Not invited to stepdaughter's wedding

[Chewitally]

I've been with her Dad for over ten years. Her mum's partner is invited.

We don't have a good relationship for reasons irrelevant to this but I never thought she would stoop so low as to not invite me to her wedding.

From the other side I dislike my stepmum A LOT she was very unkind to me as a teenager and I hold a lot of hatred towards her (she did actually apologise last year but I will never get over what she did)
my dad chose her over his daughters, anyway I love my dad still and he was an amazing dad growing up. I invited them both to my wedding as I knew it would cause drama and I didn’t need that in my life. In the end she didn’t come due to a family bereavement. But I feel you just need to get over this unless your partner decides to say something to her about it.

I think you should encourage your partner to go to his daughter's wedding

the OP is obtuse I would assume a reverse if you weren't coming back at people so aggressively....

It doesn't sound like you like her at all so why would you even want to go to her wedding?

I don't think she is the (only) demanding and controlling one.

So from your update...not only were you her mother's friend, but you were a close friend in whom she confided about her marital problems. She trusted you. I'm not surprised they despise you tbh, the only shocking thing here is that you ever thought you might be invited.

"Because I should be there as her dads partner"

Bollocks. You'd ruin her day if you were there.

You’re as bad a friend as your boyfriend is a spineless father.

As my old nan used to say: “at least you two don’t spoil a pair”.

I’m sure your boyfriend’s poor daughter will have a much better day without her “dad” and his delightful back-stabbing lady friend there.

Result! Three cheers for a happy wedding! 👰‍♀️ 🎩 🥳

I’m sure she respects your relationship with your Dad well enough, but my guess is that she has seen the impact of your style of friendship on her mother.

You are assuming it’s all about being mean to you, rather than accepting you are a lower priority than her mother.

That’s not pathetic- most people call it loyalty.

You sound dreadful and toxic.

And if your DH skips his daughters wedding over this, he’s no better and you deserve eachother.

OW or not; she doesn’t like you and doesn’t need to. You don’t seem to like her either.

I hope the bride and mother of bride see this thread.

You and your partner are not one person. You can attend events separately without anything bad happening.

Him being her father trumps you being his wife of 10 yrs. If I were in your shoes I would accept the situation, take the high road and would insist my partner went to his own daughters wedding. That way there is hope for the future. If he doesnt go then he has to accept he will likely lose his relationship with his daughter.

Because she’ll tie him to the radiator to make sure he doesn’t go…

This.

I'm not sure why you are surprised she doesn't like you tbh OP.

Because maybe she has good relations with him.

You've stated your SD's actions are low but, actually, her actions speak of someone who has strength of conviction and has backbone. I admire her for following her own wants and wishes when weddings are notorious for becoming circuses in which the bride and groom are pulled and pushed every which way.

Your opening post was so dismissive of your relationship with your SD that it spoke absolute volumes of your attitude towards her and to relationships more generally.

No I wouldn’t be happy. But I would never stand in the way of a dad going to his daughter’s wedding under any circumstances.

You don't have a good relationship with her, surely you are mature enough and can accept she does not want people she has negative relationships with at her wedding. The reasons for those negative relationships are irrelevant.

It would be childish of you not to encourage your dh to go without you. It is about his dd getting married, it is important, and he shouldn't have to miss it just because his new partner and her don't get on.

Sorry, but I think you need to grow up a bit here.

But you sound so delightful, I can't think why she doesn't want you there...

She doesn't like you and from your attitude in your posts I can understand why. You sound self centered and selfish. Her wedding day isn't an opportunity for you to posture. Get back in your box and rein in your attitude. Maybe then you'll be a bit more likeable.

You got with your friends ex.. yikes. I don’t blame her. Some friend.

People might not be happy but in this kind of situation they should just get over it and encourage her father to go.

Sorry but his relationship with his daughter is forever - you might not be - so of course he should go. Whether you're going or not is not relevant. Your indignance should not be his priority, especially as you haven't even indicated that, apart from your sense of entitlement, you actually would like to be there.

While I can see why you’re upset op, it’s her wedding day and she wants to spend it with the people she gets on with. You should be encouraging her father to not miss the vent… why step to SD level?

if you were once friends with her mother then it’s possible her mum /she feels betrayed that you then started a relationship with her dad, even if it was after they split.

how soon after their split did you start a relationship with her dad?

Some people would say that it's very disrespectful to marry your friend's ex husband too.

My step mother in law stopped my father in law attending his daughter’s wedding - the scenes, the stroppy emails, hysterical voice mails, every emotional manipulative trick under the sun. He’s a weak and spineless arse fir giving in to her but she’s an utter cunt for deliberately stopping a father attending his daughters wedding

my SIL has now not seen her “DF” in over 20 years and he hasn’t met his grandchildren

It sounds like her mother won’t be happy about you being there either. Did you and her fall out when you got together with her ex? (yes I know it was afterwards) It’s a tough one. If you upset her mother and she and your stepdaughter felt betrayed I can understand why you’re not wanted at the wedding. It’s not a straightforward second marriage. How much effort have you put into making your relationship with her work? (the daughter). I know it might be hurtful for you and her dad, but you might just have to take this one. In the circumstances it might be the best thing that you don’t go. And that your husband does. Most guests will get it.