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Original poster

DH and DS think I "don't cook"

260 replies

BrokenOven · 27/11/2024 09:59

In two separate conversions over the last few days, DS and then DH independently claimed that I "don't cook."

I don't exactly recall the conversation with DS. But DH and I were discussing whether to replace or repair our broken oven, and he claimed we don't need a new oven "because it's not like you cook, anyway."

I do cook. For them. Every day.

When I pointed this out, he hemmed and hawed a bit and then said, "Well, you don't need a fancy new oven, because you don't bake things like nice cakes or a souffle."

No, I don't have time for that. But I do cook supper for them every day and lunches on the weekend.

Just a moan, really.

OP posts:
evtheria · 27/11/2024 11:07

I'm so sorry they've been both stupid and rude about this, OP. I imagine it's frustrating but also hurtful.

Ponderingwindow · 27/11/2024 11:12

The best thing I did for my marriage was to stop cooking for my husband. It has been 20 years and I still rarely cook for him. He cooks or we prep our own meals. The reasons aren’t relevant to this thread. What is important is that you do not owe anyone your labor.

When people say you should stop cooking for them, it’s not a joke or an exaggeration. It doesn’t have to be permanent. In your case, a short strike should prove a point.

godmum56 · 27/11/2024 11:12

OliviaRodrighost · 27/11/2024 10:07

Fucking hell. I’d be livid! Sandwiches for them for supper every day from now on then.

nope. Not sandwiches, nothing. They want it, they get it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General food
Toomanyemails · 27/11/2024 11:13

A souffle!!

mamajong · 27/11/2024 11:15

Tbh I tell my DH he doesn't cook. What i mean by it is when I cook i make things from scratch, where as he makes things that go on trays, uses jars of sauce etc. It's not malicious and he doesn't take it that way - I do most of the meals because I enjoy it, but when I cba DH makes dinner and cuts corners because he doesn't enjoy it and this works for us.

Was it just a clumsily worded way of saying you don't need a fancy oven as you are just heating things up? No judgement and it was thoughtless but perhaps that's all it was, rather than a deliberate slight?

Lindy2 · 27/11/2024 11:16

Time for your DS and DH to cook then.

As you "don't cook" then they shouldn't notice much difference when you really don't cook anymore.

How very rude of them.

Ariela · 27/11/2024 11:16

Serve only salad from now on. And stuff that's non oven - so no oven chips. You don't cook/need an oven, remember

MerlotMisery · 27/11/2024 11:17

BrokenOven · 27/11/2024 09:59

In two separate conversions over the last few days, DS and then DH independently claimed that I "don't cook."

I don't exactly recall the conversation with DS. But DH and I were discussing whether to replace or repair our broken oven, and he claimed we don't need a new oven "because it's not like you cook, anyway."

I do cook. For them. Every day.

When I pointed this out, he hemmed and hawed a bit and then said, "Well, you don't need a fancy new oven, because you don't bake things like nice cakes or a souffle."

No, I don't have time for that. But I do cook supper for them every day and lunches on the weekend.

Just a moan, really.

What sorts of things do you cook?

OliviaRodrighost · 27/11/2024 11:17

godmum56 · 27/11/2024 11:12

nope. Not sandwiches, nothing. They want it, they get it.

Show quote history

Sorry, I meant they could make their own sandwiches! I can see it came across that I meant the OP should make them.

Codlingmoths · 27/11/2024 11:18

If dh said I don’t cook then. I. Would. Not. Cook. I would however pan fry a single piece of salmon and eating it, telling him he must be delusional and should see a gp, since I couldn’t possibly be eating freshly cooked salmon as I have it on the best possible authority that I do not cook.

goingforbronze · 27/11/2024 11:18

Souffle? Does your DH think he married Nigella Lawson?!

Seriously, either stop cooking for a while or produce a written weekly menu for them and ask what meals they'd like you to prepare then point out they're all properly cooked. Not raw, not microwaved, not pre-prepared, not ready meals ...cooked by you! Then tell them which night it's their turn to do dinner..

Autumndayz77 · 27/11/2024 11:19

Another vote for stop cooking for them...

Codlingmoths · 27/11/2024 11:19

Why would this just be a moan? Why would this not be a hill that yes I fucking well will die on? That seems eminently reasonable to me.

Alstation · 27/11/2024 11:20

bifurCAT · 27/11/2024 10:51

So this is just them thinking their are hierarchies of cooking. It's obvious you DO cook, but nothing (don't hate me) 'sophisticated' enough to warrant an oven with precision temperatures.

I'd think of this like an Amazon watch vs. a Rolex. If all you're doing is going to work, needing to be in time for a meeting, keeping a watch that loses a second every month isn't going to kill you. They're saying there's no need for a Rolex.

It's more akin to telling the person who owns the only watch in the house, and keeps everyone else on time for all their meetings, that they never bother to look at their watch.

Whether to replace or repair the oven is a question OP should have the casting vote on. She's the expert on how well it worked before it broke. I don't know what her current oven was like before it broke, but a new oven to replace an old rubbish one is not a Rolex.

Sia8899 · 27/11/2024 11:23

A soufflé 😂😂😂. I’d have thought most people who cook have never cooked a soufflé!

Unless you’re just microwaving ready meals it sounds like you do cook! But you shouldn’t bother for them any more until they start to appreciate it. I assume your DH will start baking nice cakes and soufflés himself 😊

GoldenLegend · 27/11/2024 11:25

redskydarknight · 27/11/2024 10:43

Possibly I've misunderstood, but it sounds like DH is saying you don't cook with the oven - not that you don't use the hob/slow cooker/air fryer/microwave.

If you don't currently use the oven it's valid to say that you don't need a new one ...

Until they want a roast on Christmas Day. Or a pie heating up. And why the fuck should the OP have to justify needing a basic piece of equipment?

DemonicCaveMaggot · 27/11/2024 11:25

My entire immediate family repeatedly and severely pissed me off one day so I went to Aldi and they had a bag of spinach and watercress salad with fat free dressing for tea.

I suggest something similar for your DH and DS.

Fraaahnces · 27/11/2024 11:31

Easy… “What’s for dinner, Mum?”
“Why are you asking me? I don’t cook.”
”What’s for dinner, Love?”
”I don’t cook, remember.”
I’d be happily munching on crackers and cheese while they sort their own shit out. I would also leave a few cut out pictures of the oven you want on the fridge.
Fucking sexist dickheads treating you like you’re invisible!

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 27/11/2024 11:32

STOP - then they will see it wasn't the fairies that catered for them!

Dollybantree · 27/11/2024 11:32

BrokenOven · 27/11/2024 09:59

In two separate conversions over the last few days, DS and then DH independently claimed that I "don't cook."

I don't exactly recall the conversation with DS. But DH and I were discussing whether to replace or repair our broken oven, and he claimed we don't need a new oven "because it's not like you cook, anyway."

I do cook. For them. Every day.

When I pointed this out, he hemmed and hawed a bit and then said, "Well, you don't need a fancy new oven, because you don't bake things like nice cakes or a souffle."

No, I don't have time for that. But I do cook supper for them every day and lunches on the weekend.

Just a moan, really.

And his body is now under the patio, right?

PaulaNMillstoneJennings · 27/11/2024 11:34

If none of you cook, how did you find out the oven was broken?

HerkyBaby · 27/11/2024 11:38

OP 10 years ago the cheap range type cooker we inherited when we bought the house was on its last legs. Only one of the pan rings worked and both of the ovens were incinerating their contents. I complained and casually suggested that we needed a new cooker etc. My husband’s solution was to come home with a camping type electric hob thing with two rings.
so I suggest that you only prepare food that does not need to be cooked in an oven . This will mainly be tinned soup, baked beans. As others suggest such foods can easily be prepared by your husband. While they are doing this you should ring round local food establishments and find out the cost per person for eating out over Christmas and then compare that with with the price of the new oven you want.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 27/11/2024 11:38

BrokenOven · 27/11/2024 09:59

In two separate conversions over the last few days, DS and then DH independently claimed that I "don't cook."

I don't exactly recall the conversation with DS. But DH and I were discussing whether to replace or repair our broken oven, and he claimed we don't need a new oven "because it's not like you cook, anyway."

I do cook. For them. Every day.

When I pointed this out, he hemmed and hawed a bit and then said, "Well, you don't need a fancy new oven, because you don't bake things like nice cakes or a souffle."

No, I don't have time for that. But I do cook supper for them every day and lunches on the weekend.

Just a moan, really.

When I pointed this out, he hemmed and hawed a bit and then said, "Well, you don't need a fancy new oven, because you don't bake things like nice cakes or a souffle."

Cheeky sod.

I would be at "you don't need a fancy new car, you don't take us racing" "you don't need a fancy new drill, you don't build designer furniture" "you don't need a fancy new suit you're not a model" every time he proposed buying anything at all until I got a grovelling apology.

You don't need a "fancy new oven" just one that isn't broken. Which is going to be new (who buys a second-hand oven?) and probably fancy because new ovens have fancy features. It may even have some features that make cooking easier for you.

NewDaye · 27/11/2024 11:40

Well, what do you cook?

do you cook from scratch or is it more heating things up? Maybe that makes sense in the context but I don’t know

JingsMahBucket · 27/11/2024 11:42

@BrokenOven this is really shitty. I would feel hurt by them. I'm sorry that happened and I'd stop cooking or cleaning or whatever for them. Not necessarily silent treatment but just go on strike, quite possibly permanently. There are also possibly deeper issues going on in your marriage where your husband isn't appreciating you overall?