Can’t Believe what I’ve done

[Frostyliss]

Morning

I have done something so bad, and I am really beating myself up over it

i’m 43, divorced and a single mum of two teenagers. Last year we moved into a new village and I have made a real effort to get to know people and make new friends. I am really into fitness and have joined a circuit training group. This is also become part of my social life.

last weekend I went on a night out with the people that I train with. There were lots of other people there who I hadn’t met, friends of friends etc at the end of the night some of them came back to my house for more drinks. The kids were staying at their dads so I didn’t have to worry about that.

The guy who runs the circuit training had a couple of friends with him. He is in his early 20s and I assumed that they were around the same age.

To cut a very long story short after a few more drinks and a lot of flirting with one of the guys who was there with the circuit trying to leader, I ended up sleeping with one of them.

This is very very out of character behaviour for me. I’m 43 and I haven’t had a one night stand since I was 20.

So here is the main issue. The guy that I slept with stayed in my bed until the morning. We were chatting the following day and I was explaining that I didn’t normally do this sort of sort of thing etc. He asked my age and complimented me. I asked his… he was 19

I literally felt my legs in go jelly like. I assumed that he was in his early 20s. I know that isn’t much older, however, it just feels different.

I feel really disgusted with myself and can’t stop thinking about what a massive mistake I have made it’s certainly won’t be happening again

I get on well with the circuit training leader and spoke to him about it last night and he told me that I was overthinking it and that I was just having some fun.

I keep thinking that people would take a very dim view of what I have done if I was a man sleeping with a 19-year-old woman

Am I overthinking this?

The difference being that OP had had a few drinks and had no idea he was so young and is feeling disgusted now she knows. The man in the other thread actually pursued a 19 year old knowing her age to the point of getting married, having kids and keeping her as his dependent stay at home wife.

Very different scenarios.

Typical man taking advantage of a woman after a few drinks.

You could just as easily say OP took advantage of him, given that she's well over twice his age.

I‘m younger than you but I‘d feel a bit uneasy about a 19yo as well! I absolutely understand where you’re coming from.

But I don’t think it’s objectively horrible. You’re both consenting adults, you didn’t coerce him and (hopefully) both enjoyed yourselves. And It is just a ONS. It would be different if you’d actually start a relationship with him.

@Frostyliss you need to wear a hair shirt and build a stake to set fire to yourself on.

It's not great but you can't change it. The shock will wear off and you'll stop thinking about it in time.

Apologies @FupaTrooper , thought I was tagging OP but it won’t let me edit now 😢

It’s a bit tacky but it’s not the end of the world. Laugh it off and carry on with your life. People will forget soon enough.

I hope one of your teenage kids doesn’t date him in the future. Also hope you’re not pregnant.

I’ll be honest, my initial response is “oh yuck”, as it would be if the man was the older party in this scenario. Not much to do about it now other than try and style it out. Personally I’d get a response prepared along the lines of ‘oh god, I’m really embarrassed about that, last time I drink that much red wine!’ for if it ever get brought up as gossip.

Yes you are overthinking. Time to let it go.

Sorry, i was being sarcastic because the double standards in this thread are unbelievable.

Honestly? My eldest son is 19 and yes, I would take a pretty dim view of a 43yo who slept with him. (Wouldn't be impressed at his own actions either). Reckon the real moral of this story for you is moderate your drinking on nights out.

When I was younger, there was a boy in my group of friends who slept with a woman over 20 years older than him after a night out. The gossip quickly spread. Us girls were grossed out but the boys were all high fives and crude jokes.

Anyway, despite apparently using protection, she ended up pregnant and the poor guy’s future was forever changed. He wasn’t laughing about it so much after that!

To the people who say do what you want… you’ve got to be prepared for consequences and sleeping with anyone is never without risk.

I'm intrigued as to how you started that conversation with the trainer?

"Oh by the way - I banged Harry last night. What ya think of that?"

Here's the thing, though: when I was 19, I had a fling with a man in his mid to late 30s and I really did thank my lucky stars. We got on really well and the sex was absolutely incredible. I'm in my late 40s now, and I still have happy memories. Honestly, sleeping with him was one of the best decisions I ever made.

A 19 year old is not a child.

Never said they were....

Don't be so judgemental.

The OP asked for opinions. I gave mine. You don't agree with that and I don't agree with yours 🤷‍♀️

I would bet folding money the 19 year old did not regret sleeping

I did say similar, the teenager seems ok with the encounter in the morning, so no need for any "bets". Not all 19 year olds are the same.

Well the mothers of 19 year olds need to learn that their opinions on the matter are entirely moot. I doubt any lad that age is going to go home and tell his mum about it. I have absolutely no problems in imagining a man that age being attracted to a woman the OPs age. I did used to know a very wild corporate lawyer of 35 ish who had an experience with an older woman when he was a student who only dated older women after that ( and I mean older than the OP) He found they were better in bed than the women his own age. Ultimately no one died - I’d style it out and move on with my life.

@Frostyliss did you ask permission from the guy in question before telling someone else in your circle that you had slept together? If not that was really not appropriate. He may not have wanted that being talked about with others.

But a 19 yo man can take advantage of a woman of any age......

No wonder you feel disgusted at yourself OP. I’m confused as to why if he would have been a couple of years older, you would have been ok with it though. 🤨

I see the men from the sex board have arrived, any mention of sex and they’re here.

What do you mean "technically" a teenager? As if there's some leeway? He IS a teenager, no ifs, no buts!

Just imagine if this was being written by a 43yo man talking about sleeping with a 19yo girl. The responses would be very different, wouldn't they.

If you can't control yourself after a drink, don't drink. That's all.

Why was it ok early 20s ..its still a bit weird. If it was a man I would say typical dirty old man .
Why not meet people a bit older. Then you don't have to have the shame the next day

Funny how women see this as something embarrassing and weird and yet society allows men to sleep with women less than half of their age the whole time without comment.