How to manage child being disappointed re Xmas present?

[coffeepulease]

I gave my mother (child's granny) a specific toy idea for my son's Christmas gift- something that was amongst a list of about 4 things he's keen on. Since that time he's started talking about this one toy a lot, and seems even more keen / hopeful it might be under the tree.

Difficulty is that we are not seeing Granny until the 27th, so on the day itself he'll have other lovely things to unwrap but not the special toy.

If I'd known how much he had begin to like this toy I might have bought it myself and let Granny get something different since she won't be seeing him on the day itself.

She's already bought the toy and is looking forward to giving it to DS on the 27th.

Other than saying "ooh perhaps Santas been to Granny's home too" how can I manage his (potential) disappointed reaction on Xmas day at not getting the one toy he wanted but without saying "Granny's got it" and spoiling the surprise for them both?

I’m intrigued. What do/did you do if your child asked for something unsuitable or too expensive?

Well, we have very, very definitions of "mean" in that case!

You tell then Santy brings appropriate toys and has to be paid by parents. This explains the disparagement between households 🤷‍♀️

Yes obviously so. Taking a moment of joy and using it to teach a life lesson on Xmas day to a 4 year old, yep that is mean.

But he'll still get the joy - just two days later and with grandma instead

It's hardly emotional cruelty like people seem to be suggesting. I had many years where I asked for X and got it, but not until we saw family a few days later. It certainly never ruined the magic or upset me in any way!

Fine. So they wouldn’t always necessarily get everything they asked for, And I doubt that that made them grow up bitter and twisted.

And if you had read the thread, and my previous comments, you would have understood that I was responding to the first part of the post - the bit that said the OP should ask to swap gifts. In fact, in the post you have quoted I made no reference to agreeing with any part of the post.

At no point did I say the OP should buy the gift first, and at no point did I agree with any poster that suggested that as an option (because I DON’T agree with that).

I posted something that implied that grandma’s feelings were not as important as the child’s in this case. You disagreed, which is fine. You then attempted to pass judgement on my parenting, and my children. Do better.

Well we disagree I wouldn't do it neither would have my mother. She did swap a toy back in the day for my eldest as well were in this situation. It was a story my eldest said as part of her eulogy of his memory of her generosity.

Many others have posted the same opinion. And at age 4 two days can be a lifetime. Why when there is a solution wouldn't you ?

Wow reported.

It's wonderful that this year his Granny has gotten him the present he most wants. He will be happy with his other gifts on Christmas day and gets extra special excitement a couple of days later. Sounds like a perfect Christmas.

If he does show any disappointment, reminding him he still has Granny to see is the best way (especially as you know she has it)

@Anonycat They weren't expecting them. This child is expecting this gift.

Your scenario is completely different. Child has expectations of gift here.

In your scenario parents clearly state no that isn't an option due to xyz, so no expectation.

How can it be instant gratification to get it on the 24th.

This is the 1st so 24 days, 3 and bit weeks, which is a long time in the life of a 4yo. It's not love they asked for it today and are getting it tomorrow?

How old are your kids?

Because there isn't an issue to solve. He'll get what he asked for, just from grandma instead. That's how Christmas lists work in thousands of families all over the world.

It sounds perfectly fine to me - there's really no need for all the drama and attempts at emotional blackmail from some posters.

Exactly! How lucky is he to have a grandma who knows Santa and can help with the Christmas magic?!

Don’t be ridiculous. I was responding to that particular post of yours, not every other post you might have made. That’s why I quoted that particular post.

You chose to comment on my response to a post by someone else. How on Earth am I supposed to know that you agreed with one part of the post I was responding to but not another part? By reading first every single post you have made? Ludicrous.

In your own sickeningly hackneyed and sanctimonious phrase, "do better"!

You’re starting to look a bit hysterical silly now.

If you are so worried about the children of posters on an internet forum and how they will grow up based on a comment of “Yes, because Granny’s feelings are what is important here” then please get help.

Sanctimony and faux concern Bingo! "Please get help" often goes together with "do better"!

Does it? Or is that just another thing you have made up?

I’ll leave you to your frothing, I’ve got plans with my entitled children. Have a lovely day!

I will. Just off to make a frothy cappuccino.

And you saying falsely that I’ve made things up doesn’t make it true, as anyone reading this thread can see.

So me sharing my we experience and it's impact is emotional blackmail, wow. Seriously just wow

I was responding to a post where needs not being met were mentioned. His wants are being fulfilled too.

@Marblesbackagain I'm 100% with you.
Christmas morning is not the time for teaching patience, or managing disappointment.
If they were older 7 or 8 I'd not be so bothered but a 4.

Why would anyone go there for the sake of a tenner?

It's not the time to specifically set up ways to teach patience, clearly, but it's as good a time as any if it arises.

We used to get our neighbours kids presents where we used to live as their parents never had the money to get them anything halfway decent or much at all. After they’d opened the ones off their parents, we’d go round a couple of hours later with what we’d got and told them Santa got confused after all the beer he’d drank and delivered their presents to our house. Maybe talk to your mom and do this with DS when she calls you and says Santa went to the wrong house with some of his presents