How to manage child being disappointed re Xmas present?

[coffeepulease]

I gave my mother (child's granny) a specific toy idea for my son's Christmas gift- something that was amongst a list of about 4 things he's keen on. Since that time he's started talking about this one toy a lot, and seems even more keen / hopeful it might be under the tree.

Difficulty is that we are not seeing Granny until the 27th, so on the day itself he'll have other lovely things to unwrap but not the special toy.

If I'd known how much he had begin to like this toy I might have bought it myself and let Granny get something different since she won't be seeing him on the day itself.

She's already bought the toy and is looking forward to giving it to DS on the 27th.

Other than saying "ooh perhaps Santas been to Granny's home too" how can I manage his (potential) disappointed reaction on Xmas day at not getting the one toy he wanted but without saying "Granny's got it" and spoiling the surprise for them both?

Nope.
You knew that already though.

Your little digs are passive aggressive.

I've known lots of children over the years, before I had my own, and after.
Most of them have coped fine with the concept of time and patience fairly well.

No, you said “no wonder so many children are the way they are nowadays”.

So it was just a sweeping generalisation then?

Families should try to indeed work together. That doesn't mean there never being disappointment or having to wait.

Yes Santa does only bring one or two things. But that's the one thing that's top of the list, the thing he's likely to ask for when he meets Santa 🤶 🧑‍🎄

It's removing the surprise to say actually Granny's already bought it Santa might bring something else. But they don't want something else they want that.

Op is going have to tell the kid that Granny has it and keep reminding them, or she'll end up with a disappointed kid on Christmas morning which puts a dampener on everyone's Christmas.

You get 3 /4 years between them being old enough to get Santa and young enough not to have doubts for the sake of a tenner let Santa deliver it.

No, it was an observation of why some children end up entitled and spoiled.

@Nolegusta that’s the problem though. Most kids have zero patience or resilience these days and are not taught any. Parents are so worried about appeasing their little darlings and cotton wool them so they never learn to cope with a bit of disappointment or delayed gratification. See also the thread where a child had a tantrum at a birthday party and got cake before everyone else incl the birthday child.

Yes Santa's always got the stocking presents in our house and big gifts from us.

Talk to her and form a plan (ask would she mind you telling him!). There’s also of course the chance he’ll be so excited by Christmas he’ll shrug it off!

Do you know 'most' children then?

I have to agree, sadly, that there's an increasing trend toward immediate gratification and also never facing disappointment or learning patience. Of course you don't set out with the aim to disappoint but in reality it just sometimes happens.

Do you understand that it's posdible to usw the term most without having personally met every single one? 🫣

No, it’s just human decency. To deliberately sabotage Granny's gift by buying and giving the same thing yourself sooner, so that a child already receiving loads of other gifts is not slightly disappointed for a day or two (maybe), would be dreadful behaviour. If you can’t see that, I worry about what lessons you are teaching your children and how they will grow up. The word "entitled" springs to mind.

A child should not be encouraged to expect that they will always get everything they say they want. What if what they want was unsuitable/dangerous/too expensive/sold out?

If the child expresses disappointment I would simply talk about how there are more gifts to come, and you’re sure Granny has bought him something lovely, maybe if he’s very lucky even the thing he wants.

It wasn't really aimed at you - I was saying I would be mortified to behave that way myself.

But you've since clarified that the gifts hadn't been bought, so it's a bit of a non-issue really 😬

Whatever happened to make you slice a Grinch?

Families tend to actually avoid actively disappointing children because life does enough of that.

What a horrid way of looking at life from the lens of a child. You are obviously talking from a place of pain I am sorry for you and your family for whatever made you feel that way.

i would swap it for another gift. My mum would have no issue with this. He's four for goodness sake. Let him have his gift from Santa on Xmas day!Granny can pick something else.

You JUST said that most of the children you know turned out ok, but previously said it’s no wonder most children “turn out the way they do”.

That’s quite a reach there.

How is asking granny if she would mind swapping gifts “sabotage”? I don’t recall suggesting that the OP should just buy the gift anyway, did you make that part up?

I worry about your children and how they will grow up having such a dramatic mother.

My thoughts on demanding relatives swap gifts, I have to agree that it’s a bit rude and not teaching the child patience or any kind of resilience or appreciation. It’s also kind of setting in the notion that it’s only the child’s feelings that matter. I remember occasionally being disappointed or a bit bratty regarding gifts as a child and I was swiftly reminded that many children around the world have nothing at all and to be mindful of other people’s feelings including the gift givers.

Christmas spirit alive and well here then.

Granny should be allowed the joy of giving a much wanted gift, especially as she’s not there on Christmas morning to experience the excitement. DS still gets his toy and if it’s been explained to him beforehand he’ll be fine with it all.

None is saying demand! Have a conversation and swap isn't demanding.

Honestly I would want a child to have the present from Santa.

All this talk of entitlement etc. he is four it is Xmas day, feck off to Grinch land and let the family have the lovely story of how granny saved the day for Santa

In our home it made my mothers eulogy. Happy Christmas to you all even the Grinches.

No, common sense and good principles are alive and well here (though I wouldn't even take the photo).

No, I didn’t make it up. Perhaps you need to read the posts you respond to more carefully. You were responding to my post, which said that I considered @LivingLaVidaBabyShower 's post mean. She had said "if she won’t because she needs to be the bestower of this specific gift because SHE needs to see the joy then that’s kind of fucked up and i don’t have time for that nonsense.
I would buy that specific toy so my child had it on Xmas day and let her kick off when he is non plussed at getting a second one".

Common sense to potentially upset a child due to "principles", at age 4.

Yep I ain't in the Victorian English world you are in. I will stay in the less emotionally fucked up happy Ireland where Grannies want happiness for their doting grandchildren.

They leave the life disappointments lesson for another day.