Can’t Believe what I’ve done

[Frostyliss]

Morning

I have done something so bad, and I am really beating myself up over it

i’m 43, divorced and a single mum of two teenagers. Last year we moved into a new village and I have made a real effort to get to know people and make new friends. I am really into fitness and have joined a circuit training group. This is also become part of my social life.

last weekend I went on a night out with the people that I train with. There were lots of other people there who I hadn’t met, friends of friends etc at the end of the night some of them came back to my house for more drinks. The kids were staying at their dads so I didn’t have to worry about that.

The guy who runs the circuit training had a couple of friends with him. He is in his early 20s and I assumed that they were around the same age.

To cut a very long story short after a few more drinks and a lot of flirting with one of the guys who was there with the circuit trying to leader, I ended up sleeping with one of them.

This is very very out of character behaviour for me. I’m 43 and I haven’t had a one night stand since I was 20.

So here is the main issue. The guy that I slept with stayed in my bed until the morning. We were chatting the following day and I was explaining that I didn’t normally do this sort of sort of thing etc. He asked my age and complimented me. I asked his… he was 19

I literally felt my legs in go jelly like. I assumed that he was in his early 20s. I know that isn’t much older, however, it just feels different.

I feel really disgusted with myself and can’t stop thinking about what a massive mistake I have made it’s certainly won’t be happening again

I get on well with the circuit training leader and spoke to him about it last night and he told me that I was overthinking it and that I was just having some fun.

I keep thinking that people would take a very dim view of what I have done if I was a man sleeping with a 19-year-old woman

Am I overthinking this?

You really must get out more.

Are you planning on going back to the gym class?

Sex positive goes hand in hand with a 40+ feminist who knows what she wants, chooses carefully and is proud of who she is.

So how many kcal you burn ?

It’s a known thing that some young men see it as a badge of honour to sleep with much older women and compete with their friends... not that I’m implying this has happened on this occasion. I don’t think the same can be said for young women.

😂.

This! Hold your head high OP!

It is a bit grim but not illegal.

Not a mid life crisis. A mid life renaissance!

Your trainer is correct you are overthinking it. You're consenting adults who had some fun.

Ugh. All the ‘You go girl!’ posts. Equally as grim. I’d bet my house you wouldn’t say that to a man.

A 19 year old is not a child. No-one over the age of 16 is a child - and 16 year olds do not regard themselves as children. Perfectly ok for a 42 year old to sleep with a 19 year old. Don't be so judgemental.
I would bet folding money the 19 year old did not regret sleeping with a woman who knew what she was doing and how to do it!

You're probably getting up right about it as technically he's still a teenager but over the age of consent.

I'd draw a line under it and move on. Unless it was good and you enjoyed it? I'd be inclined to do it again if you did! ☺️

On this occasion it was a great idea!

And I maintain that if the tables were turned age wise, you absolutely wouldn't be saying that the woman is an adult because she's "paying taxes, can have a mortgage ...etc". He's a young man at 19 and still a teenager. I'd like to see a man how a man was treated, if he came on here and detailed how he'd slept with a 19 year old woman. Sex positive? For having sex with a teenager that she now feels guilty and disgusted about?

Bollocks.

There are a lot of men pretending to be women on mumsnet. You slipped up on a thread a while ago. She….no.

Ugh no need to go all weird and cheerleader about it. Seriously why can't people just be midrange and matter of fact about sex rather than always trying to turn it into some 'thing'.

The woman doesn't need a medal or a round of applause for sleeping with someone.

Sensing a shift to actually grim on this thread so that's all from me.

Now that's what I call HIIT workout

I agree it's extremely embarrassing but it could have been worse so move on. You told the guy it's not your usual behaviour & it was fueled by alcohol so that should be the end of it. Perhaps it's time to seek out a proper relationship OP.

Hes over the age of consent so this isn't really an issue and I think you should stop beating yourself up over it.

You aren't going to marry this man. You got drunk, had some fun, everything was consenting and fine.

As a PP said only thing that might be an issue is if your children run in the same circles as this person/know each other socially (not sure of their ages) then it may be a bit embarrassing for them.

Otherwise, chin up and have a laugh over it. Was a bit of fun and harmless imo.

Check ID in future! Like what if he had been a mature-looking 16?! I’ve seen some much older- looking boys and girls at school prize-giving: some practically look middle aged…

I’m trying to teach my son to at least figure out a way to see some ID or be VERY sure of age before (in the future) taking someone home, as a couple of years ago a friend’s son brought home a girl who had lied about her age and next thing the police were round and arrested him. Long story but @FupaTrooper I hope you will be careful in future. It doesn’t seem like you’re planning to make a habit of it, which would be a bit grim, just as it would be with a man habitually sleeping with young girls.

No it’s not disgusting, because it was consensual, they’re both adults.
Your comment, however is another level of disgusting, you’re judging others on your own standards, is that what you would do, sleep with someone then, laugh about them, with your ‘mates’

This

Because the violent crime, sexual abuse and harassment / coercion stats don’t lie. Overwhelmingly men who are the perpetrators.
If A 19 year old man feels uncomfortable / trapped / wants to escape for any reason at the time of the encounter or afterwards, they are far far more likely to be able to over power a 43 year old woman. If a 19 year old girl wants to escape or feels threatened how likely do you think it is that they are going to escape a 43 year old man. Not very likely is it?
You can never ever compare these situations between men and women. To do so gives me the rage. It just diminishes the every day fear, worries and precautions women take at every turn to keep themselves safe.
That’s not to say there aren’t cases where women have been violent or absiive of course. But generally speaking, it’s just not in any way a level playing field.

People who are pathetic might gossip about grown consenting adults but they will move on once something else exciting happens in their lives, like they get their Clubcard vouchers early or something.

This did make me chuckle! 😁

OP, it's done now and it doesn't sound as if the bloke was mortified or anything. I'd just be worrying that my teenage kids would find out!