Daugher not happy with gift we gave her

[jouxlake]

We bought our daughter an expensive jewellery gift for her birthday, she chose it, it was plus GBP1,000. She chose it, she apparently loved it, tonight she messaged me and said 'I don't like it, can we return it'. which I know is not an option. Turns out her boyfriend said he didn't like it, prefers the next up design which is double the price. I am livid at how impressionable she is, livid at him for undermining a gift from her parents. But overall, I am fucking so upset and really gutted that she had no appreciation for what gifted her.

She can save up and buy the more expensive one herself. You keep the rejected one yourself and wear it with pride.

I'd be wary of the boyfriend.
My sister was in a relationship with a gambler who nicked and sold her personal belongings to fuel his habit..
Wonder why he is so keen on her having the more expensive necklace.

Because he doesn't want you to see him for who he is, perhaps?
Just bide your time.
This really is likely going to be your daughter's first, not only, love.

Gosh I would be absolutely heartbroken over this and feel as though it had been thrown in my face. I think you are more hurt than angry and I would be too. It’s the deep hurt that only a child can inflict on her mother. All I can say is that boys can have such an influence over our girls. I’m currently experiencing this with my own DD 19. We have made so many plans and she’s let me down due to her boyfriend wanting her all to himself. I’ve been astounded tbh.
I would say nothing else, sometimes silence is more powerful than words. I’m afraid for the next few years there would be no gifts to open, just an envelope with £50 and a card saying “buy something you like” She will realise this is the consequences of her actions.

This!!!

She cannot take it back though.

Bummer.
In that case, I'll wear it myself.

Return it to the shop, keep the money/gift voucher and get yourself something.

Ungrateful little cow

Keep it yourself. In future, for her birthday, put £30 in a card

I would give it some time. Better to let her realise her mistake then to try and fix and fix something that was never the problem.

Fingers crossed it will all be fine.

Make sure she is on good contraception

Around a grand for a hitman!!! May not be a very good one though.

Why? 20-year-olds are newly minted adults. They have next to no life experience. They still need to fall on their faces a few times. Impressionable is part of the package. Seems the boyfriend is too, if he cares that much about labels.

Honestly I think you’ve let it sink in long enough. Her sitting in her room and not coming down for dinner shows she understands she messed up. Go up and talk to her - don’t let it fester.

Yep!

How ungrateful of her. Take it back and get a refund if you can. And don’t get her anything else.

She should be sorry enough to come down to you. She needs to fix this.

I can imagine at home she still feels about 5 and parent/child relations can be weird when you are in that twilight zone between childhood and independent adulthood

hiding in her room is immature but if op goes to bed on the argument this will only balloon into something it isn’t

This is pretty shocking behaviour
it sounds like she knows she has messed up though
fingers crossed she apologises for being such a cow

fingers crossed the relationship may end

She's 20yrs old, not 10yrs old. Time for her to learn the life skill of making a repair.

And personally when I was that age and in my room not coming out - it wasn't because I felt bad, it was because I felt hard done to.

If I was sitting in my room, then I was sulking!

When I felt bad, I'd be coming down because 'I just needed something' but really checking to see what the vibe was.

That's what I would be doing. Ungrateful little brat.

Tell her it's not returnable but you can return it to me if you wish, you ungrateful little prat, it's a shame you have to listen to others instead of having a mind of your own,

If he likes the dearest one more, tell him he can buy it and buy the way from now on you will get £50 in a card, I can't believe I have brought up someone so entitled and spoilt.
This is the end of me spoiling you.

I’d tell her sure. We can change it

then refund it and not replace it.

I hope that you see that buying her expensive gifts right now is not in hers or your best interest. Remember this at Christmas.

He's a student with champagne taste and a beer budget. Not a nice trait in anyone.

Fucking hell people love to spew bile.

Is it because you all have very little real power in your own lives? I can't see why you would otherwise fantasise about wielding brutal power over others, even 20 yr old not-yet-adults?

You must be absolutely gutted on several fronts.
DD is very young and seems to be in thrall to this young man who frankly talks nonsense. I think you need to hold your ground and remind her how much she loved the necklace when she first saw it, but hours later she's completely taken on his view of it, which can't be healthy. And she's been hurtful and ungrateful to you in the process.
You could ask for the gift back since she doesn't want it, and either keep it yourself or give it to her in a while when she comes to her senses - she probably will, with time and experience. And don't buy her a replacement!