What’s the best bit of advice you’ve ever received on MN?

[DressingAsMyFavouriteQualityStreet]

For me, there are loads, but there is one thing that is really working out for me.

On one of my many distraught threads about 2 toxic women I have to deal with in my DH’s family, I was told to “drop the rope” and “do nothing”.

I’ve been doing this for 3 years now, and it has transformed my MH and life around these people. It’s still a DH problem, yes. I just “do nothing”. When they texted me, I just diverted them to DH. I left him to arrange all meet ups, communication, remembering birthdays, everything. Turns out, it doesn’t get done if I’m not doing it. I grey rocked, dropped the rope, did nothing, and am still doing nothing, and I am now seeing them once a year where I smile and say nothing and grey rock it. It’s absolute bliss.

So, who’d have thought that doing nothing could change so much? Its amazing.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever got on MN and how has it helped you?

When DS was a baby: don't feed to sleep, feed when first awake and then DC self settle when tired.

That DC's dad had an anger problem, and his behaviour to me wasn't normal or acceptable. That it was in my power to say "no more". Sometimes I wonder whether I would be alive without this site. I know that I would have been a lot less happy.

Pls can you explain this ? Do you mean in terms of taking stuff out of a room it doesn't belong in?

Great thread.

My DH did something I didn’t agree with. Not abusive or criminal or dangerous or unfaithful but not totally inconsequential either.

The thread was vehemently divided on whether he was BU and was very slightly more supportive of me than him. It got really badly derailed and two posters became so extreme it the post got deleted. One response I did get to read was where a poster basically said, he has his POV, you have yours, he’s entitled to his opinion, everyone else doesn’t need to think the ‘right’ way according to you. She was a lot more erudite than that and I wish I could read it again.

Allied with the fact that a surprising amount (to me) of people actually agreed with him, the fact that someone just said ‘what actual difference does it make?’ was an epiphany.

I know this won’t be profound insight to a lot of people but it was to me - I don’t think I had a good model for that growing up, there was a ‘right’ and a ‘wrong’ and discord could never be let lie. So that idea was quite liberating; why not just leave it?

Never leave a room empty handed even
Pls can you explain this ? Do you mean in terms of taking stuff out of a room it doesn't belong in?

Yes. It was a thread where the OP was getting overwhelmed with her messy house. The advice is that every time you get up to go to another room you should take something with you: used mug or plate to the kitchen, rubbish to a bin, discarded socks to a bedroom etc.

I'm loving this thread!

I've levelled up to "I'm not going to be doing that"

Don't leave your washing out overnight because spider willies

@2SliceHillyI forgot about the spider willies!!!!! I will forever bring my washing in before nightfall because of this!!!

What 😭

What is the FWR board?

Feminism & Women's Rights - now split into two boards, Feminism Chat, and Feminism Sex & Gender discussions

Feminism and Women’s Rights board.

Yep that’s the one! I drop everything so this has enabled me to teach my brain that a knife on the floor is the best case scenario 😆

"Comparison is the thief of joy"

So true.

Popping back as another thread has reminded me of one! Someone posted a while ago on style and beauty that if you are looking to buy an item of clothing, think of three things in your wardrobe you currently own you could wear it with, or if it’s a full outfit (dress or jumpsuit), three occasions you could wear it. If you can’t do either, however much you love it or it’s a bargain etc, put it back.

Stops me having lots of things in my wardrobe I end up hardly ever wearing because there’s nothing it goes well with /can only be worn with one top (that’s never clean at the same time.)

Definitely that mental load exists! I’d never even heard the term, nor understood that I was shouldering 💯 of it in my marriage.

Thank you, just ordered one, they are on a Black Friday deal on Amazon 👌

Best things EVER!!

I can’t say I’ve ever received good advice on here, but after making one post (my only one ever) I realised just how nasty people can be, and how awful it can feel when you are posting because you need help.

I name change regularly and have noticed that it’s the same posters who usually like my comments. I find that interesting and think they are probably the kind of people I would get on with in real life!

The best advice I’ve ever heard wasn’t on mumsnet but I thought it was worth a post as it may just help someone…..
It’s brilliant for someone who suffers with guilt and mental health issues. They are words from Tyson fury
”Don’t worry about nothing because nothing wont worry about you”
Its transformed my way of thinking

on daily checking your banking - to save the pence in your account.

most of us have direct debits and daily spending going out throughout the month.
Everyday I check my bank - then save whatever pence is in there.
example - if I have £48.64 I save the 64p

I usually accumulate quite a few ££ every month - every 6 weeks it pretty much pays for my well deserved manicure!

Tomato based sauce stains on clothing - hang them up in a bright window, and the sun bleaches them out! It's saved me a fortune on school polo tops.

Not via MN OP but my general practice for many problems is to do nothing in haste and see what happens. 90% of the time the issues resolve themselves and the 10% that don’t feel much less stressful after a cooling down period.

My Chase account is set to do this; everything I spend is rounded up and put into a savings account. I live on my own so not a massive spender but it usually comes to around £150 per year which goes towards my holiday spending.