DH and DS think I "don't cook"

[BrokenOven]

In two separate conversions over the last few days, DS and then DH independently claimed that I "don't cook."

I don't exactly recall the conversation with DS. But DH and I were discussing whether to replace or repair our broken oven, and he claimed we don't need a new oven "because it's not like you cook, anyway."

I do cook. For them. Every day.

When I pointed this out, he hemmed and hawed a bit and then said, "Well, you don't need a fancy new oven, because you don't bake things like nice cakes or a souffle."

No, I don't have time for that. But I do cook supper for them every day and lunches on the weekend.

Just a moan, really.

"DH heats his own ready meal in the microwave. (DH has made it pretty clear he thinks these are the best meals he has all week.)"

This is awful! Your son is going to grow up thinking this is a normal way to treat his future partner. A classic case of because he never does it himself, he doesn't see or value the work. But not acceptable or inevitable.

Make sure you get your pyrolytic new oven. Your time is just as valuable as everyone else's.

So you both work full time but he thinks you should do all the cooking? I'd let him have his best food 7 days a week.

H is a massive fan of the ready meal. I do the shopping and refuse to waste my money on them, so he buys his own a lot of the time.

You need a working oven! Sod the arsehole. And you need to get on the ball now to make sure it can be delivered before Christmas.

I have a Hotpoint oven that's well over 20 years old. I stupidly took out a service plan on it years ago (never again!) and I just know if I cancel it the thing will die. It's had a few repairs, nothing major, the element replaced a few times. Every engineer who sees it recommends keeping it as long as possible because they say it's much better built than modern ovens are! Yours probably isn't in that category.

Your DH clearly isn't using the oven, so he can fuck off with his opinion! It's irrelevant. And unless he wants a shop-bought Christmas sandwich for his dinner on the big day, you need a new oven!

So he doesn't cook either?

So what's his point?

He can make his own soufflé and cakes if he wants!

I make soufflés, and I still think you should put your foot down and tell your dh that was total utter ass behaviour from a man who whines about making a toasted sandwich once every 4 weeks. Send him the oven you want and do not cook a single thing for him (I get why you’re cooking for ds) until he’s 1. Ordered it, 2. Apologised and thanked you for all the meals you provide and 3. Coached ds to do the same.
who, dare I ask, is cooking this Christmas meal his, not your, mum is coming over for?

Im going against the grain here

I kind of get where your husband is coming from - in a way - but I dont agree that you dont cook

When I had my new kitchen in I for the first time ever, got to choose the oven I wanted, and it wasnt cheap and tbh the only time I ever used the big oven was Christmas.

Come lockdown, it packs up, no chance of getting anyone in to repair it , had to order a new one from the local shop, again not cheap because I HAD to have the same functions as before - and Ive used it maybe a dozen times - last time was last September - thats 2023 not 24

So I have spent a lot of money on bells and whistles I dont use because I dont do that sort of cooking

BTW I do cook, Ive cooked for a living for long periods of my life

But technology has moved on, I now use two different types of air fryer, slow cooker, and combi microwave to cook because like most of us, I work, Im busy, I want tea on the table PDQ when I get home

I decided before I got my air fryers I "NEEDED" new saucepans, nowt wrong with what I had but I NEEDED new , again a lot of money, and I use two saucepans maybe 3 or 4 times a week

So I now have a lovely shiny clean eye level cupboard that has cost me more money then sense and Im guessing thats what your husband is alluding too

Frozen pizza and oven chips and part baked bread rolls all need an oven.

As does lasagna and lots of 1 tray meals.

As well as cakes, bread and fancy stuff.

So it serves a wide range of uses.

I currently have no microwave (no space and don't miss it), no air fryer (no space but kinda miss it), an induction hob (used to have gas, hate induction) nd an oven - and I use the oven constantly even though I am solo! And I haven't baked a thing in the year since I moved (10 months since I moved into the apartment out of temp apartment).

@BrokenOven can i just come in here and say that it is cheaper to get a new oven and hob together as a set, rather than buy separately. if it is gas oven, you obviously need a gas safe person to install it, but if it is electric, pull out the oven and just check behind to see if it is plug in oven or cable in the wall thing. they are both easy to change over. nip on to curry's website if there isnt one near you and get it or if you need it urgently (knowing how slowly curry's deliver) go to aol. I couldnt do without my oven and I too have a convection microwave. even if you just use the oven for grill the bacon on a sunday morning, it is a necessity!

@Codlingmoths

who, dare I ask, is cooking this Christmas meal his, not your, mum is coming over for?

I do. Except the ham. I put my foot down on that one. When we started hosting a few years ago, I told him that if he really didn't think a turkey and everything else that goes with it was enough for 4 people, and that we also really needed a ham, he would have to cook it.

And now every year he does.

once every 4 weeks is not a realistic schedule, to get into the swing of things. either alternate days or alternate meals.

ridiculous.

I get it’s upsetting but surely it’s best resolved by a conversation

You should give him it all to do, mine does the turkey, a honey glazed gammon and a joint of spiced beef for us + whatever friends show up, I would never do any of it.

That would result in a total withdrawal of meal preparation here. Just look after yourself for a month. See if they suddenly have to acknowledge you do cook. Fuck them. 💐

I wanted my DH to buy me the new Nadiya Hussain cook book for Christmas and he said "What for? You can't cook?" So I reminded him that he looks at porn on the Internet

That was my mike drop

Souffles - wtf !
How old is your son - if he is old enough to cook his own food - I would stop cooking for both of them - if they complain - I would say - how can you tell any difference - you said I didn't cook anyway.

Grr 😠 I’d stop cooking and have a fridge full of food that can be eaten as it is such as pre cooked chicken, cheese , quiche ,pasta salads , coleslaw all things that don’t need preparation or heating up .
I would also have tins of tuna , baked beans , sweetcorn plus maybe those frozen jacket potatoes.
Or maybe eat a hot cooked lunch by yourself at work if that is possible.

A few years ago, I did try getting DH into the cooking rotation. His job was to make sandwiches in his sandwich toaster for himself and DS once every 4 weeks as part of lunch. By a few months I was so tired of his complaining about it that I stopped asking. (Also, DS decided he didn't like toasted sandwiches anymore, or any kind of sandwiches at all.)

Surely this is a joke? He couldn’t manage to do two toasted sandwiches every MONTH!

OP the oven issue is the universe’s way of telling you you need to assert yourself and stop being a doormat. I’d be cooking for myself and maybe the kids and letting your partner survive on sandwiches for the foreseeable.

Yup. I'd stop cooking and just cook for yourself. Then they'll know what cooking is.

Similar-ish situation over here - I batch cook from scratch (soups, casseroles, pies, curries etc.) at the weekend for the whole week and my husband heats up food through the work week while I deal with toddler after nursery. Often makes wee jabs about how he "cooks" dinner every night and "does the washing up" - in the dishwasher. Bunging pre-made homemade food in the microwave then bunging the three plates and cutlery in the dishwasher is NOT cooking every night after work, nor is it doing the washing up 😡 ugh, sorry. A little triggered 😂

When I think how appreciative my DS are of my cooking I'm filled with rage on your behalf. They should be fucking grateful! When your son grows up he will miss the cooking you did for him.

I did all the Christmas cooking the first year and it was great. Somehow though, 8 years later, not only does he do everything (three joints: Christmas Eve, Day and New Year's Day, party food on Boxing Day and leftovers the rest of the time), he's reluctant for me to make my famous red cabbage (too much of it for three people) and my trifle (he makes one too). I asked him if there was anything for me to do this Christmas as he's really busy with work. He said no. He's not a control freak. He cooks all the meals actually. He just has a system and he loves doing it.

I am not complaining. I have to put up the Christmas tree which takes ages.

I did try getting DH into the cooking rotation. His job was to make sandwiches in his sandwich toaster for himself and DS once every 4 weeks as part of lunch. By a few months I was so tired of his complaining about it that I stopped asking.

Then he’s got what he wanted, hasn’t he?
He’s taking the piss. Plus your DS is obviously picking up the things he says and thinks about you.
How about, instead of stopping asking, you tell him to stop fucking moaning and grow up?
I’d be fucked if I’d cook for his mother either.

How rude.

The people who don't have to prepare meals really dont know the mental space, planning buying and preparing food takes up. I can't stand it. I'd definitely go on strike if I were you.

Blimmin' cakes and soufflé....really 😡

Why do they think you don’t cook? Who do
they think cooks the food they eat every day?

Not the point (which is that your husband is a cheeky sod) but you can get paper liners for the airfryer that reduces the cleaning.
Airfyers are still not as good as an oven though for baking or things like a lasagne in my opinion.
However just for fun here is an airfryer souffle recipe
Air fryer Chocolate Souffle – Ultrean

Well that's fucking rude.