Told DH he smells

[okydokethen]

DH has a physical job and self care isn't high on his list generally.

He likes long hot baths, but doesn't rinse after and quite frankly tonight he stank afterwards. I said something like 'you need to try and rinse after the bath, I think because it was so hot you've got sweaty so there's quite a strong smell'.

He's obviously pissed off and was very defensive. Not sure I can soften this can I?

Bleurghhh

after 20 years you can freely tell him he is stinky!

I just sit in a bath, read, maybe have a glass of wine. But that's not my washing time, that's the daily shower. The bath is in addition to that, and infrequently.

If he's only having a bath, he needs to scrub.

Stbxh and I would have expected the other to say something if one of us smelt or similar. Our rule was if it can be fixed in 5 minutes then it could be said. So I don't think you're being unreasonable at all and it's maybe more of a reflection of his own self esteem at the moment than anything you've done that's made him so defensive about it. I would say that not all shower gels work well for me to be fair. He might just not be lathering well enough if he's already sweaty or grimey. Have you discussed maybe doing a date night where you both put a little effort in to feeling fancy and go out for a meal or to the cinema or something? Might help him get back into that headspace of investing in himself a little more?

He sounds revolting, how can you get into bed with him each night? How did all of this come about? When did it start? Presumably he hasn't been a filthy pig of a man all these years.

All the helpful women of MN running around trying to suggest soaps, shower gels, etc whilst the stinky pig in question doesn't even care! If someone told me I was smelly, I'd be seeking advice myself and frantically doing something about it.

I think he's a lost cause. Can you not swap him for a sexy man that washes?

Lazy people thats who.

I went out with someone before i met my partner who did this.

He didnt like showers. He ran a bath put matey in it and just sat in it for a hour. Lazy git didnt even wash his hair properly just dunked his head in the bath.

Are his towels and clothes clean? It could be the smell is coming from those.

If DH has a bath, he stands up in the bath wash, then rinses with a hand held shower in cool water. Saves wasting the shower gel plus cools him down a bit

Coal tar soap eww it is very drying.

A soap like imperial leather with glycerin in it will kill germs and odour but wont dry skin out.

I remember shield soap too god that made my legs like sandpaper.

I'd want to know if this was a one-off or if he regularly stinks. If it's the latter then I wonder if it might be time to DTSB - dump the smelly bastard. I've been waiting a long time for the chance to use that acronym. 😂

Does he have wide pores? I knew a man with wide pores and they emitted a sticky foul smelling stench despite washing. Check his pores as pore reduction could help.

He probably is soaking but not using body wash ect under his arms anyone would smell if they don't soap themselves.

This. Not a flannel though a scrub with an African net and bar soap like dettol.

I've read threads on Reddit about this, it turns out there's a lot of people out there who either think running the shower water over them makes them clean or report knowing someone who thought that.

It's antisocial to not care about smelling bad / leaving disgusting rings in the bath (I take it he doesn't clean up after himself?), and 'storming off' is immature. Yadnbu.

If it's a new thing then he could have some kind of fungal infection. If he's hairy he could have the equivalent of athletes foot in his pits. And obviously his feet. Does he have a loofah? It's really unfair of him Not to try and wash more if you've actively complained. Can he smell himself? I'd keep mentioning it till he tries harder.

Can you post a link please? Need to see!

This is a very good point. It could be partly laundry related.

The fuck?!! Bit excessive there.

I’d back right off, and then in a few days bring it up again differently. Also his behind the ears and back of the neck can be a source. My DH and his siblings had a bit of neglect in that area and have never built hygiene routines until teens or adults - DH’s toothbrushing was based on leaving the house and showers etc based on at the gym after a workout/swim/sauna. Covid plus parenthood threw all that off. We’ve had to have the talk a few times and now he’s doing proper showers (and brushes teeth with the kids and I). But he isn’t a smelly person and doesn’t shower daily. So if it is too long I do remind him and he isn’t hurt anymore. His siblings were the same or else went over the top on hygiene when they hit the right age.

OP, also try posing it as a big wash with a new soap and then just a bit more effort. Like a girl shower or everything shower men need them too. And you don’t smell, but do you everything shower often? (I don’t as often as I did pre kids. But am making an effort again, for myself and my relationship)

The stuff that smells is not water-soluble. The apocrine sweat glands in the armpits and groin produce an oily liquid, which bacteria feed on. The bacteria produce the smell.

Hibiscrub has glycerol in it to help with skin dryness.

What is a african net?.

If I have a hot bath or hot shower, I sweat and this continues til my body cools back down. So I know I have to finish my bath/shower with a cooler wash. Most times I just shower in tepid water anyway.

My son likes a hot shower and I've had to teach him about using bar soap and either turning he temperature down or ending with a cooler secondary wash. He stank of fresh BO after every shower.

People don't seem to realise the body can and will do this even if you're using bar soap. Temperature will cause many bodies to do this.

Let me Google§ that for you: bellanomi.com/blogs/skincare/everything-you-should-know-about-the-african-net-sponge

§ Other search engines are available.

Don't people stand up to soap themselves in the bath?!

Threads like this blow my mind.

I hate showers, they're noisy and I find them aggressive. I also feel you get cleaner in the bath because a good soak dissolves some of the dirt and softens dead skin etc. Then I stand up to soap well, sit down again to do feet then get out. Isn't this what everyone does?