DH and DS think I "don't cook"

[BrokenOven]

In two separate conversions over the last few days, DS and then DH independently claimed that I "don't cook."

I don't exactly recall the conversation with DS. But DH and I were discussing whether to replace or repair our broken oven, and he claimed we don't need a new oven "because it's not like you cook, anyway."

I do cook. For them. Every day.

When I pointed this out, he hemmed and hawed a bit and then said, "Well, you don't need a fancy new oven, because you don't bake things like nice cakes or a souffle."

No, I don't have time for that. But I do cook supper for them every day and lunches on the weekend.

Just a moan, really.

@BrokenOven didn’t he just mean that you don’t cook in the oven every day? Obviously you prepare food, because everyone eats it. But if most of what you make is stove top / microwave then you don’t use the oven every day? maybe it was clumsily worded.

Have you not read, or not been able to understand, the points about what 'freezer food' may be?
And so what if the OP does sometimes use food with UPFs and sugar? Everyone does their best with what time and other resources they have and I don't know where people like you get off, judging and snitting about it. Not to mention the husband, who complains about not getting soufflés and cakes but is strategically incapable of even toasting a sandwich once a month.

@StormingNorman

nah, people can have a quick tea like beans on toast or jacket potato with tuna and salad or whatever, stuff that doesn’t take much time and cooking. Meals that aren’t high in sugar and UPF either 😙

Perhaps suggest to OP that she can do that instead of her “freezer teas”.

Perhaps stop judging people quite so much just because you believe your cooking to be so superior.

The last time someone in my house said I didn't do something when I did backfired on them.I stopped doing it altogether for them.

That's why the DH has been doing his own laundry for the past 5 years.Funnily enough he's not accused me of not doing something since.

I did this with taking the bin out. I'm not sure who he thought was doing it but after him doing it once a week or so, he snapped and said he's sick of being the only one to take the bin out, after a bit of back and forth 3 or 4 times about the same thing I haven't done it since and it's been about 7 years now. I haven't heard anything similar since 😂

I don’t believe my cooking is superior and surely we all agree that cooking with fresh ingredients is healthier than UPF and sugar-loaded freezer foods. I thought this was just widely accepted scientific fact.

You suggested some alternatives yourself - you literally made my point for me. cooking from scratch doesn’t have to be expensive or time consuming or need a lot of thought. You gave examples!

a) the OP doesn't actually say what her 'freezer teas' are; they could be frozen home-made things and/or served with something like frozen veg.
b) I'll say again, everyone is just trying to do their best in their circumstances.
c) the OP didn't ask for advice on how to cook, she was annoyed at her DH's attitude to her contribution to the household.
d) Um, no, I haven't suggested any alternatives/given examples of meals.

OP asked if she was being reasonable and I gave my opinion. I wasn’t going to give chapter and verse on healthy cooking but you’re like a dog with a bone with me. If you hadn’t pushed me into defending my position, I wouldn’t have even commented a second time, let alone e third, fourth etc.

Sorry - it was @LuckySantangelo35 who suggest quick, fresh alternatives to freezer teas.

Please. I'm far from being the only person commenting on your posts. And if people don't like your position and aren't convinced by your defence of it, we're perfectly within our rights to keep the debate going.

You’re going to have to keep it going solo because I’m not engaging anymore if your intention is to keep harassing me by making the same point over and over. The debate is going nowhere so there’s no point to it.

Fair enough, I'm tired of it too. The debate is going nowhere largely because you haven't sensibly addressed my or other people's counter-points to yours.

No its not a widely accepted scientific fact - there isn't even an agreed definition of "UPF" which would be a prereq for capturing meaninful data. What we do have is individuals (often with no professional background in dietetics, population dietetics or nutrition) who have a vested interest in selling books and diet programmes. Screaming hysterically to the worried well has always been good marketing plan for that sector of the diet industry.

The evidence across long term research is summarised most effectively by Pollan - "eat food, not too much, mostly plants". The data typically shows an excess of specific types of processing combined with a shortage of fibres/plants and an overall calorie excess (particularly from saturated fats) contribute to poor health.

What it doesn't show is that processed food per se is harmful, just that balance and range matters. Processed foods in some cases can be nutritionally superior and at least as good as home made, especially where access to decent quality fresh ingredients is more difficult . Other processed foods (like some fresh foods) have near zero nutritional value. It is not the case that "fresh" = good and "processed" = bad - balance and specific cases matter.

Its a pity you couldn't be arsed to read the thread before commenting - the OP was quite clear in her post. DH does sod all to contribute to the food and cooking, he just adds extra complexity to it in the form of a third set of dietary requirements. The OP doesn't specify whether the "freezer teas" are batch cooked at the weekend (by her) or semi/fully prepared when bought - your assumptions are telling.

They also both work full time. Even if your assertion that the largely women's job shopping and food prep was a trivial activity were true - its still work being done by only one of the two WOHPs but aggravated and sneered at by the other WOHP.

So carry on virtuously shelling your own peas and peeling your chickpeas. The OP's problem is her DH, not her cooking skills.

There are so many lovely replies on this thread. OP I hope you take strength from the vast majority and find a way forward to get a bit more respect and appreciation from your husband and son. Plus, of course, the casting vote in the great oven debate.

@StormingNorman

I dont see anything wrong with freezer teas to be honest 🤷‍♀️ when parents have to work late, or the kids have been at clubs, or you’ve not had chance to go supermarket or whatever. Are you really gonna berate parents for this?! Do you not think their lives are hard enough?!

I don't really want to read any of your "paras".

I think you are missing the entire point of the whole thread.

I can see only one "dog with a bone" here... and it's not @MarkWithaC ...!!

(hope there's no fat on that bone, too unhealthy!)

Correct.
They need to see what 'dont cook' actually looks like.

As others have already said, stop cooking! Then, when DH asks what's for dinner, you say "I don't know, I don't cook remember?"

I'd do no cooking DH see how he likes it but he's got to think about his comments as your DS is already picking up on them. Oven looks great 👍

Or say what I say, "what's for dinner?" - reply, "I don't know, what are you making?"

Leave the oven broken , and don't cook for them- they will see it from a different perspective.

I don't bake at all ! I certainly cook

As others may have suggested then you do not cook. Literally. If you "don't cook" then they will be fine sorting themselves out then won't they? And you can say as much when they ask where dinner is ("I don't know, I don't cook do I?") 🤗 I would be having a serious conversation about attitude and how unacceptable it was to comment in that way and be assessing what you see in a partner and co-parent for your child (so providing a role model supposedly) who clearly believes it is not their role to cook but also has the audacity to criticise your efforts when it sounds like they are doing sweet nothing 🤯