DH and DS think I "don't cook"

[BrokenOven]

In two separate conversions over the last few days, DS and then DH independently claimed that I "don't cook."

I don't exactly recall the conversation with DS. But DH and I were discussing whether to replace or repair our broken oven, and he claimed we don't need a new oven "because it's not like you cook, anyway."

I do cook. For them. Every day.

When I pointed this out, he hemmed and hawed a bit and then said, "Well, you don't need a fancy new oven, because you don't bake things like nice cakes or a souffle."

No, I don't have time for that. But I do cook supper for them every day and lunches on the weekend.

Just a moan, really.

I do have time to make cakes & soufflé but I don't do it because I don't want to!

I also use the hob more than the oven but that doesn't mean I don't cook.

Is your husband confusing baking with cooking?

Ungrateful swines! Echoing everyone else - stop cooking for them completely until they learn to appreciate it.

It's a stupid, disrespectful remark regardless of what OP cooks with, it's not her job to prepare food and stick it under their snouts....

Sorry... You can't have a new cooker because you never make soufflés?!? Is your DH from 1950?

I don't think my husband would dare come home if he said that to me, would be furious.

I would be doing absolutely no cooking, soufflé or otherwise, for at least 2 weeks. Cold sandwiches for every meal.

I’d tell him in no uncertain terms that from say the day after tomorrow, it’s entirely down to him to cook (and shop for what’s needed) or else buy ready meals

And when he asks why, ‘Because I don’t cook, remember?’

He's going to be buggered if he likes turkey or meat joints for Christmas then, isn't he. Unfortunately so will OP.

Whoever uses the appliance/does the job gets to decide, whether it's a cooker, washing machine, hoover or whatever. Does he ever use the cooker @BrokenOven ?

I don't get why your automatic answer was "fine, i don't cook"

and then only ever cook things for yourself. And don't just do it for a week, do it for at least 3 months. Let them take over shopping, meal-planning and cooking.

Alternatively: buy a new oven and don't let them use it ever, only use it for yourself.

very early on in our marriage (40+ years) i said that i wanted a dishwasher (both full time full on jobs) and DH made the mistake of saying "we don't need one, i do most of it anyway"

So i just stopped. And within a month we had one, and haven't been without one since then.

Please tell us you’re going to stop cooking!

I wouldn't be cooking for them again for a long while tbh.

Here for the updates when you "continue" not cooking for them for the next couple of weeks.

So this is just them thinking their are hierarchies of cooking. It's obvious you DO cook, but nothing (don't hate me) 'sophisticated' enough to warrant an oven with precision temperatures.

I'd think of this like an Amazon watch vs. a Rolex. If all you're doing is going to work, needing to be in time for a meeting, keeping a watch that loses a second every month isn't going to kill you. They're saying there's no need for a Rolex.

Start cooking like a man. Loudly and preformatively and making a big mess whilst you do so. Then they'll notice.

Not replacing a broken oven is the behaviour of a miser (unless you're extremely broke).

Just a moan? Blimey you've got every right!

This is quite bizarre. Did it make you doubt your sanity (just briefly?) when they (er, independently?) came out with that?

Isn't this the epitome of gaslighting?

I would find this almost sinister - bizarre at the very least. Maybe they came out with it separately, but clearly your DS and DH have agreed this previously together somehow. Utterly baffling, unless they don't know where 'cooked' food comes from or never witness you cooking. Do they live in a separate wing? Separate planet?

Yes, I agree with other posters saying 'Stop cooking', but I would also question whether you are even speaking the same language as DS and DH. What do they understand by the work 'cook'?

Set up a rota, so that everyone takes turns to cook. Honestly - I've started getting my sons and daughter to take a turn cooking each week and it's a game changer. Cooking is so much more fun when you're not the only one who ever does it.

@BrokenOven you need to put down plates with raw chicken leg, uncooked potatoes, and some yorkshire pudding batter uncooked poured on the side/ ofcourse you need a bloody oven!!

Then why has she not said that? The response to "you don't need an oven because you don't use it to cook" is surely "but I cook x,y and z" using the oven ... not to focus on the "not cooking" part of the response.

I know lots of families that don't use their ovens now.

Let them start making the meals then.

Sorry typo 'word'.

Same. I want to see how long it is before OP’s DH caves.

STBXH once said something along the lines of “well you don’t have to cook every meal from scratch.” He lasted 4 days on ready meals before he was eating his words.

ExCUSE me?! Well if he doesn't think 'you' need a new oven because 'you' don't cook enough then he can fucking make his own sandwiches and beans on toast for the rest of time, I guess. If the oven is broken it needs fixing or you stop using it at all and he has to suffer the consequences. By 'he' I mean your DH, who is the problem here and setting the tone. I'm assuming the oven is broken enough to be an issue or you wouldn't be having the argument, so I'm on your side: you need functional appliances. End of. Maybe it doesn't need to be a super expensive oven but it needs to do what you need it for, including things you do rarely but can't opt out of e.g. roast dinners.

Oh I'd be making the most of this, OP.
Book that nice restaurant for Christmas lunch right away. What about NYE? Better look into a lovely hotel night out with food and an overnight stay.
What if he invites family or friends over? Has he any good buffet ideas? You can put your feet up and relax. Enjoy!!

Nice cakes and souffles??

Is he genuinely expecting you to bake nice cakes and souffles regularly? Throw Mary Berry's book at him (I'd be aiming for the head or groin, but then I'm not a nice little woman) and tell him to crack on.

They are very stupid and that's all I can really say. I hope they are very unhappy with the action I would love to think you're about to take.

Omg @BrokenOven Dh gets a Gousto subscription for Christmas and Ds gets an airfryer!!
Cut their nonsense off right now.
Pull right back on being their service provider.
What a horrible thing to hear.