I’m early 50’s) and I apologised and moved her . He said ‘typical woman, won’t do what you what them to to eh?’ Directed at me.
I was not impressed at this sexist jibe so I gave him a look, Then he squeezed my shoulder as he went by. It all happened so fast and as he touched my shoulder I told him to not touch me fairly assertively … he took offence at this and said something derogatory about me to my husband which my husband said something along the lines of ‘ she’s fine sorry she’s over sensitive ‘
i was absolutely furious and really upset.
I’ve challenged him about it now we are home (we were staying on in the pub for a quiz with friends - different side of pub to the weird man fortunately) and he says he maintains the man didn’t do anything wrong and the comment was ‘directed at the dog’ and not me, He says he can’t be expected to ‘have my back’ all the time or words to that effect .
I’m appalled by his lack of support to me in this kind of situation
Please help me out here guys.. AIBU?

why is bringing our puppy to a pub ‘obnoxious’ ? It’s a dog friendly pub and many of the patrons bring their dogs too. We are always mindful of where she is and that she is not in the way.
She is taken out regularly for a pee.
we took her home before the quiz started .

Yeah I got that from your original post when you said

“She’s still learning and will often pull away from us and sit in a ‘thoroughfare ’ so to speak.”

So unfortunately that is a trip hazard. She’s a puppy it will happen.

Ok

OP is getting a lot of daft flak about the dog! Surely the entitled bloke making a derogatory comments and then being handsy is the more pressing issue?! It's obvious from the OP that she moves the dog if it drifts away from their legs ...

And did he stop or carry on? If he stopped what were you wanting your husband to do hit him or something?

But she was in the way

Did he group her boob or bum?

I really don't see his behaviour that way. Touching someone's shoulder after recognising the crapness of his joke, isn't being 'handsy'.
OP 's husband was right there and it wasn't like the guy was groping her. I don't generally like being touched, but I recognise a touch or pat on the shoulder and a friendly gesture, and nothing to do with entitlement.

Both men are abhorrent - you are not being unreasonable at all. I’d be seriously on divorce mode if my DH had placated some patronising prick and demeaned me like that.

But why oh fucking why do you have to take your dog out getting in everyone’s way? The entitlement of dog owners is insufferable.

But on the other issues you’re 100% right.

It wasn’t a ‘pat’ on the shoulder .
i should’ve been more succinct, it was a squeeze,
and it came at the same moment as his comment, not after.

His age was relevant exactly how?

Generally taken as a reassuring I meant no harm gesture until people started getting looking under every stone. Have you been assaulted in the past?

I still see it as a warm and friendly gesture accompanying a crap joke. Despite being a feminist who doesn't particularly like being touched.

But I grew up around that kind of warmth and jocularity (including the occasional eye rolling crap joke kind of jocularity).

If I was present when a friend or family member responded like you did, I'd feel really awkward. I wouldn't say what your DH did, but I might well try to defuse the situation.

Because the Landlord allows it.

the pup is simply there, like you are. Why should you inflict yourselself on other patrons?

you won't meet the cream of society either.

..and if you'd bothered to read it, the pub wasn't there during the quiz anyway!

So are people in a pub sometimes🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

A squeeze, on your shoulder. OMG how frightful.

🙄🙄🙄

Handsy??

he squeezed her shoulder, it used to be a common gesture, before the generation of melting snowflakes.

Well he made a sexist (& patronising) comment out of nowhere to a woman in the pub. The shoulder squeeze was also patronising and for the OP, intrusive.

DH wasn't diffusing by calling OP oversensitive he was siding with the other bloke. It didn't have to turn into a fight, but DH could have sided with his DW.

We can hypothesise about motivation, drink taken, generational norms, placement of dog, terminology, it's all just detail.

He was in the wrong. We all ought to be objecting to sexism. Sure it might not change the man's attitude but some younger people around might be given food for thought.
And the woman might feel less crappy.

A pp said "but the DH was right there", I think meaning therefore the comment was innocuous, but again that's irrelevant.

This use of and idea that objecting is being a "snowflake" is as old as the hills. Dismissing and or minimising women's experience and complaints has been the norm for far too long.

It's fascinating that as a society we expect to be given grace by others, but not give grace to others ourselves.

OP made a mistake by letting her puppy get in the way, which was an error which appears to be intended to cause no harm.

The man then made a mistake in making a joke and giving a shoulder squeeze, which also appears to be intended to cause no harm.

Rather than assume neither side had ill intentions a 60 yo man is being called a sexist dinosaur on MN which in itself is fascinating.

Ageism is fine, sexism is not it seems.

Grace on both sides would have perhaps gone a long way.

👏