Not invited to stepdaughter's wedding

[Chewitally]

I've been with her Dad for over ten years. Her mum's partner is invited.

We don't have a good relationship for reasons irrelevant to this but I never thought she would stoop so low as to not invite me to her wedding.

Why do you want to go to a wedding of someone you dislike? You also seem to dislike the mother of the bride. Sounds horrible all round, both of them don’t want you there, you don’t like them, what a horrible day of pretence. It’s one day, can’t you encourage your husband to go and go out and have fun with your friends. You might dislike your daughter in law and her mother, why would you want to ruin their day by being there and depriving her of having her father at the wedding. It just sounds so spiteful.

The only think that I can think of would be if she thought that you broke up her parents' marriage.

I would encourage him to go even if you feel it is unfair.

Please do not prevent your partner - her dad- from going to his daughter's wedding however you feel about this. He should definitely go because otherwise there would be no coming back from the damage he will do to his and his daughter's relationship. Be the bigger person and let him go.

You need to really get some self awareness.

Getting with your friends ex is a real no. Not understanding why his daughter might be upset with you is embarrassing. Of course he should go to his daughter's wedding, without you. She should always come first. She'll be his daughter forever, you're just his current partner.

“Your partner” is first and foremost her dad, he absolutely should go to HIS DAUGHTER’s wedding. Of course she hasn’t invited you, you’ve said yourself you don’t get on.

This surely has to be a joke

Would people really be happy if their partner's went to a wedding without them

It is very disrespectful

Actually, you know what's disrespectful? Shacking up with your friend's ex.

Wow, your DH should absolutely go, or this is the end of his relationship with his child. Why would she invite you to her wedding when you don’t get on? Who wants someone they dislike there? He is the father of the bride and its pretty unbelievable that you’re not even considering telling him he must go.

This really

Because it's his daughter's wedding

Wow

And you can guarantee that if she had invited OP, then there would have been a thread about how the mean old bride couldn't possible expect them to sit apart and she should definitely be on the top table.

This all depends on what relationship you have with her.

If you don't have any sort of relationship with her, and there is bad blood between you and her mum, then no I wouldn't expect you to be invited, it would make the day incredibly awkward for her, I would however expect her to invite her dad, obviously.

I would be happy for him to go personally, I'd be more disappointed that I didn't have any sort of relationship with his daughter rather than the fact I wasn't invited to her wedding.

You are coming across as extremely entitled.

.

I suspect that the daughter's been given a different story.

It's very obvious you are not a very nice person. Otherwise you would encourage your partner to go to his daughters wedding .
Why would she want someone she doesn't like at her wedding .
It's one day and it's not about you

Regardless of the above, you encourage your partner to go to his daughter's wedding. Be the better person here

This sounds veeerrrrrry like the situation of my ex's parents. My ex acknowledge their step mum, was kind and nice to her, but in no way had we ever needed to have a big event could her mother have been in the room with their Dad's new partner.

This wasn't because they didn't like the step mum, but because it would have caused so much drama and upset, the lesser of two evils would have been to exclude the ex friend/new partner. New partner couldn't even be mentioned in her company.

It's sad for you, but there's a good chance she's just trying to have her wedding day without worrying about a scene. Something that on the biggest day of her life, she is allowed to choose. Also, encourage Dad to go. Let her have her happy day.

I say this as a child of divorced parents who do get along, but one day if I am to marry there will still be that little bit of worry.

It's one off the things that was perfectly normal when I was younger. Married women had their own social lives, and inviting only the person you knew was entirely ordinary. I think the change to everyone coupled up always is retrograde.

So as you all clearly know each other, and because in ordinary circumstances then the new spouses of both parents would be invited, then we are not looking at an ordinary set of circumstances.

There's 10 years of history here - starting with the falling out (why? how badly?) and everything that has happened in the last decade.

Because its his daughters wedding, and not going will put a big dent in their relationship

Yeah - same situation with my own parents. I wouldn't have invited you either. It would have upset me and my Mum and cast a cloud over my day. My spineless father wouldn't have turned up without you having opted out of being involved in my life after you'd arrived on the scene. No thanks!

I see your point OP and it’s a shame that everyone involved hasn’t moved on in the last ten years. Life is too short for these feuds imo. And bitterness is so stressful and futile.

I wonder how the bride’s stepdad feels, knowing that his partner still bears a grudge against the ex and the long term partner. I’d find it weird and unsettling in his position.

But it is what it is, and your partner should attend the wedding with your blessing. He’d regret not doing so. You’ll both feel it was the right thing to do when you look back at your lives in years to come, I think.

Your stepdaughter probably likes her stepfather hence the invite.

I think that your husband should attend on his own. Making a point by not attending will solidify everyone’s anger towards you and negatively affect his relationship with his daughter as it will look like he chose you over her.

It’s not rude to invite one person in a couple and not uncommon for an adult to align themselves with mum even if she’s wrong (loads of stories on here where the OP picks their family or spouse even though they are “wrong”) On the other hand I see why you think that everybody should be less angry as it’s been 10 years and it’s unfair that you are being blamed 100% rather than 50% but this goes back to people finding it easiest to align themselves with their family rather than face the fact that they are to blame too.

Encourage him to go.
Do something you want to do on the day. Be a grown up and she may involve you later in her life.

Be a spiteful child and stop him and you'll reinforce what she already thinks of you.

I can see the daughter’s pov. Getting into a relationship with your friend’s ex husband is grim.

Ironically you sound quite demanding and controlling in this thread too! Can you really not understand why you shouldn’t go and your husband should?? I’m usually very pro stepmum, but this one has a pretty weird start and was bound to cause issues. If he turns his back on his daughter now in favour of you it will show everyone what he’s really like and probably sever his relationship with his daughter forever. Yes you’ve been around a decade, but his daughter was in his life long before..