Told DH he smells

[okydokethen]

DH has a physical job and self care isn't high on his list generally.

He likes long hot baths, but doesn't rinse after and quite frankly tonight he stank afterwards. I said something like 'you need to try and rinse after the bath, I think because it was so hot you've got sweaty so there's quite a strong smell'.

He's obviously pissed off and was very defensive. Not sure I can soften this can I?

Buy him some manly bubble bath and soap

I don’t think there’s anything wrong at all with telling your DP that they smell. If I was smelly and wasn’t aware I’d want DP to tell me. You said it as nicely as possible.

I can totally understand how you can smell after a bath. I am a serial bath soaker. I will lie in there for 90ish minutes topping the water up, just wallowing. I don’t actually scrub my pits until the end and if they were a little smelly prior to getting in the bath then they still will be until I soap them. Water alone doesn’t wash away smell.

It sounds silly but maybe ask him how he washes? I got my DP onto a bar of soap with an African net cloth to scrub his whole body before using a scented body wash and he literally does not get sweaty or smelly at all anymore.

I actually get my DC to stand up and wash in the bath so I can wash all their most important bits properly. I stand up to do the same in the bath too... how do you wash your bum sitting in the water?!

Those bits will get clean enough from just being in the shower, unless you work down a coal mine. By all means have a very quick pass everywhere else with the scrunchy, but armpits and arse/crotch are where 99.9% of the smell comes from.

.

Showers are…. Aggressive??

Peak Mumsnet 😂

& no, I don’t think everyone stands up in a bath, rubs soap on them and sits back down in the stale water again. We stand up in our noisy and aggressive showers, under the fresh water, lather up with a loofah/net a good cleansing soap, everywhere and rinse off with said fresh water.

Maybe he's got the same condition as Prince Andrew 😅

I sincerely hope not!

“Love, I was hesitant to say anything because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but I really want to enjoy being close to my husband.”

Ask him to shower before or after the bath using proper soap.

Get some different soap options to try (I’ll echo the hibiclens suggestion) but NOT as Christmas gifts. It is beyond rude to give “gifts” that are actually self-improvement suggestions or requests for the person to do something for you. It’s like a man getting his wife a diet book she didn’t ask for or an omelet pan so she can cook his favorite breakfast more. Just go buy some different soaps and ask him on a normal evening to give them a go to see what works best for him.

Exactly what mum did with us in the bath, and what I do in the shower. Just sitting in bath water doesn't make you clean, as you say.

Ha some people just don't smell. I'm envious. I'd definitely smell if I didn't wash properly!

tooface - manual labour in countryside on farms, woodland etc so general environmental and animal debris

Into which we don't pass solids

Me too. He does wash properly but I'd expect him to smell in the summer and he just....doesn't. The only deodorant in the house is mine.

Ugh, I had one. If he lay on the cushions on my sofa then they smelled of his stink so I had to wash the covers and febreeze the actual inside thingies.
Whenever he stayed overnight I would roll to the furthest side of the bed and avoid sex with various excuses. Didn’t want a uti or worse with his refusal to wash.
I bought him a toothbrush and a bath towel, I laid them out for him to go into the shower after I did. "No, I’m alright". I put up with that shit waaaay longer than I should have done. It took him being nasty to my sister to cut him completely dead.
Why do they think that being washed and clean isn’t a normal thing to do daily?!
Dirty bastards.

My partner is a carpenter and works for a HA.

He has a warm bath after work never too hot and uses imperial leather original soap and washes his hair with my tresemme moisture rich shampoo. At weekends he has a quick shower using soap he isnt keen on shower gel he doesnt think it cleans enough.

In the warmer months he has a long shower after work but only if its very warm if not he bathes instead.

He uses a aldi roll on deodorant we never buy fancy pants brands and he never has smelt.

The only time we used fancy products was when i won a Lush bath bomb set in a raffle we shared the bath bombs between us.

I sometimes buy imperial leather to the moon and back shower gel but its mainly soap bars i buy.

@ASimpleLampoon apologies I went to look it up and it was Queensland heath not national. I can't work out how to link it but google 'queensland health smegma post' it comes up

@OneBlackHeart I'd never heard of it either so was a bit dubious. Queenslanders hey!

What you said was ok.
he should have some pride and sense of responsibility for his own hygiene. He is an adult. I’m not sure why everyone is telling you how to fix it and adding work for you to buy deodorants.

id probably stop changing his towel so he realised he smells after ‘washing’. I’d explain very clearly that it’s from a place of care but ultimately he smells. And you don’t want to share a bed with someone stinking of BO. That as an adult that’s not an unreasonable standard to up hold.

FWIW THE MINERAL SALT deodorant (where you apply to wet armpits) is literally the best thing ever and I defy anyone to smell with it. So if I wanted to that’s what I would get him.

Excellent

Honestly, i once dated a man who had exactly the same BO issue. I think he was incredibly frugal with the soap and shower gel!!
Sometimes i'd suggest taking a sexy shower/bath together, just so i could lather him up a tad to ensure he smelt a bit more fragrant.
Come to think of it, i've had a few partners over the years with an apparent soap phobia. Arrghh. What can you do?!
Some women like a nice sweaty man.
I'm definitely not one of them!!!

OP, years ago I had to tell a colleague he smelled. I was his direct supervisor and couldn't get out of it when so many complaints had been received. I hated it.

I didn't sleep for a week thinking how to approach it without offending him. It's an incredibly difficult subject to raise with anyone, doesn't matter if they are a friend, a colleague, spouse, parents or siblings. It's so personal, the majority will get defensive the moment you raise the issue.

I agree with a poster at the beginning of the thread saying that many people don't know how to wash and it's tricky showing them how to when they are adults and have been doing the same thing probably since they were children.

You say you don't have much sex because the way he smells. Maybe this is an approach you could take. Not so much focussing on the sex, but the physical affection, hugs, kisses, he doesn't get because he doesn't smell clean and nice.

Don't approach the conversation right now when he's still licking his wounds. Wait until he's off his offended perch and try the gentle, caring approach - "I love you, could you please do this for me, for us"?

Oh. My. God. I feel your pain.

I had the same issue with my now ex partner. I found (and still do find) him incredibly attractive but his personal hygiene seems to have diminished over the years. We have a child together so are still in each other's lives.

I remember he would come home from work, covered in grease and god knows what & not shower, then expected to get into bed with me and demand sex. I would actually make him shower, but even after he would still smell. The reason for this being is men treat their armpit region in the same way the vast majority of the human population treat their feet when showering.

The problem here is that most men have hairy armpits which trap a lot of sweat particles and therefore will smell even more.

It's incredibly off putting & in the beginning I put it as politely as possible but after a while it got to the stage where I was honest & said I'm basically not going anywhere near you unless you've showered.

I take so much care to shower, shave, pluck, moisturise, the lot; even though I'm pretty much a celibate these days. I have never understood anyone who is perfectly comfortable festering in their own stench. Personal hygiene is so so important.

That's pretty much what I do, although I do finish off washing under my arms with soap, even after washing all over with flannel and shower gel, iincluding between my toes. I stand up to wash too, I don't understand how anyone can get wash themselves properly without doing so. No issues with hot water, as following menopause, my internal thermostat is jiggered. I've gone from having steaming hot baths to water that you could probably bathe a baby in.
I don't rinse off after either, what a waste of water that would be.

Imagine being so disengaged from your partner to have to come and talk about his stench on mumsnet!

Communicate.

If you are discrete and respectful and he perpetually gets defensive, then Houston, you have a problem.