DH and DS think I "don't cook"

[BrokenOven]

In two separate conversions over the last few days, DS and then DH independently claimed that I "don't cook."

I don't exactly recall the conversation with DS. But DH and I were discussing whether to replace or repair our broken oven, and he claimed we don't need a new oven "because it's not like you cook, anyway."

I do cook. For them. Every day.

When I pointed this out, he hemmed and hawed a bit and then said, "Well, you don't need a fancy new oven, because you don't bake things like nice cakes or a souffle."

No, I don't have time for that. But I do cook supper for them every day and lunches on the weekend.

Just a moan, really.

I'd be fuming and I would just stop cooking for them. The first time someone asks what's for dinner I'd reply "ask someone who cooks, apparently I dont".

Soufflés are for people with staff.

Male entitlement never ceases to amaze me. Just stop cooking Op.

@Ariela

she doesn’t need to serve anything. They can sort themselves out.

Actually stop cooking and see if they see a difference. When they ask where’s dinner etc you just reply I don’t know, I don’t cook remember.

absolutely agree with all the “stop cooking” advice 🤣
my DH is the opposite, he thinks freezer teas equate to “cooking” 😂 I could literally serve him a pizza warmed up from the freezer and to him this is cooking

No, no, no and I doubt it!

Actually I did make a soufflé once. My first (and last) go, about 15 years ago and it was bloody perfect (not meant to happen on first attempt). No way would a soufflé be on my meal planner. Once was quite enough.

Then are twats. My husband frequently told people I do NOTHING at home - I think he genuinely believed that as well. Until I flipped one day and asked him if he'd like me to stop doing everything I do and see what happens when there's no food shop, no meals, no tidying up, no daily cleaning the kitchen and making sure we have dishes, pans, etc, no quick clean of the bathroom, no making sure there are towels and toilet rolls in the bathrooms, no doing all the life admin, no entertaining or spending time with the kids.... That seemed to shut him up!

Ugh men!

My DH made a smart arsed comment about my laundry skills. I haven’t washed a sock of his in years. I would down tools on the day to day cooking and then just do a meal when it suits you

When did he last make a sufflay

( oh hec I am struggling with the spelling and yes I did just look at the word - and then came back to this post and the letters had gone )

I think it's obvious what you need to do here until you get a bit of gratitude!

They'd be doing their own fucking cooking from now on. Twats the pair of them.

I have never cooked a soufflé and never will. In fact I'm not entirely sure what a soufflé even is.

How very insulting, and demeaning of your DH and DS, OP. Also very short-sighted.
I'm sure many PPs have thought to say this first, but my first thought also was to stop talking about replacing your oven, and do what you can to make a meal, ( you must eat too, you know) and then see how long they last before they get you your new oven, and, Issue you with an apology ( yeah, right, I know, that'll never happen) .

Oh and don’t bother replacing your oven…spend the money on yourself op, like a spa day or whatever you like.

Soufflé? What the hell?

I was a stay at home mum for years when my children were growing up and cooked all meals from scratch, because I had the time. Never in all that time did it occur to me to cook something like a soufflé.

I did bake cakes, because again, I had the time but when I went back to work corners were cut.

I can't imagine there are many people (women, it's mainly women) with families -or those without tbh - getting home from work and saying to themselves 'I think I'll just rustle up a nice soufflé for dinner.' Especially, while everyone else sits around waiting for this 'fancy' meal to magically appear on a plate in front of them; oh, and don't forget you need to wear a frilly apron while you produce this culinary wonder OP.

If he wants a sodding soufflé, point him in the direction of the kitchen and tell him to make it himself.

And get a new oven. You'll need it to cook food for yourself. They can use it or not depending on whether they want to live on sandwiches or start learning to make their own meals.

How satisfying but also how very annoying you had to be that petty get the point made

im done discussing it now

Solidarity ✊

I stopped cooking for my lot years ago, unless I am in the humour. Everyone fends for themselves, likewise laundry.

However, the dishwasher is a constant source of battle, "I only used two plates!" "well htf do you think your French toast and bacon were cooked then?!!"

They don't hoover, dust, clean windows, clean bathrooms, do gardening, odd jobs... but apparently I do nothing. There's always food in the house - loo roll in the bathrooms (I think the fuckers eat it, they go through so much!!) These are all adults!!!

All I can do is as little as possible and then they point out cobwebs or dust! One is moving out fairly soon and it's just as well before there's murder!! Young adult professional who sees nothing wrong with kicking off her shoes and leaving them lying in the living room for me to trip over - I took 6.5 pairs to her room a couple of weeks back. I'd have thrown them up the stairs only I was afraid I'd hit a cat!! Empty drinks containers on the windowsill and TV unit... oh god!!! When I complain, I get, "well it's your house!"😡

@BrokenOven take my advice and draw your line in the sand today! I tried and even then it didn't work. Can't wait for eldest to have their own place so I can go there and treat it like shit in turn!

Then don’t cook (and I’ve never ever eaten a soufflé).

Off topic, but didn’t Bill Gates or Steve Jobs say Rolexes keep worse time than cheaper watches? Pretty sure I read that somewhere as someone asked why he didn’t wear an expensive watch.
On topic - I’d say if your DH really wants cake, what’s stopping him making one? I suspect he’d want fancy shmancy, but I’ve done a couple of small ones in my air fryer before and there’s also microwave mixes if he’s that desperate…

By 'you don't cook' do they just mean you don't use the oven specifically? Because I cook from scratch every day but I probably use my oven about once a week at most. Most of the things I cook are done on the hob or under the grill.

I'm being charitable here, obviously. But just wondering because of the example your DH gave about cakes/souffles whether he really means 'bake' rather than 'cook'.

Either way, I would definitely stop cooking immediately so they get a sharp lesson in what 'not cooking' really means! What a pair of twats.

If your cooking is 90% beige freezer food then they have a point (I did not get this impression from your OP, but I’m saying it anyway)

otherwise I agree with all the others saying have a break from cooking. Congratulations you just got rid of a regular chore.

edit: I love cooking and it’s not a chore to me. But it would be if my family were dicks about the food I make

For your DH and DS to turn around and say you don’t cook because you don’t bake is BS. I’d be fuming if I’d been told that. I’m the ‘chef’ in our family as my OH doesn’t cook, bake etc. she gives me feedback on what she preferred from what I’ve made, or what went well, what could’ve tasted better etc. but she’d never turn around and say I’m don’t cook because I don’t use the oven for everything or bake (I do but not often).

Hell, when our oven went to oven heaven, she didn’t question my choice of replacement and was supportive when I went over budget (she was paying) for a better (to me) model. She’s also very forgiving in general on the cost of some things I’ve bought to make life easier in the kitchen for me. My Wüsthof knives, Staub cast iron and Magimix equipment alone costs more than most people spend in a lifetime on their kitchen equipment.

OP show them what life would be like if you really didn’t cook for them. Just stop and let them fend for themselves for a bit. And what’s with the misogynistic claptrap ? Why is it your job to cook ‘nice things’ just because you’re a woman ?