Just turned around and walked out of friends house. May have over reacted!

[SafeMouse]

Me (5'0 female) has a good friend (6'2 male). Every few weeks I go to his house for a few drinks and a catch up. This has been going on since 2019. We bubbled together during lockdown as we are both in single households.

Every summer I walk down to his. Its across the otherside of town about a 25 min walk. Part of the way is through a bit of a badly lit seedy area. When it starts to get dark I get an uber. Have for 5 years.
EVERY single bloody year when I start getting ubers I get 'lazy' jokes and teasing. I have patiently explained why I'm not comfortable walking in the dark. I have explained it in the context of Sarah Everard. I have made light of it. I have got annoyed. I've snapped. I've even had the uber drop me off a street away so he doesn't see.

Got to his tonight and get the 'haha, I saw the uber, feeling lazy today are we'?
I put my coat back on and walked out.
I'm now sitting in the pub at the end of his road wondering whether
A) go back and explain again for the 50th time why I don't walk in dodgy areas in the dark
B) order an uber and go back home.

I'm a little bit thinking I've overreacted but it's been the same joke for 5 sodding years with obviously no attempt to understand.

No, I’d have reacted in the same way. He just doesn’t understand! What a lucky position to be in.

Tbh, it might be less effort for the OP to go over to his. Less preparation, i.e housework where visitors are concerned, and clearing and tidying up at the end of the day/night too.

I definitely wouldn't be helping him next time, especially after giving her yet "another" good and valid reason to walk out, and for wasting her time and money too!

I cannot agree more with all that’s been said already.

One of my best and most trusted friends is male. He is the epitome of a good guy but does he get it? Of course he doesn’t. I could totally see him making a similar comment in jest.

One other thought re: our sad agreement that They just don't get it.

He'd have understood the risk if it had been a kid walking home, wouldn't he? Say, a 12-year-old boy.

So what's the difficulty in OP's case? She's a similar - smaller - size, with similar - potentially quite a lot less - physical strength, than that hypothetical lad. And at least as much of a target.

(If anyone worries the analogy infantilises women, my point is simply that men can get it. It's not hard to grasp).

I guess I can see how some men may find it difficult to know when and how to proffer their "protection" in some contexts nowadays without being seen as sexist or patronising. Mr You've-Just-Got-What-You-Asked-For-Feminists' earlier post does (I suspect, entirely unconsciously!) highlight some complex issues. Like, chivalry was always a valuable tool of the patriarchy, so of course we're wary of it... but there could also be a certain empathy and humanity behind it in its recognition of biological difference that we really still need to a degree.

Teasing all this apart in some contexts is tricky. We're equal. We're also different.

But in this case and so very many cases? Come one, people! We're not asking for cloaks over puddles, just a modicum of awareness of the realities of the world we live in.

He really doesn't get it. Idiot, I am afraid.

He's messing with you and as long as you react he will keep doing it. Give it back to him and laugh about it with him.

Men also look over their shoulder too! Men are not safe from harm, what a sexist assumption!

@Catiette Hugs, that sounds creepy at best. The body language doesn't sound remotely like "Bugger, this isn't my floor," here.

That's another thing we're lumbered with because of men - constantly second-guessing ourselves. Because - as in the OP - it isn't Nice or Kind or even Reasonable to be wary or suspicious of male behaviour, or to take precautions. We're always supposed to give them the benefit of the doubt, even when our gut is screaming warnings at us. And then, or course, it's heads-I-win, tails-you-lose when we do what we're socialised to do, and a man rapes or abducts or murders us, or subjects us to "domestic" violence. Why didn't you get away? Why didn't you take a cab? Why did you, why didn't you? It's the old "when you're a woman, you're wrong".

Oh dear...

Find another friend.

Facepalm or headdesk, take your pick ...

The empathy and understanding of women's reality are dripping off the screen, @Sheri99

Both, of course...but nowhere near to the same degree.

BOTH men and women are in danger on a dark street at night!

From MEN. And out of men and women, who do you think has a better chance of surviving a man attacking them?

Men with their height, strength, testosterone and often inflated egos are better at fighting and better at defence. Sex matters.

Also, I'm not being sexist by pointing out sexual differences if that's thrown up.

FFS, have you no idea for whose benefit society is and always has been organised? Who gets punished for even fighting back against men? Who is persecuted for not wanting men entering female-only places?

Men are not in danger of rape from an entire demographic that has a massive physical advantage over them and sexual desire for them. Have you even read @Catiette's posts? This What About The Men is a bog-standard misogynistic deflection.

Lol you carry a gun because you know you have no chance against a man who wants to hurt you. Your husband carries a gun because he knows he has no chance against a man with a gun.

Now, if you were in the UK, you wouldn't be shouting about how both men and women are equally in danger of walking at night because you would realise men don't worry about men with guns here. But women always have to worry about men, gun or not.

Aaand there we have it, an MRA whining about the poooor men and how guns are so helpful (guess what, where a lot of us live carrying guns is not even legal). If it wasn't for male violence none of these protective measures would be necessary, so yes, it is males at fault.

What are you blathering about? We just want men to not attack us, not harass and rape and kill us. If they stopped doing that, there'd be nothing to protect us from.